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What should I do?

(10 Posts)
Gillseybear Sun 19-Nov-17 10:53:45

Hey ladies, I have just found out that I am pregnant. I am only 20 years old and so it is a big thing for me. I have always been very anti abortion and I tried to tell my partner this but he is very certain that he is ready for kids yet. We have been together for other a year now and I was getting ready to start uni next year before this discovery.
I know that I have so much going for me but I do not want o have an abortion and my partner is determined to make me have one which I really do not want. He has totally freaked since he found out and that is making things really difficult as all he wants is for me to get rid of it.
I have tried telling him that I really do not want to get rid of the baby and he will not take no for an answer. In desperate need of advice.
Just a side note, I have endometriosis and there is a high chance that I will not be able to have kids in the future which has made me even more sure that I want to do this.
Please help

flumpybear Sun 19-Nov-17 10:58:04

Do you have support at home with your family? Perhaps you could have the baby and still go to university as they often have nursery facilities and good rates plus you’d probably get some financial help, no idea what that would be but worth investigating

If your university is close to your home could your parents help to look after your child?sounds like your boyfriend is panicking and I don’t blame him as it’s all very quick but there are alternatives to abortion, it’ll be hard work but that’s ok

Gillseybear Sun 19-Nov-17 11:20:14

I have been disowned my most if mums side of the family other than an aunt that it is to soon to tell her because of her personal circumstances.
That’s what I though about doing but I have no idea as am so confused and the constant pressure that he is putting in me is not helping as he is making me feel really shit about it. I believe that I could do it as I know that certain members of my family that I do speak to would help me.
Am just really freaking out especially as it would be my first child and am really scared of what it could mean for me

Gillseybear Sun 19-Nov-17 21:58:35

In desperate need of advice as am being told that I am to immature and am not ready to have children yet. It is really getting me down as I feel like I have no support at the moment

annieoaklie Sun 19-Nov-17 22:08:43

Hi, there is a topic for pregnancy choices, you might get more responses there.

Others will be along with better advice then me, but this might bump it for you.

Take care. Is there a close friend you can confide in ?

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Sun 19-Nov-17 22:17:23

Well first and foremost, the decision to stay pregnant or not is YOUR decision and your decision only. He can have an opinion but he cannot have a vote. It doesn’t work that way. He can disagree with that you choose but that doesn’t count as a say in the matter. This is your body and nobody gets to decide what you do with it. You cannot be forced to have an abortion against your will. If he puts pressure on you, get away from him, make sure you are safe and continue your pregnancy without his presence. Tough as that would be it is preferable to being forced to have an abortion by someone who purports to care about you.

Gillseybear Mon 20-Nov-17 02:56:37

Thank you so much

SquirrelTail Mon 20-Nov-17 03:01:59

If you want to continue with your pregnancy the University will give you additional grants for having the baby while you are a student. This can be used to get your own safe, secure flat to live in as opposed to shared, rented accommodation. They will also help to pay for childcare whilst you are in your classes. Even if you have no-one there's a way you can do this without having a lifetime of regret. Good luck to you!

SquirrelTail Mon 20-Nov-17 03:04:32

You don't need to drop out of University or have an abortion you d not want, this can work out for you and is clearly something you'd like to go ahead with. No-one can force you to have an abortion, you have to sign paperwork alone and similar things.

Jaedee93 Tue 20-Feb-18 21:12:06

I was in this situation last year me and my partner had split and I found out I was pregnant the day after I split! He didn’t not want me to have it and he made it out that I was only keeping it to keep him however that was not the case I really didn’t no what to do and I wanted to be mindful of his feelings as it would change his life forever but sadly I misscarried so the choice was taken away from me and soon as it was my ex who I’m now back with was devastated!

I’m not saying your partner will react like that but you’d be very surprised it’s just as scary for them as it is for you even though we’re the one that do the hard part!

But I’m currently in the situation where I could be pregnant and my partners happy if I am however if he wasn’t that wouldn’t matter as selfish as that sounds because it’s our choice and still your baby just as much as it is his! If you really want this then do what’s right for you xx

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