advice pls on how to help my mum cope

[elliepac]

apologies in advance if this turns into a long rambling post and also for lack of capital letters (have keyboard ishoos!) thank you for sparing the time to read it.

i could really do with some advice as to how to help my mum deal with life because at the moment she is not coping at all .

to summarise a rather long and horrific story, my dad died from stomach cancer over 9 years ago. this was obviously horrible for all us and particularly mum. anyhow, she coped admirably and gradually things got better. she met a wonderful man a year later and they got married. he became like a dad to me and dsis, grandfather to my dc's and my mum was ridiculously happy. anyway, unfortunately it wasn't meant to be and in july 2008 he was diagnosed with an aggressive and cancerous brain tumour and he passed away in september 2008. i am sure i don't need to explain the effect this had on all uf us but particularly mum. she seemed to be coping quite well but then the dirty 'c' word raised it's head again in march this year when my sister (30) was diagnosed with cancer of the womb and had to have a full hysterectomy (she has no dc's but a dh with whom she would have loved to have them ). thankfully this does have a happier ending and she is currently inr emission and all is well. however, as a result of everything my mum is currently collapsing and can't see that she needs help. dsis/bil currently live with her (and i also know from phone calls that she is drinking way too much), is not coping emotionally and is crumbling. i don't know what to do, we have tried to talk to her but she insists she's fine. i had thought about counselling but she won't even consider it (she actually volunteers for the samaritans..do you think she could counsel herself?). it has come to a head today because she volunteered to have my ds overnight so he could have some 'grandma' time so i dropped him off about 3 when she seemed fine. my sister has just texted me to say that she has drunk a whole bottle of wine, is very drunk and crying. my heart goes out to her but i really don't know what to do and really would appreciate any practical advice/tips.

if you have managed to reach the end of this post then thank you for reading because it did turn long and rambly. i am posting and running to a certain extent because i must go and put dd to bed but will be back shortly.

thank you.

[BlueBumedFly]

I am so sorry to read this and have no advice but did not want you to go unanswered so I am bumping in the hope one of the very lovely ladies from the berevement threads is online and can give you good, practical advise.

Good luck and I am so sorry to hear your family has had such a terrible time.

[nickschick]

Your poor mum and poor you too ...what a horrid run of misfortune.

[WingedVictory]

It doesn't sound as though she could "counsel herself", but could one of her colleagues have a go, or have some suggestions for you, or for her directly?

Poor DS, how responsible he was being, letting you know what was happening, although it is a sign that things have got too far for the existing situation to continue.

Please don't make a big deal out of the drinking with DS (tho' if you could avoid visits alone with her, when DSis and BIL are not there, for the time being, without making an issue out of it), as it might drive her further into denial.

Maybe your GP, or hers, also might be someone to speak to?

Good luck, and don;t forget to take care of your own feelings, and those of the rest of the family...

[elliepac]

thank you for your suggestions. i think maybe the gp is the way to go. i don't know her colleagues at the samaritans and i know she won't admit she's struggling so much as to need to talk to them ifkwim. thank you once again.

[WingedVictory]

Hi, elliepac, how's it going? Have you been able to get someone to see her? Is she feeling better, with the holidays over and done with? I hope the snow hasn;t cut her off from anything.

Thinking of you.