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Lost my Dad 2 yrs ago today and I'm struggling.

(13 Posts)
shootfromthehip Mon 05-Oct-09 14:31:24

I lost my lovely, lovely, flawed Dad two yrs ago today. I was at the grave yesterday and it was lovely but he wasn't 'about' (forgive me but sometimes I feel like he is there).

Lots has changed in the past 2 yrs and our family hasn't done very well and it's been hard. I felt the grief bubble up yesterday and I was scared stiff that it was going to overwhelm me.

I just feel that I had to be all things to all people when he died and I'm not sure if I really got my grief out. I don't know if other people feel like this but I'm so emotional today and don't want to let go incase I lose it.

Sorry, I know others are having terrible experiences but I haven't got anyone to really talk to that doesn't have an angle on it, eg, competitive grief. It's hard to let it out when people don't understand or are grieving themselves.

I just miss him so much sad

Deemented Mon 05-Oct-09 14:39:34

Oh you're bound to miss him love - from what you've written, it seems like he was a huge part of your life, and it's very obvious that you loved him a great deal.

Yunno, it is ok to let go sometimes.... sometimes you just need to and you might feel lots better if you do.

Thinking of you x

shootfromthehip Mon 05-Oct-09 14:54:10

Thanks dee- felt a bit stupid as I'm always so on top of it but am feeling the huge hole he left behind today more than usual. Thanks again x

Deemented Mon 05-Oct-09 15:01:14

Don't feel stupid at all - i lost my mum nearly a year ago, and although we weren't all that close, i often find myself wishing i could tell her about what the kids have been up to, or what i've been doing of late. You miss him - he was your dad. No shame in that at all love x

LilRedWG Mon 05-Oct-09 15:04:53

You are going to miss him, he's your Dad, so please do not feel at all stupid.

You should let your feelings out sometimes or they will overwhelm you. Whenever you need to unburden just some on here - there is always someone around to chat to if you need to. x

Deemented Tue 06-Oct-09 07:03:04

Hope you're feeling a bit brighter today, shootfromthehip

mumoverseas Tue 06-Oct-09 08:33:21

Hope you are ok today. I know how awful it is, the anniversary of dad's death is in a couple of weeks and I can't even go to his grave as I'm away. Its also only a few months since I lost mum and I'm dreading the next few months, the first Christmas without her, birthday etc.

Grief comes and goes and there will always be things that remind you of him in a happy way which will make you smile and other times, ie anniversarys that make you sad.

Hugs to you xxx

shootfromthehip Tue 06-Oct-09 13:41:37

Thanks folks- yesterday was utterly rubbish but today has been considerably better. He died just before his birthday and that's on Thursday so I know that will be hard too. And the muppet that I am I have my first driving test on Thursday as well, as if I didn't have enough emotion.

Anyway, the grief seems to mock me- it edges up and then runs away. At other times it just whacks me in the face and I feel as though I'm on the edge of an abyss. It's one of those horrible experience that teaches you so much about yourself and others but it's not all good. It's become evident that people think that I should either be 'over' it or I should be dealing with it myself. And for those reasons I very rarely mention him. Ideally I would be able to be able to share it with my Mum or DH but as I said earlier, Mum is too wrapped up in what she percieves to be 'her' grief and my DH tries but doesn't really understand.

It's tough.

Thanks again for the responses- it really does mean a lot!

Deemented Tue 06-Oct-09 13:45:02

Have you thought about seeing someone from Cruse bereavement care, perhaps? Sometimes, having someone to talk to, who's not directly involved can be a great help.

SquirrelTrap Tue 06-Oct-09 13:56:56

I don't think you ever get over it. I don't ever expect to feel nothing about my dad not being here because that is what "getting over it" means. I imagine I will miss him every day, even when I am 70. And that is just because I loved him so much. But that doesn't mean that I can't continue my life. I just have to accept this grief is now part of me too.

I am thankful that he was my dad and I had a good one. But I (mostly) quietly miss him a lot.

Sounds like you had a noisy grief day. Hope Thursday goes ok. Good luck with the driving test !

LilRedWG Tue 06-Oct-09 17:10:28

I second Deemented's recommendation. I had my first session of bereavement counselling on Monday following the loss of my parents earlier this year. It was unbelieveably hard, but also very good. I think it is going to help me enormously to have someone without an emotional investment to talk to.

mumofsatan Wed 07-Oct-09 07:05:31

Think counselling might be a good idea for me, good suggestion Dee.

LilRed glad you went along and it was helpful for you. I'm starting to think I could do with some counselling but I'm not going to be able to get any where I'm living sad Really hope it helps you xxx <in disguise with my halloween name but you know me> grin

shootfromthehip, hope tomorrow isn't too painful for you. I'm dreading christmas, the first one without mum and also my birthday (boxing day) which was the last time I ever saw her. Also, the anniversary of dad's death is in a few weeks. The next few months will be shite sad

LilRedWG Wed 07-Oct-09 10:46:40

mumofsatan - email me if you want/need to chat lilredwg@googlemail.com

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