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have lost my first born son,he was stillborn at 33wks

(74 Posts)
shelly24 Sun 12-Jun-05 21:33:40

Hello everyone,
I'm new to this message board,i'm looking to chat with anyone who has recently lost a baby through being stillborn or who knows what its like from past experience.I'm 24 and lost my first born son Rhys to a liver complication and a condition called hydrops fetalis at 33wks.I've never felt pain so intense and am really having up and down days right now It would be nice to talk with others that have been through this too,I have a really supportive husband,but it would just be nice to hear from some women too.
thanx,hope 2 hear from someone,shelly24.x.x

charleepeters Sun 12-Jun-05 21:34:44

Oh Shelly im so sorry, i dont know whta to say as i cannot begin to know how it feels but im here for you if you need a chat

Hausfrau Sun 12-Jun-05 21:35:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy Sun 12-Jun-05 21:35:38

Beccles Sun 12-Jun-05 21:35:50

Message withdrawn

starlover Sun 12-Jun-05 21:36:17

hi shelly, i haven't lost a baby myself, but just wanted to post and let you know that you;'ll get a heck of a lot of support here.

I'm so sorry that you lost little Rhys. I am sure your little angel is looking down on you now.

Heathcliffscathy Sun 12-Jun-05 21:37:38

shelly, you're in the right place. i'm so very sorry for your loss, and i'm sure that you will get much needed support here.

Heathcliffscathy Sun 12-Jun-05 21:37:38

shelly, you're in the right place. i'm so very sorry for your loss, and i'm sure that you will get much needed support here.

vickiyumyum Sun 12-Jun-05 21:38:03

Hi, welcome to mumsnet. i'm sure that you will find someone to talk to soon as this has been a subject on mn before.
my heart goes out to you and anyone else that has been through a loss.

beansontoast Sun 12-Jun-05 21:39:29

i cant get any where near imagining how that must hurt
just want to send lots of love and best wishes to you and your family...

Frizbe Sun 12-Jun-05 21:39:49


shelly24 Sun 12-Jun-05 22:00:05

God,just reading your replies has started me off!Thank you SO much for showing your support.x just hearing people show their sympathy is lovely.
I've made alittle keepsake box for Rhys,its got his birth tags in,some pictures that the midwife took of him(one is next to my bed ),his footprints,all the cards we were sent,2 roses from his funeral,a poem i wrote for him(which i'd like to post on this msge board some time,didn't know whether to or not though?(blush) )His illness came as abit of a shock as we sort of stumbled on it by accident,i noticed that i was really getting big around 29/30 wks and went to my midwife about it,I was 30wks and carrying like i was 36 wks!!So was sent for all types of tests and scans.I was told initally that Rhys had a heart condition and he would need open heart surgery at 2 wks old!we were devastated,then went for more tests and found it wasn't heart condition it was the liver and hydrops,and that there was a 90% chance he wouldn't survive!We were speechless,nothing had been detected at the usual 20wks scan,and unless i hadn't mentioned it to the midwife none of this would have been detected!

womba1 Sun 12-Jun-05 22:02:26

Hello Shelly.. i lost my first born son James at 30 weeks, several years ago. They found no reason for his death and i remember so clearly the intense pain you speak of. The pain will get easier to deal with Shelly. It never goes away but becomes bearable and you will be able to think about Rhys without such a sad heavy heart. You will smile at the thought of him kicking a football,putting his arms up to you for a cuddle, blowing you kisses.. you probably can't see it right now, but trust me.
Please feel free to email me or CAT me at anytime Shelly if you want to just chat, or rant, cry or whatever... i'm here.
Thinking of you,
Womba x

Evesmama Sun 12-Jun-05 22:04:37

dont know what to say honey...and realy cant begin to imagine how you must be feeling
but im here and willing to chat if you need an ear?
there are others with similar experiences on here, they may be of more help to you though..

good luck honey, sending you a great big bear hug.x

spacecadet Sun 12-Jun-05 22:06:09

my first child sam was still born at 26 weeks 15 years ago, i still grieve for him now, im so sorry to hear about your little boy, im amazed they didnt pick his condition up at 20 weeks, so, so sorry

nikcola Sun 12-Jun-05 22:06:54

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} hugs for you hun x

starlover Sun 12-Jun-05 22:07:05

shelly wow, your keepsake box sounds really lovely!

As others have already said, there are a few people on here who have also lost babies late in pregnancy, or at term... and it is just so terribly sad. But I know they have said that it is nice to be able to talk about their babies... so please feel free to tell us about Rhys if you want to.

Aero Sun 12-Jun-05 22:08:02

I'm so sorry for your loss Shelly - can't begin to imagine the pain. I'm sure you'll find lots of support here and there are a few mners who have been through similar loss too who I'm sure will be able to understand how you are feeling. No words of mine can make things any better for you, but hopefully you'll at least feel and know that others do care. {{{{{{0}}}}}s

shelly24 Sun 12-Jun-05 22:13:02

Thanx womba.x ,you've made me cry with those visions(in a good way.x),You can't help but think 'why me?!',I'm a nursery nurse too,and work in a baby unit for a living!Am off work at the moment as this only happened to me 4wks ago,but am not sure about returning to my job right now,am very confused.And its not till it happens to you that people around you start to open up and tell you of similar experiences,so many people I know have either had a miscarriage or stillborn,I couldn't believe it!.You feel its just you at the beginning and that nobody could possibly know what it feels like,but people out there do,and its a great comfort.x

moondog Sun 12-Jun-05 22:17:47

Shelly, I'm so so sorry.
As mothers we can all grieve for any baby that one of us has lost in a way that anyone who isn't a mother couldn't.

Tell us all about Rhys and please post your poem.
I would love to read it.


shelly24 Sun 12-Jun-05 22:22:51

Apparently it would't have been detectable at 20wks?(this i'm not so sure of,i just put it down to the hospital,as their equipment wasn't the best)And when its your first pregnancy you tend to just go with whatever the docs or midwives tell you.My partner and i based our whole future around little Rhys,we weren't yet married then as we had originally planned it for may of this year,Rhys would have been due on 1st july this year,so we moved the wedding to january(it was lovely-dress JUST fitted!)Rhys was born on the 14th may at 12.06pm,...the 14th was the original date for our wedding!how weird is that!!.xx

shelly24 Sun 12-Jun-05 22:39:39

My poem for Rhys: Born an angel:
Being pregnant with you Rhys,was an honour nad a joy,
Feeling you everyday,my precious little boy,
I bloomed and I flourished,so proud to show the world,
Until the day my world ended,you'd passed away we were told,
A whirl of mixed emotions,our hopes and dreams had gone,
You'd been taken far too early,where had we gone so wrong?
We finally get to see you,so precious and so small,
Born an angel you did arrive,and so inlove with you we did fall,
The angels for you are calling,soon it will be time to part,
holding tight to all your memories,that seal firmly to our hearts,
I had never thought at my young,24 years,
I would be burring my own child,crying a million tears,
But to a better place you will go,and alone you'll never be,
As nanny Denyer waits for you,and you'll both look down on me,
Is life trying to test my strenght?,as my tears tear me apart?,
No life is just for living,and from here on we shall start,
Our love for you is endless,our memories will never fade,
Our precious little boy,a big part in our lives you've played,
Each day we will think of you,each night whisper'goodnight',
Mummy and daddy love you very much,please know we'll be alright,
The time has come to grieve,and let you rest in peace,
Born to us a perfect angel,our precious little Rhys.....
(Nanny Denyer is my mum..she died of cancer when i was 18.x)

Yorkiegirl Sun 12-Jun-05 22:44:22

Message withdrawn

bron42 Sun 12-Jun-05 22:50:18

Thank you for letting me read your poem. I have always believed that our lives are mapped out and what happenes to us, good or bad, is for a reason but at the moment I cannot understand why this should happen to you or anyone else around us.
Keep well.

moondog Sun 12-Jun-05 22:52:29

Shelly,it's so poignant and sums up the terrible pain you must be feeling....Wish I could give you a big hug.

I have talked a bit with Jangus on here,her little girl,Lilli-Mae was stillborn at full term?
I am sure that the two of you would be a great comfort to each other.

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