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OMG How horrible do I feel?

(3 Posts)
OMGHowAwfulAmI Fri 16-Oct-09 23:53:27

I have name changed because I am so embarrassed and ashamed of myself!

I have had problems with my ds on and off since he was around 4 but things got really bad when he was 5 1/2. Now he is 11 and things can be out of control between us, i don't mean violence I mean verbally.

Anyway today I was talking to someone about a VERY big thing happened which affected us both.

Basically my dad was taken ill and after 3 months died.

BUT this is the part that I have now realised what a horrible person I am!

A week before my dad died, i collected him and took him home for the afternoon. DS was playing with my nephew who was then 3 and started tantruming over a pencil....Because dad had spent the best part of 3 months in hospital I had to pick ds up and go home....the following Saturday he died...I never got to spend another moment with him outside of hospital again.

I have realised today that I have been harbouring up the hurt i felt that day...

and yes I am unreasonable for having done this and I am horrible for letting it fester in me.....

I have posted this here and in parenting for advice from both.

mother3 Sat 17-Oct-09 10:51:23

dont beat ur self up about your dad.i am also harbouring hurt for my great uncle did visit him once a week took shopping to him once a month lots of iceland shopping all special offers etc. then on 1 of our visits he didnt answer the door had to break in but he was dead from a heart attack.he was 87 but he had gone deaf so he didnt always hear us at the door.thats why we had keys 2 his house.we always shouted out to him its us as he would have been so scared if it was any 1 just coming in.

Besom Sat 17-Oct-09 11:05:23

Both anger and guilt are normal, natural responses to bereavement. But some of us get a bit stuck and end up carrying these emotions around for years, and it can affect your life and your relationships as you are describing. You are not a terrible person, you have just been through a terrible experience and understandably found it difficult.

I have had bereavement counselling to deal with deep feelings of guilt about my mum's death. (Everyone else told me I was the model daughter who went out of my way to care for her but I didn't believe them). I would recommend it to you.

I hope someone can give you some useful parenting advice as well. Best wishes.

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