New mum to be and scared is an understatement

(9 Posts)
Iloveironmaiden Tue 27-Mar-18 20:46:55

Hi all, I am new to this site.
On Thursday I found out that I was pregnant and I know it's only Tuesday but I feel so terrified. I dabbled with the idea of a termination but I don't think I could handle the emotional pain. I'm shit scared and do not feel ready and I feel like I'm on a ride I can never get off and I keep worrying about the 'what ifs'. Men can walk away and although my fiancée has been good as gold my anxiety is getting the better of me... I have worries of being a single mum when I didn't really have any plans for a child until I was in my 30s (I'm 23 now). Ive been crying every night for the past 6 nights out of fear but those 6 days feel like years.
I'm scared I'll miss the way me and my fiancée will be with each other. I'm on a ride and I can't get odd and I'm so damn frightened. Will this get better?!

OP’s posts: |
Poshindevon Wed 28-Mar-18 08:50:14

Instead of thinking of all the terrible things go and get some solid advice.
Marie Stopes or BPAS give impartial advice and counselling.Please contact them.
As for being a single parent no one can say what the future may bring so again stop dwelling on the negatives and go and see your doctor .
If you did not want a child until your thirties then better family planning was in order. Many women cruise along thinking "it won't happen to me" and it does.
Once again ,instead if panicking go and seek help and informed advice.

LadyPug Mon 02-Apr-18 18:26:06

Wow poshindevon sounds lovely, she’s obviously never had an issue in her life or been scared of anything! I would say most mums react like you do to begin with, I got pregnant gone 30 and was trying and still lost if for the first fortnight. I kept thinking I can’t do this, I’m scared, I can’t go back (to be fair, I’m tokophobic which adds a whole level of fear - maybe poshindevon has something to say about that too?) Either way, be kind to yourself and just go with the waves of feeling. Don’t forget you’re full of hormones right now which will settle. It’s ok not to always have your shit together and to be afraid, it doesn’t reflect on your ability to be a great Mum

Hermagsjesty Mon 02-Apr-18 18:49:17

I really feel for you. An unexpected pregnancy is a massive shock for anyone. Be kind to yourself. Don’t rush into any decisions. Everyone is full of what ifs when they are expecting - even when it’s a longed for pregnancy. Try and find someone who can give you counselling and support. Whatever you decide, you’ll get through it. flowers

Mumlife101 Thu 12-Apr-18 21:23:16

Bless you! Being pregnant is scary shit, even with a planned pregnancy then throw in some hormones, not an ideal situation & anxiety!! I hope you feel better soon OP, as someone said above pregnancy is scary who ever you are, what ever your situation! Then you'll be excited & ready, then shit scared again...!!

kirstian Thu 12-Apr-18 21:36:50

I was ttc for years and when I finally got pregnant I was so scared as well! So like everyone has said it's so normal to feel like that! It's such a big life change but I can promise you it is an amazing one!
You will be absolutely fine! Don't worry about your relationship with your fiancé, if he is your fiancé he obviously already wants that commitment and sees a future with you.
Chat to him about your anxieties and I'm sure he will help to calm you.
Try to push the worries to the back of your mind, focus on the positives and get excited for your new journey with a mini you! xx

Nogodsnomasters Sat 14-Apr-18 23:29:03

100% normal to feel the way you feel right now, I was ttc and yet still absolutely shit myself when I got a bfp. If you're a generally anxious person (like me) mix in hormones and you get a shit storm of 6 nights crying like you, must be even stronger if you had no intention of becoming pregnant. Majority of women especially first pregnancy go over the what ifs, what if I can't cope, what if dp leaves me, what if xyz. If you decide you want the baby you WILL cope, it's a strange mother thing that happens when you give birth that means you can survive almost everything that is thrown at you which you previously would have crumbled over. Parenthood is not easy don't get me wrong, but once your child is born you'll wonder how you ever lived without them.


MillieMoon94 Sat 14-Apr-18 23:42:41

There’s no shame in feeling like this, I think most people feel at least a bit nervous about becoming a mum. I got pregnant at 19 after I’d been with my first ever boyfriend for 8 weeks. I was terrified and I cried everyday for the first few weeks, but gradually the idea became more appealing and, long story short, DS is now nearly 4, his dad and I are engaged, and we had another (planned) baby in December. It’s far from easy, but it’s also the best job in the world, I absolutely love it and wouldn’t be without my little family for the world.

TinaTop Sat 14-Apr-18 23:48:26

It's a huge adjustment and a major life change, it's not surprising that women find it scary. I was terrified when I got pregnant. Then at my 12 week scan I cried buckets because I was so afraid they'd find something wrong, and I realised I did want my baby, I was just scared. I still had periods of feeling terrified throughout my pregnancy, and even had days after giving birth where I felt like I'd ruined my life. It takes time (and hormones) to come to terms with the whole thing. DS is two months old and I'm only just starting to feel comfortable with being a mum.

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