Dear family and friends

(54 Posts)
travellingwilbury Tue 06-Oct-09 14:28:11

I have wanted to say this to you in person but I know I can't so I am doing it this way instead .

I need you all to know that just because I am no longer curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor it doesn't mean the pain has gone away , I know I look and act ok most of the time but that doesn't mean I have forgotten . You will not remind me if you mention his name , there is barely an hour goes by that he is not in my thoughts .

I know you all hurt sometimes too and yes it is ok to tell me and talk to me about it . Who better to understand your feelings than me ?

I want to talk about him and like the fact that people remember him , I need you to tell me that you care , your silence is devastating to me , do not change the subject if I have been brave enough to mention him .

You may not be able to handle it and choose to push it to the back of your mind . I don't have that luxury and wouldn't take that choice even if it was offered to me .

He was here , he was my son , your nephew , your grand son , your god son , He was Harry and I give a shit that he seems to have been wiped from your memory .

So please next time you think of him , let me know
Next time you see something that reminds you of him just casually mention it
Every now and then ask me how I am doing and actually listen to the answer .

You have no idea how much it would mean .

You are all good people and are capable of doing this .


OP’s posts: |
kormaAAAARRRRGGHHchameleon Tue 06-Oct-09 14:29:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilRedWG Tue 06-Oct-09 14:30:59

Oh, TW. (((hugs)))

StrawberriesandCherries Tue 06-Oct-09 14:32:21

TW - that is beautifully written. Sorry that I do not know your situation, but Harry is obviously so loved and to tell people to talk about him is a wonderful idea xx

LauraIngallsWilder Tue 06-Oct-09 14:34:16


Did you write that - tis very good!
Im sorry that you are in a situation that caused you to write it - but it is very good nonetheless

Cometrickortreatingwithme Tue 06-Oct-09 14:34:20

In exactly the same situation as you TW ((hugs)).

DamonBradleylovesPippi Tue 06-Oct-09 14:36:31

TW sad. Hugs from here as well.

And thanks for teaching me something I already knew but cowardly chose to forget sometimes. I will make sure I'll apply what you said with those near me.

rosieposey Tue 06-Oct-09 14:37:48

What a wonderful way of reminding people to keep his memory alive, sometimes people don't forget but they just feel awkward for fear of upsetting you - now everyone will know to talk freely about him and you will be able to remember him not only through your own thoughts and memories but everyone else's. I know you don't have any choice in your situation but i think you are very very brave and i am so sorry for you loss, i really am.

Mung Tue 06-Oct-09 14:38:04

I hope you manage to send this to the people you are aiming it at and that they take it in. It is wonderfully written.

travellingwilbury Tue 06-Oct-09 14:41:09

Thank you all of you , LIW yes I did write it blush . It is his 9th birthday tomorrow so I am feeling a bit raw and shitty . He was 14mths old when he died .

Cometrickortreating I am so sorry you feel the same .

OP’s posts: |
Lilyloooohhhh Tue 06-Oct-09 14:43:26

Could you do something to celebrate his birthday tom and invite your family ? Giving them the letter with the invite ?

LauraIngallsWilder Tue 06-Oct-09 14:49:46

So so sorry for your loss TW

Are you going to give a copy to all your family and friends?

Hulababy Tue 06-Oct-09 14:52:45

I hope your friends and family read this letter and act upon it, and help you to remember Harry and how he is a part of your family, now and always.

I hope you can remember him in peace tomorrow on his birthday.

everlong Tue 06-Oct-09 14:53:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

travellingwilbury Tue 06-Oct-09 14:53:51

No I won't give them a copy , tbh I have spoken to them before about it and it was a horrible painful thing to have to do and it made no difference what so ever . They said all the right things at the time and then went back to ignoring .

So for now I will just vent on here instead I think .

I wish I could do it and they would change but after all this time I think if they were going to change they would have .

Some are wonderful by the way but others are truly shite .

And I did mean it when I said they were good people ,they all are but they just can't do this .

OP’s posts: |
Doyouthinktheysaurus Tue 06-Oct-09 14:54:34


Thinking of you. I hope you feel able to share the sentiment if not the letter with your family.

You'v bought a tear to my eye.

Cometrickortreatingwithme Tue 06-Oct-09 15:09:48

TW hope you have a peaceful day tomorrow. It would have been DD's 11th birthday in November and nobody ever mentions her not even my Mum who takes flowers up to dd's garden every week it is as though she was never here sometimes.

travellingwilbury Tue 06-Oct-09 15:43:14

I am so sorry Cometrickortreating , have you come across the bereaved mums thread on here ? They are all so lovely and I would love to talk to you about your dd if you feel up to it ?

OP’s posts: |
WailingGhoshe Tue 06-Oct-09 16:00:20

It would have been my DS2's 30th Birthday on 28th October, and DD's 18th on the 10th December.

I am divorced from their Fathers and have no contact, ExH 1 was abusive and I have no wish for any contact. ExH2 I do see occasionally, but DD is never mentioned.

My Dad, who lost my elder brother at 9 months, never mentions them although does talk about my brother.

My Mom, who always remembered them had sadly gone to, 19 years ago.

DS1 was only a baby himself when DS" died, and only 13 when DD died.

I married DH a longtime after, so he never knew either child.

It does seem at times that I am the only person, who they mean anything to.

ThePrettiestStar Tue 06-Oct-09 16:04:22

Hi TW,

Just sending you my best wishes, my DD died three years ago aged just over two.

I'm not sure why people don't mention her very much. Only really my sister, a lot of people get embarrassed even if I mention how my subsequent children are like her in some way.

It's so sad that you have to feel this way.

ThePrettiestStar Tue 06-Oct-09 16:07:36

Oh and I completely echo your sentiments, they are beautifully worded xx

travellingwilbury Tue 06-Oct-09 17:13:00

Thank you , and I am really sorry to hear about your daughter TPS , I am feeling better for getting it out tbh .

I hate this time of year .

Wailing that is awful , I am so sorry you are going through all that .

OP’s posts: |
evansmummy Tue 06-Oct-09 18:33:57

TW, big hug for you. I know how it feels to have people seemingly ignore your pain, or step round it in the hope that if they don't mention it, it'll go away. My brother died 16 months ago.

Am touched to have been able to read your message, and will keep Harry's memory alive with you xx

Lilyloooohhhh Tue 06-Oct-09 20:48:05

Hope you can celebrate Harry's birthday tom , it must be hard thinking about what you would have been doing....
It is easy to say all the right things doing them is another thing sad

ILikeToQuickstepItTangoIt Tue 06-Oct-09 22:23:33

Beautiful TW. It took my breath away and I was thinking "yes, yes, yes" in total agreement sad

Thinking of you all and sending you light and love xxx

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