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Is this normal behaviour??

(29 Posts)
Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 07:35:39

So, 36 hours into labour with a breech baby, they finally allow me to remain in hospital and not send me home and very happy things are finally happening. Sat there having gas & air in the birth centre when my BF who's mother works at the hospital asked if she could come and visit-for ten minutes. I said yes okay, I'll let her in for ten minutes and when she goes I can strip off and get in the birth pool. Long story short, six hours later she was still there.
Now, I'm sure you're all aware that the process of childbearing is a very personal and private thing with a lot of bits on show and intimate examinations happening on a regular basis. Well MIL planted her backside in a chair and just watched, even though I'd made it quite clear I wanted her to go. I don't know who I'm more furious at:myself, my boyfriend, my MIL...!!
Anyway I didn't feel comfortable being naked in the birth pool in front of her so I had to scrap that, then I got transferred to the delivery suite because of baby not coming and I was having an epidural put in.
She then burst in with tuna sandwiches she'd bought for herself and sat at the end of the bed, watching my struggle while stuffing her face and on FaceTime to get friends and then tried forcing a banana in my mouth to "keep my strength up" even though I didn't want it.
She ended up getting thrown out by a new midwife who came on duty who told her that she shouldn't be there and that it was pretty weird and she cried on the way out, looking at BF to let her stay.
What was even more annoying is that her daughter had a baby last year and apparently she was 'amazing' and all the staff was 'amazed' by her and 'they'd never seen anyone so good at giving birth' and 'she didn't make a noise'...that's what I had to listen to all day while having MY baby. She was annoying everyone, all the staff, me...!
In retrospect I wish I'd just told her to f**k off at the time but I just didn't have it in me, I was so tired and fed up but I remember being so angry inside. But I'm very very annoyed with my bf who should've told her to go. She'd been saying for weeks before I was due she wanted to be there and I told her NO and I said to him, if she turns up, tell her to go...but I'm furious he didn't...hes obviously more concerned about hurting her feelings.
It doesn't matter to them that she ruined that special experience for me. In fact the stress she was causing me might've even prolonged it and could've been dangerous.
I can't let this go, I cry everytime I think of my daughter being born

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 08-Jul-16 07:40:41

Why on earth didn't your partner just tell her to leave?!

Yes I'd be cross with her too, but u would be furious with him, he should have told her to get out ffs!

HerRoyalFattyness Fri 08-Jul-16 07:43:16

Wtf?! He should have kicked her out. I'd be furious.

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 07:47:19

The thing is, he's very close to his mum, he loves her and she really wanted to be there to see it and I sort of get that. So there would be no way of telling her to go without hurting her feelings. BUT. The midwife repeatedly asked me IN FRONT of her if I wanted her to go and I kept saying things like "I think it's best you left because I want some privacy" and "I think it's time for bf and me to do this alone" and she just wouldn't go. She felt entitled and I don't think that's a
Normal or healthy attitude to have. My parents were waiting patiently in the waiting area and my boyfriend let them know first by phone and apparently she got really annoyed about that too angry

BertrandRussell Fri 08-Jul-16 07:47:28

Of course it's not normal!

And you must be pretty amazing too-to consider giving birth to a breech baby in a birthing pool! How on earth did you persuade them to let you do that?

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 07:49:09

We were trying to get her to move xx

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 08-Jul-16 07:50:29

I don't care if they are bloody BFFS! your feelings should be more important to him than his bloody mothers!

Jesus, if DP did this I'd be livid!

She was exceptionally rude, but the real problem here is your boyfriend. He needs to bloody grow up and put you and his child first,not his mummy!

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 07:58:41

Well we've had a very heated argument about it, but he can't see what I mean at all confused . Her behaviour since DD has arrived has changed as well, walking straight into our house, like she owns the place. She LNOWS he will take her side like she knows who's boss...! Also my DD hates her, just cries when she picks her up and squeals in her face and picks her up and waves her about. Put it this way, what sort of woman pulls a baby off her mothers breast just do she can have her moment with her...???

HerRoyalFattyness Fri 08-Jul-16 08:00:44

What do you mean pulled her off the breast? Why did you let her? She would have been told to fuck right off if she tried that woth me.

cosmicglittergirl Fri 08-Jul-16 08:02:39

I didn't think you were meant to eat when having an epidural?

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 08:04:58

She just walked into the house, came into my living room and just grabbed her, I couldn't believe it myself to be honest...
And I couldn't have eaten anyway I felt awful!!

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 08:08:46

The problem is, I'm really soft and not assertive at all and that's just who I am and it feels like she's noticed that and she can just walk all over me, and it doesn't help that bf doesn't stick by me

Scoopmuckdizzy Fri 08-Jul-16 08:11:22

I'm amazed the midwives didn't send her away when they realised you didn't want her there.

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 08:13:06

Well I don't think they wanted to get involved, but they must've said something to the new midwife because she told her to go straight away

HerRoyalFattyness Fri 08-Jul-16 08:16:46

It's not about not wanting to get involved. Midwives have to do what you want, whether they feel awkward telling her or not.

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 08:32:13

I really wish things had gone different now!!

NeedACleverNN Fri 08-Jul-16 08:36:16

Lock your front and back door and hide the keys so your BF can't let her in

She will then have to knock on the door where you can say "sorry it's not convienient right now" and go back to bed.

If your BF starts to get cross tell him not to let the door hit him as he goes out

PurpleDaisies Fri 08-Jul-16 08:39:20

I'm amazed you didn't have a c section with a breech baby when labour isn't progressing. It's highly unusual not to be taken in for one after 36hours of labour.

You must have been pretty assertive to manage that-every doctor I know would have been begging you to go to theatre.

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 08:43:59

She's got a spare key lol!!

Sorry I might've worded things wrong. When I say 36 hours of labour I should've really said contractions xx

Sorry for the confusion xx

NeedACleverNN Fri 08-Jul-16 08:46:57

She has a spare key?!

Tell her you have lost yours and you need hers to get it cut

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 08:59:21

Yeaaaaaa she had it from we go on holiday for looking after the cats and stuff sad
It's pretty sad really because I can see in her face she's doing it on purpose and she's showing me who's in charge but if I try and talk to bf about it he thinks I'm being paranoid but I'm just not!
I think women are better at seeing things like this

BertrandRussell Fri 08-Jul-16 09:09:08

I would love to know more about how you managed to persuade them to let you labour in a pool in a birthing centre with a breech baby.

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 09:40:35

What would you like to know??

BertrandRussell Fri 08-Jul-16 09:42:43

Just how you did it. I have never heard of anyone having 36 hours of contractions at home then a birthing centre and a pool with a breech baby. It actually sounds quite negligent of the hospital.

Cherrycoke2016 Fri 08-Jul-16 09:54:25

We were turning her xx we spent the whole day doing it on the birthing ball and stuff I'm sure I was told that if I got in the pool then I'd be able to get into a position that would turn her, anyway after so long I had to go to the delivery suite because I was still only 6cm and they gave me some hormone stuff to speed it all up but I reckon if that hadn't worked then I would've had a C section xx but I did need to have stitches too and kiwi birth. I had her at south manchester which I've been told is a very good hospital for maternity confused. To be honest though I did lose LOADS of blood and I'm still on iron tablets now. Sorry if not explaining myself very well, was my first baby and I didn't really know what was going on at the time and stuff xx

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