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Bereavement

Do you know what, I am so angry and hurt, I cant deal with it

100 replies

TrinityRhino · 30/09/2009 00:54

it feels like I cant breath
it so fucking wrong
more wrong than anything

why

what the fuck did I do

and I cant make it better ever
ever

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cathcat · 30/09/2009 01:03

Trinity I'm so sorry.
It is nothing you did. Something very crap happened and there is nothing that could have averted it.
It will never be the same but it won't always be this bad.

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LadyGlencoraPalliser · 30/09/2009 01:04

Oh Trinity. I don't know what to say. It's so awful and unfair. I am so sad for you.

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WouldntTouchThemWithYours · 30/09/2009 01:05

Trinity - just spotted this in unanswered threads and couldn't not post.

I wish there was something that I could say to make you feel better

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solo · 30/09/2009 01:06

I am so, so sad for you TR. I really can't imagine what you are going through.

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cathcat · 30/09/2009 01:08

This phoneline is open until 2am if you need to call someone breathing space

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PandaEis · 30/09/2009 01:11

trinity i know you dont know me but... im so sorry this has happened to you and your family

you have done nothing to deserve this

i know this is no consolation and it wont make it better but this anger is all part of the grieving process and this feeling will lessen as you move through the grief.

let it all out scream and cry and smash plates (it helped my GMIL when her DH passed suddenly- something to do with a release) if needs be

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cathcat · 30/09/2009 01:15

TR are you still there? I'm sorry I have to log off. Please try to get some rest and look after yourself.

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TrinityRhino · 30/09/2009 01:27

I've smashed plates
and glasses

it helped for a few minutes

its more shit than anything could ever
be

I've had to devestate my children

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TrinityRhino · 30/09/2009 01:31

he knew me
completely

hes forever gone
I cant deal with that
it cant happen

its not right

I need him
I want him
I need him

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WouldntTouchThemWithYours · 30/09/2009 01:36

You have had the most awful unimaginable thing happen to your family, and I am very sorry that you're having to go through this.

Are you still getting lots of help and support from people in RL?

Can I do anything at all to help this evening?

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TrinityRhino · 30/09/2009 01:38

yes still getting lots of help
dont think you can do anything but thankyou for the offer

I'm sorry to whinge

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WouldntTouchThemWithYours · 30/09/2009 01:42

Don't be daft - you're most certainly not whinging!

You have every right to be upset and angry. If it helps to get it out on here that can only be a positive imo.

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WouldntTouchThemWithYours · 30/09/2009 02:01

I'm off to bed now. Hope that you manage to get some rest Trinity.

I'll leave you with a very un-MN ((hug))

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ClaudiaSchiffer · 30/09/2009 03:31

Hi Trinity, you don't know me either but if you want a late night chat, I'm in Oz so am around.

xx

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stuffitllllama · 30/09/2009 04:06

Hi Trinity I am here too at unusual times and I am so sorry for your devastating loss. The anger must be so natural and inevitable. I wish you could say more about him, he sounds lovely. It must be so dreadful, the pain of feeling that way, but the pain means you loved him and he loved you so much, so you can't wish away the pain. It is terrible, I feel for you very much.

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Jacksmama · 30/09/2009 06:00

If you're still on (or on again) and need an ear I'm here too.
I'm so very, very sorry.

(((((((((((((((((((((((YOU)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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WhatSheSaid · 30/09/2009 06:25

Trinity - I've read your threads but haven't posted before. I lost my mum in a car crash and I know it's a horrible horrible way to lose someone.

It's sudden and violent and even though I knew it was instant the thought of it happening to someone I loved so much is still almost unbearable for me to think about.

Yes, it's unfair and wrong and there's no logic or reason to it and after something like this happens you feel there is nothing in the world you can be sure of anymore.

It will get better, I promise you that, but it takes a long long time and you need to keep talking/posting about it and get all the help you can in the mean time.

To be honest, I don't think I'm the same person I was before it happened and I don't think I ever will be. It changes you as a person and you don't ever get over it but you do get used to it.

And it's so much harder for you because it's your husband, not your mum. I'm so sorry. Please keep posting

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chimchar · 30/09/2009 06:35

oh trinity...

please don't apologise for talking on here...you have absolutley every right
and more.

you have the right to be angry and beyond. you have been served a huge HUGE wrong that no one can ever make better and you need to be able to shout and rant about it whenever you need or want to.

i lost my mum very suddenly and unexpectedly in july. it has devastated me and now, nearly 3 months on, i'm plodding along. i cannot begin to imagine how horrific it must be to lose your partner..your soul mate.

take things hour by hour, day by day. do what you have to do to get by...

even though we have never "spoken" on mn, i have thought about you and your children often since that first post about your dh...

keep talking. x

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cikecaka · 30/09/2009 06:43

Trinity, another who you dont know, I cant imagine what you are going through, it is so wrong and can only imagine if it happened to me that what you described is how I would feel.

All your friends at MN are here for you, you probably can say on here what you cant say IRL, keep talking, nobody minds listening

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chapstickchick · 30/09/2009 06:51

Trinity I lost my mum 23 years ago- you learn to live with it -you wont always feel as angry,this is one of those stupid stages of grief you hear professionals talk about.

Each day brings a new emotion and it really messes with your head.

you have done nothing wrong,this is one jaw droppingly pile of shit that life dropped on you.

A lady I know who lost someone precious told me she wished she could have an accident in fact shed prayed for it,when I asked her if she too wanted to die? she replied yes but i have other people here i need to be here for,i wish i could just be in a accident and lose my memory .

Yet another lady I speak too who lost someone a while ago is petrified of old age and senility because she will lose what memories she has of the only man she loved.

Its a cliche but the only thing that can help you is time.

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onlyjoking9329 · 30/09/2009 22:45

Hello Trinity, i think of you all often, i do understand a bit about how you are feeling.
you will go throu every emotion every day and sometimes even within the hour.
Whats happened is horrific and it is not fair or right either.
give me a shout if you think i might be able to help in any way.

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bradsmissus · 30/09/2009 23:04

Another one you don't know but feeling so sad for you aftr reading this. Can't say anything to make it better but didn't want to say nothing. Hugs x

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chimchar · 01/10/2009 06:29

oj, just wanted to say that i think of you and your family often too. hope all is ticking over for you and the kids.

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mumof2teenboys · 01/10/2009 09:08

I don't know you but just want to say I'm thinking of you.

Lots of hugs and thoughts to you and your children xx

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scroobiuspirate · 01/10/2009 09:15

hi trinity.

Don't ever apologise. It's not fair, no. It was a ridiculous, tragic accident. It makes no sense, and it's just not fair.

I'm so sorry.

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