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Motherless mothers on mothers day

(92 Posts)
SiriusStar Thu 25-Feb-10 11:28:22

This will be my 10th Mothers Day without my mum. It got easier when I had my ds as it meant that I could "join in" and be part of it again.
I still find it hard though, seeing all the posters and cards. I get annoyed at buying a card for my mil and can't even write Mum on gift tags for her as it feels wrong.
The thing that people don't tell you about when someone dies is that you not only grieve for the past that has gone but the future you won't get as they are no longer with you.
My lovely Mum has missed so much and I feel the loss of her so keenly in March and then the anniversary in May. It may not sting as much but the dull ache is still there.

I suppose I just wanted to say that I am thinking of all you motherless mothers over the next couple of weeks.

magicOC Sun 14-Mar-10 16:55:35

I didn't know if I should post here or not as I don't have children, so please don't be annoyed with me.

Just wanted to say Happy Mothers Day to my own mum out there. Hope you and dad are having a good day.

It's been 14yrs sice she passed and the first mothers day was doubly hard as it was also a few days after Dunblane. Although we as a family were not directly affected, it did affect the town as a whole. Horribe horrible time.

Time does heal tho,you can't change the past, but, nothing can ever destroy the memories we have of sharing that time with a mother, so sorry for those who lost their mother at a very young age.

Really feel for all of you who are going thru this for the 1st time, I hope today has not been too difficult.

asdx2 Sun 14-Mar-10 17:05:25

I lost my mum 25 years ago yesterday I was 17.I hate it when Mothers Day falls around her anniversary it's like a double blow.Added to that it's Dad's birthday today and more than 10 years since he died.
I miss them both.It feels so unfair mum never met her grandchildren and whilst I celebrate with my own children I still feel sad that I haven't got my own mum and it makes what should be a happy day difficult.

dillydallydolly Mon 15-Mar-10 00:59:55

I've just stumbled on this thread and am so glad I did and seeing that i'm not alone. Have felt terrible the days leading up to today when you see all the reminders to 'treat your mum', looking for cards with just the right sentiment on behalf of DP for his Mum! and everyone on gmtv with the 'best mum' competition, it felt like a little bit more of my heart was breaking and I just want to shout at the telly "but you dont know - MY mum WAS the best"
Of course I didnt DS and DD would give me the look that says whats up with you woman, you have us and you should be so happy, we love you so much.
And I am so so happy with my little family but that seems to only make it all the more depressing for me, especially at this time of year that the one person who knows you better than you know yourself and that could help you in a flash with all the questions, insecurities and dilemas you have just is'nt able to share in all the daily ups and downs that your children bring along and that you cant tell her WOW! I am Utterly Amazed how you did all that you did for me and my brother in such trying circumstances and how I love you all the more for it now because I have had a tiny taste of what some of your life must of been like.
It will be six years this summer since I lost my Wonderful Mum far too soon, we miss you but we dont forget you, Happy Mothers Day Mum xx

basl Mon 15-Mar-10 01:37:08

slightly different but i lost my sister 2 years ago now and her lovley sons 9 & 11 dread mothers day. They tell me how they keep getting asked by random people "what you gonna do for your mum on md" They tell me they can't wait for it to pass. They get asked things all the time by people who presume they have a mum and it is heartbreaking. So sad to read everyone else's thoughts as i am sure this will be them in years to come.

squilly Mon 15-Mar-10 13:14:42

So sorry for your nephews Basl. That must be so hard for them. And we ask these kind of questions without thinking sometimes. Made me think about what I ask in future.

I hope they managed to get through the day without too much grief.

basl Mon 15-Mar-10 13:52:57

thanks squilly that was so kind

DiddleAndGruff Mon 15-Mar-10 14:19:24

This will be my 7th year without my mum. But I feel I lost her long before that as she was ill for so many years and not herself emotionally. For the last year of her life she refused to allow me or anyone to visit her and rarely spoke on the phone (she was in agonising pain). I had jsut decided to visit regardless with the most perfect mother's day gift when I got a call to say she was slipping away. By the time I got to hospital she was more or less in a coma. The gift still sits in my wardrobe on the top shelf wrapped up. I simply don't know waht to do about it.

I feel very alone as I am left with a dad and brothers who do not approve of emotions or anything so called "sappy". I was not even allowed to have "In loving memory..." on her tombstone as that was just too sentimental.

I have very mixed feelings about her but I know the bad times we had were mainly caused by illness and I desperately crave her as she once was especially as I really need her advice with problems I am having with my dc. She would have stopped me feeling as worthless as I do now.

basl Mon 15-Mar-10 16:52:58

That must be so difficult for you Diddle, so many emotions held in really not got for you. At least you have mums net to talk about how you are feeling and sure you are no doing such a bad job with you dc than you think. If you can talk about it here at least that is something but i can't imagine what this has been like for you.

Pikelit Tue 16-Mar-10 18:53:40

My mother died 3 weeks ago. I knew, from the call we had at Christmas that I wouldn't see her again although there was no actual evidence to back my instinct up. We don't really do Mother's Day in our family but I did used to enjoy my mother's rants against the commercialism of it! I'm fortunate though. She died quickly and in the comfort of her own home aged 84. I am in my 50's so do not have that awful sense of loss that must accompany the untimely death of a mother when you are young. Of course I miss her but I am also relieved that she died as she did and not as the result of a long illness or following any loss of mental acuity.

magicOC Tue 16-Mar-10 20:36:54

Pikelit, so sorry for your recent loss. sad

Must be an age thing the commercialism smile. My parents used to say the same, although they did secretly enjoy being spoilt.

My mum suffered for 10yrs before her death which was hard to watch, in the end it was as you say a blessing.

My dad on the other hand, altho not in great health for over 30yrs, enjoyed life to the full and it was only in the last 18month he went downhill. The end was very quick (3wks) so we are grateful for that too.

Hope you are doing OK.

Pikelit Wed 17-Mar-10 12:44:50

Thanks MagicOC. I suspect I shall never entirely believe she isn't at home, in Northern Ireland, telling off naughty chickens and taking goats for a walk! But she touched many people's hearts by her character and kindnesses and I have good memories (which made for good stories at the class Irish wake we enjoyed) and for that I am exceedingly grateful. How much harder it must be to lose your mother many years before her time. My heart goes out to all of you in that situation.

toomuchmum Sun 21-Mar-10 07:51:06

Cinema Paradiso,

Your poem was lovely, thank you for sharing it. I was lucky in the respect that I have two sisters, we all helped each other through. Must be tough to cope with it on your own.

Hope everyone found a way to get through mothers day.

Fizzylemonade Wed 24-Mar-10 12:28:46

I've just found this thread, I am sorry for everyone who lost their Mum when they were so young.

Cinema Paradiso (love the name) the poem was beautiful.

My Mum died 2 months ago after a very short battle with cancer. Mother's Day was fortunately taken up with my niece's birthday party as my sister couldn't bear the thought of us all being horrifically upset on the day so gave us a distraction.

I'm lucky that my children are almost 7 and 4 so she knew them really well and my Mum was my friend as well as my Mum. She was a huge part of our lives.

I am lucky that we have video footage of her from last year when we took my children to Thomas Land so I have her voice to listen to.

I really hope everyone got through Mother's Day.

plum100 Wed 24-Mar-10 13:35:54

Hi all,

just found this thread - it was my first mothers day without mum too, she died at christmas.

It was a hard day but was no different to any other. I have this pain in my chest that wont go away, I miss her so much I just dont know what to do without her. I havent seen her for so long, I have so much to tell her. I feel I am too young to have lost her (my dad dies 4 years ago too) I need her. I feel like a 4 yr old in a supermarket who has lost their mum - Im frightened and I need her to look after me and she's not here.It really hurts.

aristocat Wed 24-Mar-10 18:16:42

plum100 sad your words are so true.
i am sorry to say that empty feeling is still with me and i dont think it will ever go away.
i lost my dad in dec 1999 and mom 6 months later. i have a super hubby and 2 lovely DCs and this helps me.

what i am trying to say is that you have to accept that your life has changed.
there is always someone on MN if you need to talk smile

pinkcat99 Fri 03-Jan-14 13:18:44

my mum died when i was a few hours old and dad always blamed me over the years he got married 3 more times one left him and he blamed me when i was 2 he dump me on his mum, when i was 16 i left home and nan died a few months later and dad blamed me again,a over the years people have told me things about my mum and dad, i know that i did not know my mum but i still miss her every day it has took me a long time to get over what my dad did and when he died i did not cry i was just happy that he was not here to hurt me any more. when i had my 3 children i wanted to be the best mum i can be and i hope that i am

telsa Fri 03-Jan-14 14:31:45

How very very sad. You have had a tough life, but it sounds as if you are making the very best of it with your children. I wish you all the best.

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