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What would be a good thing to do for someone who's just had a stillbirth?

(15 Posts)
MonstrousMerryHenry Sat 17-Oct-09 13:48:44

Hope this thread's not a duplicate; I tried starting this once but it doesn't seem to have worked. Apols if it's already up in Active Convos.

A former colleague of mine has just announced that her baby died before it was born. This news has made me so sad, and I would love to be able to do something to show my support and care.

We don't know each other extremely well, but fairly well - and she is absolutely lovely. Besides sending flowers I would love to do something else for her and her husband.

However, I'm pregnant at the moment and think it's best if I don't turn up in person so as not to rub things in for them.

Any long-distance ideas much appreciated. TIA.

FluffyPumpkins Sat 17-Oct-09 14:06:46

Maybe just say that on a card with the flowers and if anything they can let you know.

MonstrousMerryHenry Sat 17-Oct-09 14:19:07

I know - I tend to prefer to offer something specific rather than making a general open offer, so was looking for inspiration.

redsofas Sat 17-Oct-09 14:22:50

sorry for your friend.

I dont really think theres anything you can do except be there to listen if she needs you.

grin Sat 17-Oct-09 14:30:39

How about planting a tree in Baby's honour?

theghastlyspectreoflissielou Sat 17-Oct-09 14:42:12

how about, instead of sending flowers sending a plant? I have a rose bush tpo commemorate my lost beans and find it very reassuring.

it is a very tough situation and Im sure they will appreciate a gesture from you x

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween Sat 17-Oct-09 14:46:36

I wouldn't send flowers. Maybe plant a tree as a memorial where you get a "tree twist" as a physical reminder of the tree.

LunaticFringe Sat 17-Oct-09 19:46:43

Message withdrawn

MonstrousMerryHenry Sun 18-Oct-09 19:19:02

Lovely suggestions, thanks everyone. I like the idea of sending a plant, and the beauty treatment voucher. Think I'll do a combination of the two.

tinkerbellesmuse Mon 19-Oct-09 04:22:17

Really, anything you do will be appreciated. But most importantly pick up the phone and call her. If she doesn't want to speak she will not answer/make her excuses.

The hardest thing for me when DS was stillborn was when friends didn't call. Without exception in the following weeks they all said they tought I wanted to be left alone. I did , but I also needed to know people were there and tinking of me.

Some close friends bought a tree in rememberence of DS it is planted in a NT wood in Devon where we can visit.

SofiaAmes Mon 19-Oct-09 04:30:11

My dd's teacher had a miscarriage at 4 months and I organized a basket of gourmet comfort food to be delivered to her. She seemed to really appreciate it. (Of course organizing a gift basket of gourmet comfort food is easy in Los Angeles...don't know about where you are)

doubleexpresso Mon 19-Oct-09 09:46:10

We planted a climbing rose bush in our garden for a friend's stillborn child. We told them about it and refer to it as P's rose. They said it gave them comfort. It made us feel as if he was still living in a strange way.

MonstrousMerryHenry Fri 23-Oct-09 15:23:36

Sofia, that's such a lovely thing to do.

Anya4 Fri 23-Oct-09 19:47:48

We lost a newborn daughter four years ago - the Christmas afterwards someone we didn't know very well dedicated a light on the town's Christmas tree to her - we heard about it when we got the card from whichever charity was organising it.
It was such a simple thing but to know that this person was remembering our precious baby, even a few months on, meant the world to us.

I'd say be particularly sensitive to her because of your pregnancy - it always helped me when friends acknowledged that their pregnancies might be causing me pain. That way I was able to say it was difficult, but also able to genuinely care for them and their child too.

MonstrousMerryHenry Fri 23-Oct-09 23:33:06

So sorry to hear about your daughter, Anya.

The Xmas light is such a lovely idea, and you've inspired me to come up with an idea of my own which I think will be very meaningful.

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