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How do I break to a 6 and 3 year old that their nanna's seriously ill.

(15 Posts)
MrsBubsDeVere Sat 06-Aug-05 14:38:59

My mil has been in and out of hospital now for a few months and in the early hours of friday morning she had a serious heart attack, she has now signed a form stating she does not want to be resucitated if it happens again.

How do I break it to two young children that their nanna is seriously ill, tbh I would be surprised if she makes it to the end of the month.

006 Sat 06-Aug-05 15:57:52

I have recently lost both parents and have a 5yo and 3yo DD (plus a baby). My Dad died very suddenly and I had no warning either - an aneurism during the night. I just explained literally what happened, that Grandad had died not fallen asleep etc) and gone to heaven. I explained that his funeral was our chance to say goodbye and show how much we loved and missed him.

My Mum was undergoing treatment and surgery for cancer and was in and out of hospitals and finally in a hospice. When she died I followeds the same pattern. The girls seemed to accept the information. Howver, I did not forwarn them as they would have asked unanswerables such as when.

As they had recently lost my Dad, they did ask if she would die and I followed the path that everone does sometime, but we hoped not for a long time yet.

They seemed to have dealt with it OK, and I know they understand because they often tell people about it (accurately!).

I would not aim for too much info at the moment, I am sure they understand she is ill. IME they deal better with facts than concerns.

Hope yoy are bearing up OK,

best wishes

MrsBubsDeVere Sat 06-Aug-05 17:17:14

Just been to the hosp, she is now in ccu, she is refusing any more treatment and the nurses have said that it is a miracle that she is still here.

The kids have been in to see her and given her a kiss and cuddle, dd1 is besides herself and can't stop crying she knows here nanna will be going to heaven soon.

DH is still at hosp with SIL, don't think she will make it till midnight.

Hausfrau Sat 06-Aug-05 17:22:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBubsDeVere Sat 06-Aug-05 17:31:10

Thank you very very much for that, I have just bought the book so hopefully should receive it soon.

No news as yet.

mumtosomeone Sat 06-Aug-05 17:35:20

well, I would just tell them! I believe in telling kids the truth!

MrsBubsDeVere Mon 08-Aug-05 13:15:29

I have ALWAYS told the kids the truth and intend to do so when their nanna dies, what i'm wanting to know is how can i console my eldest.

Since this was started she had another serious heart attack and brought herself round, she is still refusing medication and the doctors say it will happen again, but it's a matter of when.

Mum2girls Mon 08-Aug-05 13:23:09

I had to explain to DD1 (4) that Grandad had died last year. She seemed to accept really easily - asked lots of questions and stuff - and that was that I thought.

However, she has recently developed a real thing about me dying 'like grandad did' . Each night for the past fortnight we have these conversations and one night last week she was jumping all over the couch and although I told her to stop, she didnt and banged her head into my cheekbone. It really hurt, so i did yell at her. Well, she absolutely broke her heart - 'I didn't mean to hurt you mummy, I love you more than anything in the whole world, I want you to be here forever' and so on. I felt dreadful.

spub Mon 08-Aug-05 14:06:23

Sorry to hear about this.
Dunno how old your children are, Bubs but a few years back a colleague of mine died of stomach cancer aged 36. He had a 6 and 4 year old and the way they explained it in advance of the event was by using "The Lion King" video particularly with respect to Mufasa's death. This seemed to help them to grasp the concept.
Good luck and hope the children cope as well as possible when it happens.

MrsBubsDeVere Mon 08-Aug-05 15:18:57

Thanks for that, they are 3 and 6, the youngest doesn't really understand but the eldest starts crying now if her nanna's name is mentioned.

lydz Mon 08-Aug-05 15:28:05

Sorry you're in this situation - when my mother was very ill and died earlier this year my children handled it better than I did and were comforting me, so I don't really know what to suggest, maybe focus on some of the nice things that they've done with your MIL in the past and what happy memories they will have even after she dies, rather than talking about the scary unknown future after she's gone. hth

cadbury Mon 08-Aug-05 16:04:53

Hi, have just seen this. I'm so sorry you are going through this. There is another book that I've used called "Badgers Parting Gifts" that might help. I think I have a copy in storage somewhere if you'd like me to send it to you.
Hugs to you all.

MrsBubsDeVere Mon 08-Aug-05 16:22:00

That would be great thanks cadbury, long time no speak lol.. I'll e-mail you with my addy.

cadbury Mon 08-Aug-05 16:59:04

Have had a dig around and found it. Will get it off to you as soon as I hear from you

misdee Mon 08-Aug-05 17:00:32

no idea. i havent told my kids really about dh. they are almost 3 and 5.5yrs old.

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