Losing my best friend and dont know what to do

(10 Posts)
LucyM6 Fri 26-Mar-10 07:37:23

My best friend is dying, it looks like we have about 2 weeks at most.

Can't believe it's happening, though she was ill for a few months.

I am terrified because I don't know what I'll do afterwards. She has been my best friend for 15 years.

how do you cope? I can't ever replace her.

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Bicnod Fri 26-Mar-10 07:41:41

Hi Lucy, I don't have any experience of this but just wanted to say I'm really really sorry and will be thinking of you. Hopefully someone more useful will come along in a minute but didn't want you to go unanswered x x

maddylou Fri 26-Mar-10 08:06:10

I lost my best friend and neighbour some years ago,it was very sudden.
Lots of people rallied round to help the family in practical ways but it tailed off after 6 months so you can be there for the long haul
Lots of us said that we shouldn`t all be so busy and should make more time to talk to each other especially as kids get older and you lose school gate etc.a group got set up which still meets monthly--it is based in a chuch hall but anyone can go-not religious apart from one prayer,also see other friends more.I think support networks very important as deaths and illnesses do happen when you are least expecting it.
Wishing you strength in difficult days ahead

LucyM6 Fri 26-Mar-10 09:12:50

Thankyou both for being so kind, yes it will be important to keep in touch with ehr family and the other friends she has, afterwards. Just can't imagine what you do with that vast empty space in your heart.

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maddylou Fri 26-Mar-10 10:27:42

you grieve,you cry ,you keep busy,you talk about her,you feel as if a close family member has died,you remember her in places you were with her,you are sad she isn`t there when her children reach various milestones,you find old photos and videos with her in----you remember how kind she was,how she listened and had time for every one and you try to emulate that. You discover that she had many best friends--,you especially miss the close confidances and trust you shared.you become closer to other friends but it is never quite the same.
Tell her you will look out for her family.

LucyM6 Fri 26-Mar-10 11:03:12

thankyou

i'm crying now,

I wrote to her a few weeks ago and I told her I'd make sure her children knew all about her, and what she was like

I said they can always call me and talk about her, I shan't forget their birthdays

She's past being very lucid now and doesn't want visitors, but I know she had my letter and was moved by it.

just waiting now. Maddylou I am sorry you have been through this, you know just how it feels don't you x

OP’s posts: |
maddylou Fri 26-Mar-10 11:26:02

Thank you too

Winston`s Wish,Memory boxes??

Have you read "Before I say Good bye"by Ruth Picardie? It`ll make you cry but could be good thing.

Sorry for you and the long wait .

LucyM6 Fri 26-Mar-10 14:07:48

I will suggest those ideas - thanks.

I'll go and look up Ruth Picardie. I need a good cry, it's not quite happening at the moment - still don't believe it iyswim.

I guess this is something most of us go through at some stage.

OP’s posts: |
timelordvictorious Fri 26-Mar-10 14:20:17

I'm so sorry to hear this, LucyM6.

I lost a very close friend just over 6 years ago. We lived together when we were at university, and she died suddenly just after we graduated.

Could you possibly become involved in the funeral? I spoke at my friend's, and while it was an incredibly difficult thing to do, it felt as though I was doing one last thing for her, and helped me. Plus, if you have been her friend for fifteen years I imagine that you have some lovely stories to share.

My group of friends always get together for the weekend on the anniversary of her death, just girls, and have a gentle weekend together. Usually a walk, maybe afternoon tea, and then an evening meal with lots of wine and storytelling, topped off with the dessert that our friend always made when it was her turn to cook when we lived together.Do you have shared friends you could do something similar with?

It will be an incredibly difficult time, and my thoughts are with you.

LucyM6 Fri 26-Mar-10 17:48:01

thankyou TLV, I'm really sorry about your friend.

I will be involved in the funeral I hope (seems weird talking about it) but not sure yet what will happen regarding that.

We do have a mutual friend that I have recently got back in touch with, which helps and we plan to meet up sometime, but she lives somewhere else, not local. at the moment it feels as though once she has gone, that'll be it - I don't really know any of her other friends and they are all quite a long way off.

I like your idea of getting together, that's really nice and I am glad it helps you.

I shan't ever forget her but it is hard to keep someone's memory alive when nobody you know, really knew them - iyswim? It's just one of those things, I'll find a way. Most of all at the moment I just feel shocked and scared. I only have a few friends, she was the closest for such a long time and knows everything. Things I would find it hard to share with others.

It's just the way it goes, isnt it.

OP’s posts: |

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