"Ohh how how lovely, is it the first grandchild?"

[cherryontopp]

NNOOOooo its not, what's the big deal?

Every time ive told people in pregnant its how far am I and if its the first grandchild.

My parents have my nephew off my brother and Dp's mother has grandchildren that she hasn't seen in years (his brothers ex stops him and his family from seeing them out of spite).

My parents are very excited having their daughter pregnant rather than their sons (now ex) girlfriend and my MIL is over the moon to get a grandchild who she can part of their life. I never thought that not having the first is something less special but everyone else seems to think so.

I've been trying for 2 years and went through IVF and this is my and partners first child and were very excited. I didn't give a shite about anyone else until now.

Will it be less special, less spoilt, less favoured than their first grandchildren?

[amermaideindesguise]

oh op in the nicest possible way. just shut the fuck up moaning about what people say just be happy you are having a healthy pregnancy what does it really matter what people say..

Just smile and get on with it.

this really bugs the life out of women who think beacause they are pregnant that they have to be treated wih kid gloves and nobody has to say anything at all for fear of offending them.

[MyCalmX]

Well said amermaid 😂

[cherryontopp]

takes a step back

whoaa when did I say i was offended? All I was saying is that it's never even occurred to me about tjis issue until I was pregnant..im getting asked constantly. It's other people that seem to think it's a big deal. I said in my post me and my dp are excited and i don't give a shite about anyone else thinks.
So calm down, put the claws away and the wine down and stop attacking people.

[OccasionalNachos]

It's just a thing people say to continue the conversation beyond "congratulations, how lovely!" also better than asking if it was planned

It's inane rubbish, but so is most stuff.

[SavoyCabbage]

People are just trying to think of something to say. They can say 'I don't care if you are pregnant' so they think of some banality to say instead.

[User188616]

Oh OP you obviously do 'give a shite' otherwise you wouldn't have started a thread about it.

First grandchild are special... because they are the FIRST! But yours arnet the first so get on with it. My DCs Were not the first grandchildren either... but dyu know what they were MY children so to me they were extra special. Stop making a fuss over nothing. Also, IVF has nothing to do with it, naturally conceived or IVF, what difference does that make to this particular subject of 'first grandchildren?!'

[amermaideindesguise]

no wine here cherryontopp because like you i am expecting my own baby and guess what its not the first grandchild and guess what else nobody has asked me and i genuinly dont give a shit

[Kintan]

I don't think it's a big deal to be asked that. With your first child you are becoming a mother, so people may wonder if your baby is causing your parents to become grandparents or whether they have already become grandparents. It doesn't imply any negative connotations to your child, people are just interested in where it fits in to your family dynamics I guess.

[NoParticularPattern]

They're just making conversation. Just like they will also be making conversation when they annoyingly ask you if you're still pregnant or why haven't you had the baby yet when your approximately 409 weeks pregnant and sick of it.

With the best will in the world, if they don't know the ins and outs of your family tree then they can't possibly know all the details you have just shared. They are trying to show an interest in something that is primarily not about them, nor is it vastly interesting to the people it isn't happening to.

Congrats on your pregnancy but yes, I'd just be glad you're having a healthy pregnancy and that people are bothered enough to actually ask a question about it rather than pretend it doesn't exist.

[cherryontopp]

Oh right so there just making convo? I genuinely got it was like a 'Oh well, Not exciting then' vibe when I said it wasn't.

I'm not offended in any way, I was just slightly miffed at this is one of the first questions people were asking. 4 people, one colleague, one friend, a neighbour all asked and was wondering if anyone else had this.
I just didn't expect me to patronized-- after trying for over 2 year to get pregnant I'm very well practised in getting down on my knees and being grateful I am able to get pregnant.

[FuzzyOwl]

I think that when you are pregnant, people just try to make conversation so ask whether the first grandchild or say your bump is small/big and similar comments. Usually one (or more) of the comments becomes annoying and then it feels like that is all anyone says but in my experience the person talking to you really isn't interested and is just trying to come up with something to say.

[TriskelArts]

What Savoy said. 'I couldn't be less interested that you're pregnant' isn't considered a socially acceptable response, hence people making non-remarks about how far along, first grandchild and girl/boy etc etc.

[cherryontopp]

Armedmaid- YOU may have not got asked this question but I certainly have, on a few occasions.
I couldn't give a monkeys toss whether its 100th grandchild..all I was doing in bringing up this thread was wondering why it seems to be a big deal to everyone else, i wouldn't ask this question if someone told me their pregnant. Find it quite odd to be honest.
It seems like the original post has got taken out of context again, Oh I do love mumsnet.

[Alexandrite]

"Ohh how how lovely, is it the first grandchild?" is a nice thing to say. It doesn't mean "it will be less special, less spoilt, less favoured than their first grandchildren?"

[User188616]

A colleague, a neighbour and a (probably distant) friend (otherwise they'd know the answer to that already) probably arnet that excited for you tbh and yeah probably are just making convo, as a PP has already said

[CoCoCoconut]

"I've been trying for 2 years and went through IVF and this is my and partners first child and were very excited."

Why mention that it's your first child? Why mention IVF? Are you suggesting that second or subsequent children, or those conceived easily or even unintentionally, are any less special or less a cause for celebration than this baby?

No, of course you're not. You're just giving a bit of context and detail about where this baby fits in the family, because that's how people talk. That's what other people are doing, too. Just making conversation. Try not to let it get to you.

Congratulations and best wishes

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Congratulations 💐

Honestly, it's just people making conversation, they don't mean anything by it.

Get used to it, because it gets worse, not better.

[amermaideindesguise]

cherryontopp sorry if i have offended you. i am not knowen for being diplomatic and all too often say exactly whats on my mind. apologies if this straight talking has caused u any offence.

[cherryontopp]

Annie - thanks I sort of knew from being a lurker on Mumsnet that id get the usual malarcy, when's it due, oh your nor finding out sex, oh your huge have you got 2 in there, when's it due etc but never expected the grandchild question.
I foolishly came on here to see if anyone else has had this and having words put in my mouth.

[amermaideindesguise]

and congratualtions on your pregnancy. it is an exciting and emotional time. hope all goes well for you. i genuinely mean no harm to you. i am sorry for my earlier posts.

[cherryontopp]

No worries, im not offended armermaid just taken back cos it's not an issue for me at all, i was just pondering as to why this question was getting brought up so many times and if its an actual issue to some people

[cherryontopp]

And sorry about the comment put the wine down - I'm only jealous cos I haven't touched a drop since May

[amermaideindesguise]

i havebeen 8 long months cherryontopp 2 more weeks till my little one is here.

[Buddy14]

Congratulations OP.

It's interesting that you say it's you and your partners "first child" when discussing your mild annoyance with people asking if it's the "first grandchild " . Exactly the same thing isn't it? You are also putting special emphasis on the child being the first ??

[nocoolnamesleft]

It's a way of sounding interested, to use standard conversational gambits. They could ask if you're constipated, how bad are the haemorrhoids, do you have heart burn, what about varicose veins appearing, how often are you needing to wee? But I suspect more people would be offended by those...