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Boyfriend doesn’t want baby

(11 Posts)
BG1234 Sat 13-Oct-18 18:03:05

Hello,
I’ve joined today just to post this as I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone and am so lost.

I am 36 with no kids and so is my boyfriend. We have been together for over two years (with 2 months apart) but we don’t live together despite my pushing because of financial/practical issues on his side. When we got together I made it clear I wanted kids and was aware I didn’t have loads of time to waste. He said he wasn’t as ready as me.
Despite that, through his choice, maybe 50% of the time we’ve had unprotected sex over the past year. Last week I found out I was maybe 5 weeks pregnant and told him straight away. He put his head in his hands and didn’t say anything. When we did eventually speak he said he didn’t see how we could consider keeping it. I said I wasn’t sure if the relationship could survive s termination that was quite one-sided. I said maybe I should go it alone and then make the decision as a single person.
After a bad week he asked to see me last night to talk. I said I wasn’t sure as I’d been feeling rough/exhausted and didn’t want any extra drama. But I agreed and he came round. He then asked me how things would work if I raised it and we weren’t together. I saw red and got very angry.
Today I am wondering if I’m being fair on him or if it’s the hormones. He says he doesn’t know how to make it right but I just feel so angry. I know the timing is far from ideal but at the same time I am 36 and a small part of me hoped he would just step up to the mark. I also feel like such an idiot for thinking this.
I have cried in bed all day today. I haven’t told anyone as my family are very protective of me after an ex-husband cheated a few years ago. My friends are also the same. I don’t want them to worry, pity me or think I’m idiot. I think that enough.
Any advice welcome. I am distraught and angry. I am not sure if I am being unreasonable and hormone led.

OxeyeDaisy Sat 13-Oct-18 20:12:45

Hiya,

Oh bless you. First off a big hug x

I think the fact that he has been willing to have unprotected sex with you knowing full well what might happen speaks volumes.

There will never be a right time and none of us will ever be in the perfect position.

If you are happy to go it alone, I would have a chat with him and let him know that it’s your plan to carry on with the pregnancy and that you would like his support, participation or however involved you would like him to be and leave it at that. Once he’s over the ‘shock’ he may come around to the idea

If you end up going it alone arm yourself with knowledge of what your entitled to, what you plan for child care etc and then when your ready tell those close to you and then at least you are ready and prepared for the questions and can hold your head high xx

UghFletcher Sat 13-Oct-18 20:20:09

First of all congratulations!

Secondly, he was happy to have unprotected sex therefore he must be prepared for the consequences of his actions. He can't feign ignorance now and act like he wasn't prepared for this.

It's bloody tough but if you do need to go this alone then you absolutely can.

Flatasapancakenow Sat 13-Oct-18 20:25:05

Congratulations OP flowers.

Why was he happy to have unprotected sex if he wasn't happy with a baby hmm?

I was a single parent with DS1, I don't regret a minute of it. He was totally worth it.

BG1234 Sat 13-Oct-18 20:51:27

Thanks for your replies.
When we’ve spoken about when we are prepared to have kids I’ve said how it’s not so easy to conceive once you hit 35. He’s said he had that in his head plus he also had a nagging feeling that he was infertile.
I’m not sure how I feel about going it alone. First of all I have no idea how I would manage it financially and that’s before getting into everything else. At the same time I’m very aware that I’m lucky to have conceived at 36 and it might not be the same in a couple of years time.
Every time I think about these being my only two options my heart sinks

BG1234 Sat 13-Oct-18 20:57:10

Oh, and he also said that when we hadn’t used protection it was in close proximity to when we had, eg, protected sex the night before and unprotected sex in the morning, and he believed that would lessen the chances too.

Flatasapancakenow Sat 13-Oct-18 21:14:05

Plenty of people in very poor financial positions manage. You can talk to citizens advice and see what you would be entitled to, you might be surprised.

Frankly his logic around unprotected sex is ridiculous. YANBU to be angry and disappointed in him.

I would tell whichever friends or family you are closest too. You need real life support too.

Leese6 Wed 07-Nov-18 17:59:55

I’m so sorry your partner isn’t supportive, I fear my partner would have a similar response 😔. Please DONT let him talk you out of keeping this baby if you want it. I think you are right, it’s harder to conceive past 35, it’s a little miracle for you.
I hope you can gradually tell friends and family who are going to give you the support you need

kenandbarbie Wed 07-Nov-18 18:12:38

Congratulations!! I would keep the baby which you obviously want. You have loving family so you will sort everything else out. He might come round he might not, but frankly those are pathetic excuses he's making and I would just disregard him except for making sure he pays his way.

AuntMarch Thu 15-Nov-18 20:07:37

Oh, and he also said that when we hadn’t used protection it was in close proximity to when we had, eg, protected sex the night before and unprotected sex in the morning, and he believed that would lessen the chances too.

And he is 36, not 16?
Do NOT terminate this pregnancy just because he is freaking out. You would never forgive him and the relationship wouldn't survive. I've been there, and I didn't have the age thing to consider either.

I am now 33 and pregnant for the first time since and absolutely would rather do it on my own if I had to than not do it at all!

AuntMarch Thu 15-Nov-18 20:08:21

Sorry, just seen how old this is! I hope all is going well now though OP!

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