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Gifts for a terminally ill person

(39 Posts)
RisingPhoenix Sat 13-Feb-10 19:34:21

I hope it is not insensitive to post here. Very difficult to know where to put this query.

Some friends and I are putting together a pamper parcel for a another friend who has terminal cancer. We have ummed and ahhhed - it seems a bit crass in some ways, but we are well meaning and want to do something.

We are putting the usual in but I was thinking some books and dvds might be good too. But then it seems such a minefield (have to be careful with the subject matter covered not to evoke distress). Any suggestions?

Thank you

EccentricaGallumbits Sat 13-Feb-10 19:36:05

no experience but i think it's lovely.

what about some vouchers for complementary type thingys? reflexology, massage, aromatherapy type stuff.

brimfull Sat 13-Feb-10 19:36:11

comedy book that's easy to dip in and out of
is it for a man or woman?

brimfull Sat 13-Feb-10 19:36:44

god mine sounds crass
just thought a light hearted book might be nice

RisingPhoenix Sat 13-Feb-10 19:37:08

A woman (a young woman at that - and a mum of small children sad)

RisingPhoenix Sat 13-Feb-10 19:37:57

I think she'd like a laugh actually ggirl. Appropriate for her, I'd say

brimfull Sat 13-Feb-10 19:38:33

how sad
difficult one

mummyofexcitedprincesses Sat 13-Feb-10 19:40:45

How about some nice music, candles, maybe some pampering stuff or aromatherapy things. Or arrange a massage or similar treat- a mani-pedi or facial?

When my dad was dying he appreciated books but towards the end he could no longer concentrate on them.

It is a lovely idea.

bibbitybobbityhat Sat 13-Feb-10 19:46:56

It depends on how close to death the person is.

If she is still able to be out and about and participate then I think a lovely meal out with friends and a lot of laughs, or a weekend away, or a trip in a hot air balloon, trip in a limo to the theatre ... that kind of thing would be nice.

If, however, she is now fairly restricted in what she can do, then anything at all she likes to eat, drink, see, read, hear or smell would I'm sure be very welcome.


Kirst16 Sat 13-Feb-10 19:48:02

Thinking along the lines of a voucher for a family day out (if she is up to it), so both she and the children have some special memories together. Or perhaps a portrait sitting with a local photographer, so the children have some recent pictures with their mum. Some nice notebooks or scrapbook would also go down well, that way she can document thins for the family, which they can look back on in years to come. Or if you are short for cash some IOU vouchers (where you offer your services, help with chores etc, doing school run etc) which will help make her life easier when she isn't feeling so great.

PixieOnaLeaf Sat 13-Feb-10 19:51:04

Message withdrawn

fruitshootsandheaves Sat 13-Feb-10 19:51:28

from experience, I would suggest some talking books on CD.

RisingPhoenix Sat 13-Feb-10 19:53:44

Talking books - good plan for when she is too tired to read and concentrate. Do I need to be unduly careful of subject material?

Georgimama Sat 13-Feb-10 19:55:37

There's no comparison to being terminally ill, but when I was in hospital with a broken spine I couldn't read books - too much effort. I liked magazines a lot, and also talking books, particularly funny ones. I listened to some BBC comedy series (Blackadder etc) on CD and that kept me entertained.

It's a minefield though and you probably know best what sort of thing.

fruitshootsandheaves Sat 13-Feb-10 19:56:04

Recent bestsellers would be a safe bet I would have thought. Obviously steer away from any which sound like they are a bit melancholy(sp?)

Ivykaty44 Sat 13-Feb-10 19:56:18

I would possibly incluse a funny book - cheering someone up would be needed at a time like this, having a good death and good days beofre going would be important.

sorry about your friend..

thirtysomething Sat 13-Feb-10 20:02:30

very sorry this is happening.

depnds on budget but if there's lots of you clubbing together what about one of those e-book thingies? the amazon one comes with lots of pre-loaded books and they can speak the book instead if she's not able to read the text....

whomovedmychocolate Sat 13-Feb-10 20:08:33

When my friend died last year I gave her a book (at her request) on humanist funerals - I know it sounds very morbid but she was aware she was going to die and wanted to do it her way (and she did).

She did complain a lot of sore lips though - so lip balm (hospital air is very drying), and she also got through a lot of dry shampoo (couldn't bathe or shower easily and felt her hair was horrid).

Or how about a digital radio and some headphones, the hospital tele/radio things are very limited.

Flightattendant Sat 13-Feb-10 20:10:55

I'm actually in a similar position atm, books have been requested but am not sure what type would be good.

I hope you find something suitable. Just think of the kind of thing she would normally talk about reading. There's no reason that would change now, unless she habitually read books about death etc I in which case something else might be more appropriate.

I'm sorry this is happening. There are too many poorly mums around sad

RisingPhoenix Sat 13-Feb-10 20:11:24

These are all good suggestions - thanks

Flightattendant Sat 13-Feb-10 20:12:09

Cross posts Wmmc! blush

It really does depend on the person.

RisingPhoenix Sat 13-Feb-10 20:12:18

Sorry to hear that FlightAttendant - its miserable isn't it

Flightattendant Sat 13-Feb-10 20:17:25

Yes. Feel very helpless at the mo.

I got some of her favourite chocolate to send but she's on a special diet so can't eat it...that is the saddest box of chocolates I have ever had to eat.

Gosh I'm being gloomy tonight! Sorry. I'm sure your friend will be really touched by what you are doing.

Sparkler Sat 13-Feb-10 20:23:19

My step dad passed away just after Christmas sad. He had been poorly for quite a while. We all bought him Christmas presents and most of them didn't get used. One present that he really loved was a cushion. He loved elephants and this cushion was really beautiful and had a picture of an elephant on it. He had great use from this before he passed away and helped him to sit comfortably in his chair. Mum hugs it now when she thinks of him.
I don't know if this is something you might think of?

RisingPhoenix Sat 13-Feb-10 20:24:45

That's really poignant Sparkler and a good idea. Sorry for your loss sad

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