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gender disappointment - anyone else?

(81 Posts)
honeymoonmum Fri 27-Aug-10 21:06:42

So obviously I am delighted my baby is healthy, beautiful, safe.........

I was convinced it was a girl and I now have two boys. I have a horrible empty feeling in my stomach.

Anyone else feel robbed?

I feel spoilt and ungrateful; but just so wanted a daughter

FirstTimeMummy2Be Mon 17-Jan-11 16:54:48

Message deleted

readytobeamum Wed 19-Jan-11 19:38:23

This is something that concerns me as I am desperate for a girl! Definitely don't beat yourself up about it. You aren't a terrible mum, as you can see from the post many women feel the same. There was a programme about this recently on channel 4. It is still on 4oD why not check it out and see how other women cope/or don't cope!

naturalbaby Tue 01-Feb-11 11:45:14

I had ds3 a few days ago and thought he would be a girl but i think i knew deep down i would have 3 boys. I've already had my first 'going to try for a girl?' comment. I know plenty of families with 3 or more children of the same gender so feel normal in a way.

i just don't want people to feel sorry for ds3 and think that we only had a 3rd child because we wanted a girl. if anything it's other people's reactions that is making it harder. i feel like people think parents with 2 same sex children have another child to try for the 'other' gender rather than because they just want a bigger family.

BabyMaking2011 Fri 11-Feb-11 13:40:45

i havent started my family yet, but i know that if i never had a girl i would have a little deep down sadness at the things i feel i might miss out on. justified or otherwise, thats how i feel. things like the ralationship you have, familiar girls clothes/toys/activities, weddings & grandchildren (which generally seem to be more intimate for the mother of the bride/maternal grandmother) the way daughters seem to look out for their parents in a way sons maybe are less aware of etc etc of course these things arent really set in gender but feelings dont have to be rational. I know i would love a boy child to the ends of the earth, but i still hope i have a girl too.

BeatriceLaBranche Fri 11-Feb-11 14:56:37

Well I have genius tendencies <brushes medal> as I have DS and DD2 (DD1 died at 2, so all anyone sees is DS and DD2).

I apparently don't have to have anymore children because I have the "perfect" family. A gentleman's family so I am told. (bullshit)

My DSIS on the other hand has DD (severely disabled) and then three DS, she is constantly being encouraged to go for the elusive (nt, healthy) girl.

Make of that what you will. I'm not sure you can every please other people.

BeatriceLaBranche Fri 11-Feb-11 15:26:40

<pssst, I was joking about the medal>

G1nger Tue 22-Mar-11 16:02:37

Oh children don't have to get damaged by this kind of thing. I'm the fourth daughter of my parents' attempts to produce a son for my dad, and there was a running joke in the family about this. It didn't affect me at all.

I really do want a daughter, too - and I hope that one of my two children will be female. I found out about "nub theory" yesterday and now think that perhaps my first child could be a boy on its basis. Of course, it could go either way. And I'm very excited about maybe producing a little boy "like my partner". Someone to make someone like me very happy too one day

I think it's good that we allow eachother to share their secrets on here and give everyone that little outlet. We shouldn't judge anyone for it. We're all just being honest in this "safe" place.

Maya6 Fri 26-Aug-11 21:14:37

Hiya. I have had similar feelings would love a girl but know that I will love either and just want a healthy baby

blonderedhead Wed 14-Sep-11 01:10:58

just read this - surely the 'bias against boys' is because mn is a predominantly female site and parents often gravitate towards one of their own sex. In real life, I hear far more about men wanting a boy so they can prove how macho their sperm is share their bonding experiences.

I'm ttc and I know I want a girl. Mainly so I can dress her in non-pink, buy her a football and a science kit and praise her intelligence and wit. I expect if I do get a girl, she'll turn into a Jordan wannabe, just to serve me right. But we cannot help what we wish for.

SheCutOffTheirTails Wed 14-Sep-11 01:36:59

I find gender preference a weird one - when I first got pregnant I had no preference, and never had had, but during that pregnancy I came to really, really want a girl.

It was weird, and I don't know where it came from, but there it was - a strong desire for a girl that reason and logic couldn't shake. I had a girl.

Second time around I had no real preference for most of the pregnancy. Mostly imagined it was another girl, but would have been quite happy either way. In the last few weeks I became convinced I was having a boy, to the point that I did have a fleeting moment's confusion (and a little disappointment) that it was another girl.

I hope to have a 3rd, and for the first time I care in advance. I'd be delighted with another girl, but god I'd love to have a son.

I buy into all the "you're having a person", dislike gender stereotyping, but I care about this far more than I'm willing to own in real life.

OP - having two the same is great, you'll love it smile

Thumbwitch Wed 14-Sep-11 02:10:55

Wonder why this thread keeps being resurrected?

SheCutOffTheirTails Wed 14-Sep-11 02:24:12

Shit, didn't even notice.

iloveberries Fri 07-Oct-11 14:07:38

hey honeymoon mum congrats on your lovely boy.

firstly you have nothing to feel guilty about, you cannot help the way you feel and you are doing totally the right thing talking about it rather than bottling it up. You sound besotted with your boys anyway so i think some of the catty posts are totally uncalled for.

i think sleeping so well gave great advice about examining what you want in a girl that a boy can't give is spot on.

i have a DS and have wondered "will i be the grandma who's frozen out?" BUT that is way inthe future and i know LOTS of my girlfriends who get on better with their MILs than their own mums so really if it's a boy or a girl it doesn't guarantee everything,

good luck smile

lovechoc Thu 20-Oct-11 13:46:17

probably keeps being updated thread because it's a topic many women feel they want to discuss when it's affecting them.

Hormonalhell Tue 04-Dec-12 18:17:49

I really wanted a girl but I found out at scan was a boy, was initially disappointed but now I'm almost due to have him and I'm glad he's a boy. Feel like I've bonded with him smile

That's why sometimes good idea to find out the sex

givemeaclue Tue 04-Dec-12 18:19:35

Find this an awfully sad and horridthread.

qumquat Wed 05-Dec-12 19:42:56

I think a lot of gender dissapointment can come from gender stereotyping. The gender of your child tells you nothing about what they will be like or what kinds of activities they will enjoy. It tells you nothing about the kind of bond they will have with either parent or siblings. All it tells you is whether they will have the ability to give birth or not.

Babyh200 Sat 08-Dec-12 10:51:51

Give me a clue: I couldn't agree more. My beautiful boy was born asleep in July of this year 5 days before my due date. Instead of being disappointed these women should be grateful they have a LIVE baby. Come into my world for a second and picture our nursery and getting to the final week of your pregnancy with everything ready for a BABY. I didn't find out the sex like so many, I just wanted a live, healthy baby. My little girl cries herself to sleep each night and says this is going to be the worst Christmas ever.........COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS that's what I say!!!

fortyplus Sat 08-Dec-12 10:56:02

The OP's baby is two now so hopefully she has no regrets about her beautiful son.
Babyh200 you sum it up for me - so sorry about your loss. sad

Babyh200 Sat 08-Dec-12 11:05:49

Thanx FORTY PLUS......although I'm heartbroken there are 2 sides to every coin......some of the mums who are unfortunately part of 'a sad club no one wants to be in' have no children at all xxxx

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 08-Dec-12 13:42:33

Not me personally but we had a sexing scan with this DC, and DP was disappointed. (Another DS)

I was thrilled as I cant imagine having a girl, I cant say id of been disappointed though, as I'm just grateful to be pregnant again (fertility issues)

shoobidoo Sun 16-Dec-12 07:44:30

I've not read all the posts but just wanted to say that a lot of families would like to have the experience of raising both a male and a female.
That is not so say they are not grateful to have a baby, only that the experiences of raising boys and girls can be different and most families would prefer to share both.

pinkandyellowbutterfly Thu 27-Dec-12 23:48:06

Congratulations on the birth of your son! Be gentle with yourself - having a baby is such a complex experience, and you're allowed to have all kinds of feelings about it. Congratulate yourself, you have just given birth and above all, enjoy enjoy enjoy your children :-)

Harrysmummysarah1 Sat 12-Jan-13 20:14:23

I had two girls then a boy..
I was one of three girls and we get along wonderfully and wanted nothing more than my daughters to expierence that as well
But now i couldn't imagine my 3rd being a girl his a delight... Most of the time...

honey86 Sat 09-Feb-13 21:22:03

i was like that when i had my 2nd son, i was depressed... we hardly bonded.... but then i went on to have a girl whos nearly school age now x

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