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I want somewhere to go to remember my mum (her partner will have her ashes), how do I do this?

(9 Posts)
cookiemonstress Wed 21-Oct-09 19:46:56

My mum recently passed away and her partner has expressed a wish to turn her ashes into some crystal pendant thing so he can always keep her with him.

Whilst this is great for him, I feel I'm really lacking in closure (cremation too fast and I was too stunned) and I really want somewhere where I can go to remember her. (he lives 4 hours away and I'm my mum's only child).. I know some people don't ever visit plaques, graves etc but personally I think I'd get a lot from the ritual of being able to connect with her in a place. Even if just by the act of going there I have created space in the week/month to think solely about her and take flowers.

I am contemplating about either asking him for some of her ashes and burying them somewhere near me locally or seeing if I can arrange a little memorial plaque or something in a local cemetry or something.

How would I go about this? Is this possible do you think? any similar experiences.

GooberIsLockedInTheBootOfMyCar Wed 21-Oct-09 19:50:05

Sorry about your mum. sad

I had a star named after my mum, who died last year.

luciemule Wed 21-Oct-09 19:54:03

I would ask your mum's partner for some of the ashes. You would probably feel better if you were visiting the ashes, rather than simply a plaque with no ashes. I think it will make a really big difference to you to visit a place where ashes are buried/scattered than somewhere your mother has never been.

If the sharing of ashes isn't possible, could you not go somewhere that you and your mum enjoyed visiting and release a balloon perhaps?

GooberIsLockedInTheBootOfMyCar Wed 21-Oct-09 19:57:19

My brothers, sister, stepdad and I contemplated splitting the ashes for a memorial at her home and memorial at the church. We decided against it in the end as we felt that she must remain complete/ in one place. You wouldn't split up her body if she wasn't cremated.

Besom Wed 21-Oct-09 19:58:08

Sorry for your loss cookiemonstress.

I haven't done this but I would try phoning up your local crematorium and they should be able to advise you about plaques etc. (Your local council switchboard should be able to give you the number).

I do like the idea of the star.

Uriel Wed 21-Oct-09 20:07:30

You could perhaps use a little corner of your garden to remember your mum? Plant it with her favourite flowers, have a seat, maybe a fountain/sundial. Just a quiet space so you could sit and think about her.

PinkyRed Wed 21-Oct-09 20:13:48

You could pay to have some trees planted in her memory, and then you could go and visit the woods. The Woodland Trust does this - we did this for our wedding and dd's christening.

GooberIsLockedInTheBootOfMyCar Wed 21-Oct-09 20:14:21

A silly thing:

My mum was very big on gardenning, she had a pair of disgusting, caked in mud, worn out shoes which were her gardenning shoes. She wouldn't throw them away, or replace them as they were perfect to her.

When she died we buried those shoes in her garden with a cross to mark the spot. It is fitting.

Is there anything that was precious to her, however silly it may seem?

piscesmoon Wed 21-Oct-09 20:22:27

I think that a place in your own garden is best-if you have room. We recently took a shed down and made the base into a little patio area,it isn't in memory of anyone but it would be a perfect spot because everything had to be new.

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