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So desperate to be pregnant again

(21 Posts)
CHOCOLATEPEANUT Sun 03-Jul-05 20:16:49

Following the loss of my daughter Philippa in April this year at 24 weeks, we got all the clear from the hospital the end of May (her death was unexplainable) so we started trying again. I got pregnant in the first month with Philippa and with my little girl Lucy who is 19 months old so foolishly thought 'hey presto' would be again. Just got period and feel v low. So wanted to be pregnant by due date (24th July). Feel a bit selfish saying all this as I know it takes some women years to concieve and I do have Lucy,but just have felt in limbo since loosing Philippa and just want to be pregnant again.Husband says I have been horrible to live with while waiting for period and yet here I am marking of what should be my fertile days this month while he looks on in amazement in what I have planned,hardly romantic.
Feel like everyone thinks I am ok and over it but I feel so empty and is it me but everywhere I look there are pregnant women!

charleepeters Sun 03-Jul-05 20:20:26

I know how you feel its horrible when your ttc and you get your period - were ttc and even though i try so hard nt to i always get my hopes up a little bit so when my period comes its a big let down. your not selfish its hell wanting a baby and waiting to fall pg and everywhere you look somebody got a big bump. just want to say im thinking of you and your not alone. im also so sorry to here about Phillipa i hope you fall pg soon. x

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Sun 03-Jul-05 20:23:01

Thanks I hope you do too xx

Period was not even late this time and yet still went through five pregnancy tests how mad am I?!

spidermama Sun 03-Jul-05 20:28:24

Were you 24 wks pregnant? Or was your daughter 24 weeks old when you lost her? Either way, so sad for you.
I lost my first at 15 weeks with no explanation. I remember trying to fill the gap left by getting pregnant again and mourning every month with each period.
It will happen when it happens. I went on to have three, then another loss, then another DS.
I'm sorry I can't help, but just to let you know you're not alone. x

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Sun 03-Jul-05 20:35:14

I was 24 weeks pregnant. I suddenly realised that I had not felt any movements and a scan confirmed the worse. I am 38 this month and that worries me too.I did not have any screening with either of my daughters and dont suppose I will again but its just something else to worry about!

rummum Sun 03-Jul-05 20:41:57

So sorry about philipa, I miscarried early before falling for my daughter (now nearly 9) and I know the emptyness that you are feeling,
can you tell when you ovulate?


CHOCOLATEPEANUT Sun 03-Jul-05 20:52:19

Always had a 28 day cycle and had sex on the 13th day both times in my previous pregnancies(know this as husband was working shifts!)Did same this month, had all the usual signs,discharge and feeling off then period arrived on 31st day so next month going to try every other day from 13th to 19th day.

rummum Sun 03-Jul-05 21:01:24

My friend once told me that when you ovulate you get a clear discharge... like egg white before its cooked... I was horrified when she told me this, and thought that she had far to much time on her hands for her to keep checking her knickers... Anyway she was right...
I was so desperate to fall pregnant that I also slept with a pillow under my back/bum so nothing leaked out....
I was lucky and it worked...


CHOCOLATEPEANUT Sun 03-Jul-05 21:22:17

Sorry whats TMI?

I am like a gymnast after sex with legs in the air for an hour after. My husband thinks I am mad !
The discharge thing I am not too familiar with but I just know that things are different at a certain time of the month.I have not gone down the road of temp and charts but I did spot an ovulation prediction test in boots the other day....

rummum Sun 03-Jul-05 21:26:06

TMI... to much information...

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Sun 03-Jul-05 21:40:31

yes quite.this is how it gets you.obsessed and discussing all matters personal.

charleepeters Sun 03-Jul-05 21:49:01

last month i got excited i tohught i was pg i had what looked like an implantation bleed but then 2 days later i started bleeding heavily i assume it was just my period 1 1/2 weeks early i was so gutted and it was really painfull - it may have been an early misscarriage i dont know. but this month were trying again im due on in 8 days time so fingers crossed.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Mon 04-Jul-05 19:06:52

have everything crossed for you charleepeters (well until my fertile days that is!)

AnnaInManchester Tue 05-Jul-05 15:32:23

Hello Chocolate Peanut.... I am so sorry to hear about baby Philippa. Dont give up trying though xxx

CharleePeters good luck with conceiving too xxx

and lots of hugs and kisses for all our little angels that we've lost before we even had a chance to say a proper hello to them xxx

madrush Tue 05-Jul-05 15:49:34

ChocP, I'm so sorry to hear about Philippa. I had a MC at 7 weeks back in Feb and still have that empty feeling, at 24 weeks your loss must be much harder to bear. I had hoped to be big and pregnant by my due date too and feeling desperate now as I near the time. I hope Lucy gives you comfort and keeps you busy, my dd does and I am so grateful that I had her to hug especially in those early days.

CharleeP I think I've had an early mc since the confirmed one in Feb, like you had all the symptoms and then sudden, painful and heavy bleed longer than usual period.

It's so disappointing and I'm becoming obsessed...
Good luck for this month for all!

horseshoe Wed 06-Jul-05 15:58:32

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of sounds like you are doing all of the right things TTC so trust in your body and know that if it is right it will happen....

I fell pregnant 2 months after my first m/c but unfortunately lost that baby too, however a week later I was pregnant and now have a beautiful DD.

I think had I not fell pregnant, it would have magnified my loss and i think this is probably what your feeling too....However 24 weeks is a long time to be pregnant and a time when you presume all will be well...therefore try and give yourself that time to grieve otherwise it will build up inside and will not provide a good setting for another pregnancy.

I wish you all the best and heres to a healthy and happy forthcoming pregnancy

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Wed 06-Jul-05 19:07:16

Thanks Horseshoe

I know about the grieving process all to well having lost my mum when she was till quite young.This time though I honestly feel that it is the right thing to do by TTC again quickly.

Hoping that this month is the month (not just for me but for us all)

mrsdarcy Wed 06-Jul-05 20:04:34

ChocolatePeanut - I felt exactly the same after I lost my daughter at 19 weeks pregnant in April 2004. All I could think about was becoming pregnant again, and as I had previously conceived straightaway I thought it would be easy this time too. I set myself all sorts of crazy deadlines like must conceive before her due date, must have the next one in the same school year she would have been in etc......

My poor DH was expected to perform to order although I was being a completely unseductive nutcase

In the end it took 4 months to conceive (we waited until the PM results, so altogether I conceived 6 months after Maisie's death) which in retrospect is nothing at all but at the time seemed forever.

I found ovulation kits just made me more obsessive about the whole thing.

I am now expecting another baby next week but the pregnancy has been terribly difficult. If I was doing it all again, I would not have the extra scans and checks. They have proved to be a real double-edged sword, as well as being utterly exhausting.

I'm so sorry about Philippa's death and that you are suffering so much at the moment. I remember last summer as being one of the saddest times in my whole life so I really do sympathise


CHOCOLATEPEANUT Wed 06-Jul-05 21:25:21

Thanks mrsdarcy

We too waited for pm results but i am impatient....

hope all goes well with new baby.Let us know


hester Wed 06-Jul-05 21:52:50

Chocolatepeanut, you lost your daughter just a few weeks ago. That is a very short time and I am not at all surprised that you are still feeling so low. I miscarried way earlier in pregnancy than you, but I remember so well that desperate need to 'replace' the lost baby as soon as possible. I was devastated when I failed to get pregnant again immediately - it felt almost as bad as the original miscarriage. You are still grieving and that will make it even harder for you to cope with the process of ttc. Your loss was huge and I wonder if the people around you appreciate this and are giving you as much support as you need? Have you tried contacting SANDS or a similar support group?

You know you are fertile and I am sure you will get pregnant again very soon. In the meantime, take lots of care and don't expect too much of yourself.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Wed 06-Jul-05 23:29:09

I have spoken to Sands but only for advice on Maternity leave. I have got support aside from hubby and close friends and here xxxxx

I am quite a strong person and I do have my beautiful lucy to give me hugs and smiles everyday

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