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lost my gran yesterday, live far away, what do I say to DD 4.5

(4 Posts)
mamaloco Sat 17-Oct-09 14:44:26

A bit of advice,
My grand mother died yesterday at the grand age of 98, it is sad but understandable. We do live far away and saw her last time in august, so my daughter do remember her and knows who she is. I won't make it in time for funerals. My husband is also away till monday. What do I say to my daughter 4.5? Do I wait till my husband is back?

lljkk Sat 17-Oct-09 18:17:00

No need to say anything right away, wait (even if it's weeks from now) until the right words come to you, I suggest.

With mine it might be something like
"Do you remember your Great-grandma? I had some news that she died. I feel very sad about it."

And then let their questions lead the way on what else to say.

EnidsOTHERBretonTop Sat 17-Oct-09 18:26:37

BreeVanDerCampLGJ used to always post this,

I miss LGJ.


Waterbugs and Dragonflies
Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

'Look!' said one of the water bugs to another, 'One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you suppose she is going?' Up, up, up it went slowly. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return. 'That's funny!' said one water bug to another. 'Wasn't she happy here?' asked a second water bug. 'Were do you suppose she went?' wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs, the leader of the colony, gathered its friends together. 'I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where she went and why.' 'We promise', they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water, and had fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings. The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly.

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by, the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chancd to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs!. There they were, scurrying about, just as he had been doing some time before. Then the dragonfly remembered his promise: 'The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why'.

Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly he could no longer go into the water. 'I can't return!' he said in dismay. 'At least I tried, but I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what happened to me, and where I went'.

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.

nevertoomanyshoes Mon 19-Oct-09 19:38:21

I know how you feel my Dad died that week and my little boy was very attached to him. We were all in shock but I had to speak to my little boy because I knew he'd wonder why we were so sad. I told him honestly that Grandad had gone to be with the angels and that he wouldn't see him again- I felt it was very important that he understand this- and kept it simple. After the funeral we took flowers and told him that this is where we come to remember Grandad (there was no need to burden a 4 year old with too much detail as I'm certain he wouldn't have understood).

He likes having photos around and knows that he can talk about him with us even if it sometimes upsets us as this is a normal part of saying goodbye.

Hope this helps!

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