Angry at partner telling everyone(9 Posts)
I am about 5 weeks pregnant. I have told my mum and dad as I am quite close with them and my partner has told his mum. Today has been overwhelming though!!
I did not want anyone really knowing until we are at the 12 week point as I am very aware and petrified about it going wrong. My partners mum seems to be telling all of her friends and already arranging items for the baby and my partner is telling his friends.
He realised now it's upsetting me I'm sitting on the bed crying right now because I can't really feel excited because I know it's so early. I'm so hurt people are finding out and being excited when I can't.
Do you think I'm over reacting literally shaking
No I don't think you are overreacting as so many pregnancies fail in the early weeks. I'm sure you will be fine but it's incredibly insensitive of your partner.
I think some men are unaware of the risks during early pregnancy. Maybe just remind him that it's still very touch and go. My partner and I didn't tell anyone that we wouldn't be ok telling if something went wrong, that was our general rule. I'd just let him know you're feeling anxious and that the next few months should be about looking after each other till you're out of the woods. Good luck with everything ❤
Hi your MIL has no right to tell people your news - did you make it clear it was still early days? Have a word with your husband and explain the risks involved before 12 weeks and tell him to make sure the people he has told keep it confidential. You aren't overreacting but the damage is done - try not to stress about it.
We had IVF. Told loads of people we were having the treatment, it failed. Next time round, told our friends again but only rough dates of starting it. We got a positive test result but I couldn't celebrate it. I was too shit scared, we had a scan at 8 weeks to confirm the pregnancy, still scared as hell. At 12 weeks we went to the normal dating scan. DH was celebrating from then. We told people but I was still really scared that after 5 years and our last roll of the dice, it wasnt going to happen for us. I spent all of the pregnancy in fear and didn't stop to 'enjoy' it like some do. I was relieved to have my baby and for him to be ok. It then hit me that I had worried so much I didn't do anything to prepare myself for being a mum!! Doh!
You're right to be cautious at this stage, but it will also do you good to relax. Understand worst case scenario but then enjoy each day you have, I wish I had known to do that.
Well, it sounds like it's your partner's mum that's telling everyone, not your partner. Ask him to tell her to stop immediately!
I would expect him to be having a stern word with his mother, it is not ok at all for her to go around telling her friends etc. Also unreasonable of your partner to be telling his friends when you've made it clear you're not ok with that.
We didn't tell anyone, parents included, until the 12 week scan and even then only told close family/friends until 20 weeks and I would do the same again, I think people forget how emotional and worrying a time it can be and get carried away sharing news that isn't theirs to share. Hope you're able to rein it in a bit and limit more people finding out until you're ready.
While some pregnancies can end in miscarriage, i think (though not an expert) that about 80% carry on to a healthy baby, so for me once the word is out you might as well try and enjoy it with those who know, there's no way of taking the knowledge back. My husband told his family earlier than I would have liked with my first pregnancy and although it wouldn't have been my choice ultimately it made no difference to the outcome. However, I would make it clear that it's too early for baby shopping and suggest they don't spread the news any further if you're uncomfortable with everyone knowing just yet.
We told our parents at around 6 weeks and swore them to secrecy, MIL proceeded to tell DHs grandparents😡. DH wasn’t much better and had told everyone at his work place and a few of his friends before we had the scan. It’s our first and he was excited. I honestly don’t think he had a clue about how common miscarriage is and how many pregnancy’s are lost. I ended up bursting into tears and (unreasonably) shouting at him when he told me he had told one of his friends. Once I had explained why I was so upset he stopped telling people (or stopped telling me he had told people). My friends and family were all told after the 12 week scan. I had to tell my boss at around 8 weeks as he was signing me up to a course I would not be able to take part in and wasn’t accepting no as an answer (but I felt this was more justified than telling people for the sake of it!)
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