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My best friends mum died yesterday. How do I help her?

(5 Posts)
MyCatIsAMangyGit Fri 06-Nov-09 11:40:02

She's been my best friend since we were 12 (I'm nearly 40) and I knew her mum well, although we weren't close. My friend and her family are devastated. Her mum died after a short but very nasty illness and went down hill fast. She was bright as a button 6 wks ago.

I think that it is probably over the long term that I need to be there for my friend, although obviously I can and will support her now.

What shouldn't I do or say please? And, obviously, what should I do or say too?

I have to go out for a few hrs now but will be back this evening to see if anyone has any words of advise for me.

everlong Fri 06-Nov-09 12:10:59

Ways you can help right this minute is to make sure she has food in, if she has pets, make sure they are looked after properly etc. Cook her some meals to freeze. Just be there. Let her talk about if as much as he needs to and don't be offended if she keeps everything in.

Alot people soon forget and carry on with their lives, you can help your friend by asking how she is in the weeks and months to come and mention her mums name and talk about her. People always think that it is best not to mention their name, but to someone that has lost a loved one, this is an insult.

You sound like a great friend btw x

MyCatIsAMangyGit Fri 06-Nov-09 20:48:44

Thank you everlong. I spoke to her DH today and he has got the house tidy and cooked but can't do the ironing so I'm going to wrestle it from him and do some for them and the kids.

I thought it would be the coming months that would be the toughest for her when everyone has gone back to their lives and she has to carry on without her mum. She is the eldest child too, so her sister and brother (and dad) are currently looking to her for the support.

It is very sad and I'm not sure how I feel about it myself. I don't want to be upset so I can help her but have found myself quite tearful then overly cheerful today. Strange.

everlong Sat 07-Nov-09 00:59:11

It's not strange, you are sad for your friend. These next couple of weeks will be hard and quite surreal, make sure you give yourself a little time out, because I'm sure it can be quite draining for someone who is looking after a grieving person.

Thinking of you, let me know how you get on.

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Sat 07-Nov-09 08:06:24

Thank you everlong. Funeral next week I guess. A very sad one I should think.

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