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bereaved sons birthday

(13 Posts)
brightstar1 Sat 13-Aug-05 12:15:06

would have been ds1s 13th birthday on tuesday (16th).feel bad that we can't celebrate such an important day.we (dh, dsx3)usually go out to ds1 favourite place,but doesnt seem enough now.7yrs but hurts just as much!people think i should be ok now but im not.

fairyfly Sat 13-Aug-05 12:23:19

I'm so sorry, i don't know how you ever get over something like that. I hope you do something lovely to remember him by.

spidermama Sat 13-Aug-05 12:27:20

Happy birthday to him. I'm so sorry. Like firefly says, do something nice to remember him by and look after yourself on this very special, and specially hard day for you. x

Catbert Sat 13-Aug-05 12:42:51

Have you talked about it on here before? Do you want to? I know it's a hard thing to do to want to talk in RL (because like you say, people all just think you are getting on with things and are fine etc) but here is a great place to talk about the things you want to say about him. It's up to you. I can't get back on here until later, but there are so many people who will be understanding and lend an ear (or eyes in this case) for you.

These anniversaries are very difficult and will never stop being so. But I hope it is a positive day for you as much as it can be. x

Aero Sat 13-Aug-05 12:45:19

so sorry. Be kind to yourself.

Dophus Sat 13-Aug-05 13:53:35

My thoughts are with you.

brightstar1 Sat 13-Aug-05 16:02:21

Thanks for all your lovely messages, your all so kind. haven't been on here before,so it was really nice to get such a response!made me feel better just talking(so to speak).our son died of Leukaemia 7 yrs ago,age 5.my Ds2 just wrote a fantastic poem about his brother at school.which made me feel that we dont do enough to keep his memory alive, and didnt realize the affect it all had on my 2nd son,3 at time.

Littlestarsweeper Sat 13-Aug-05 16:06:10

A nice way to mark his birthday (maybe next year) is to plant a tree with the permission of the local council and put a plaque underneath in his memory. I feel very for you.

mancmum Sat 13-Aug-05 16:39:47

I could not read this without sending you my heartfelt sympathies... every day must be hard but a special birthday is especially heartbreaking... my friend lost her DS at birth 4 years ago and I know a tiny bit of how you must feel...

as for what you should do? So hard, as the 13 year old he would have been would be so different to the 5 year old you lost ... maybe find something new for your other dss' to do or go to and celebrate your first son through them enjoying something different? He lives on thru them -- especially your DS2 -- maybe get him poem framed ?

lulabelle Mon 15-Aug-05 14:27:44

birghtstar1, I can't post on Tuesdays (work pc) but I will be thinking of you and your family tomorrow. I can't imagine how you must feel or even begin to suggest how to get over it.x

brightstar1 Fri 19-Aug-05 14:15:49

thanks everyone.week hasnt been as bad as i thought it would be. dsx3 keeping me too busy i guess, which is a good thing!Actually had a lovely day on Tue,went to ds1 favourite park,released balloons for him and had picnic.Then met Dh and took boys to pics to see Madagascar,which Ds1 would have loved.have found im losing patience quicker with boys,but cant expect them to know how im feeling.Dh has been v.miserable. need some time on our own i think x

Toothache Fri 19-Aug-05 14:31:45

Brightstar1 - I'm glad you had not to bad a day. It must just be so sad for you and your family. I'm sure everyone will understand you being a bit shortfused at the very least!

Take care.

triplets Sat 20-Aug-05 22:32:22

Hello Brightstar,
I have been away so only just seen your message. I know only too well how you feel. I lost my darling Matthew 11 years ago. At that time he was our only child, he was 14. As you sadly know your world is turned upside down and ripped inside out, there just are no words to say that can really describe the rawness and pain that you feel when your child dies, and how I hate even writing those words now. The first 4 years after he died we just went to the cemetery with our flowers and cards and I would just sit and cry and cry. It was and still is very important for me that my family send us a card to say that they miss him and think of him, well sadly that very rarely happens now. In 1998 four years later and 3 ivf attempts later, I gave birth to Thomas, Rebecca and James, amazing, beautiful so wanted children.But, life is still so very hard, I want them all. We have been thinking that what we should do is let them have a second mini birthday on Matthews birthday, 9th July, theirs is very much a winter date, 27th January, so they cannot have a nice party in the garden as Matthew used to. It would be a way to celebrate Matthews birthday, because it is still his birthday, I never think that he is still 14, I am very clear that he is now 26.Last year we decided to take the trio out for the day on Matthews birthday, and we chose to do something that he had not had the chance to do. We went through the channel tunnel and spent the day in France, we just pic-nic`d and it felt good. He was so excited about the tunnel opening, it was 1994, the same year he died, I was invited by a friend to go through it on its first trip and I just wanted to scream and cry because he would never do it. Oh dear I didn`t mean to go on for so long, but sometimes I need to be given the opportunity to talk about him, it so rarely happens now. Feeling for you xxxx

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