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Should I take an almost 3yo to a cremation?

(3 Posts)
kwaker5 Sun 11-Oct-09 19:38:30

The title says it all really.

My dad's sister's cremation is next week (she was in her 70's). I didn't know her very well and she and her husband have no children. I did travel with DH and DD (5 months) to see her in hospital the day before she died, which I found quite hard even though we were not that close. We are on holiday in the UK on the day of the cremation so it will mean me, DH, DS (almost 3) and DD (5 months) all going.

I am not sure how many people will be at the cremation. It will be very short/basic as there is going to be a memorial service at some point (which we won't go to). There might even only be her husband, us, my parents and my brother, I really don't know.

I said to DH tonight that I thought it might be better if he kept DS occupied outside the crematorium. He is very talkative and does get hyper when stressed. There is absolutely no way he would sit still and be quiet for 2 minutes let alone 20. My husband was quite surprised by this and didn't seem to think it would be a problem. I just don't think it's a good idea though.

WobblyPig Sun 11-Oct-09 19:42:38

I wouldn't. I have been in a similar circumstance recently. DS almost 3 - his great-grandmothers funeral and wake. Chose not too - he wouldn't benefit and may play up. Felt some people would consider it disrespcetful I did however take DD 4 months - because breastfeeding but also because I knew she would be good - she generally is.

theyoungvisiter Sun 11-Oct-09 19:47:04

I have taken DS1 to both his great-grandmothers' cremations, and to his great-uncle's funeral.

He was about 6 months, 1 year and 2 years.

Each time my DH and I had an agreement over who would take him out if necessary, we sat on the end and the second he started making noise one of us took him out. In the event he was fine at the 1st and 3rd funeral and had to be taken out of the 2nd as was singing a bit too loudly.

I would take him and just see how it goes - children are usually a great relief at these things, and older relatives love to see them, even if they aren't there for the whole service.

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