desperate to get pregnant

(8 Posts)
stingray Mon 06-Jun-05 15:08:38

i had a miscarriage in feb, we have tried for three cycles since but no luck.we have other children but this baby was much loved and very planned.i cant seem to calm down about trying for a baby this time,i have convinced myself that i am going to lose another pregnancy,if indeed i ever get pregnant again because i am 42.i keep going over and over the cons of getting pregnant at my age.all i feel inside is over ridden by the fact that i am so very empty inside that i cant bare what im feeling common.

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jangus Mon 06-Jun-05 15:16:05

Stingray, I'm sorry that you have been through so much.
I have no experience of what you are going through now, I just hope that someone comes along soon that can give you a bit a support and advice.

Marina Mon 06-Jun-05 15:36:17

stingray, I am very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I was 39 when I lost a baby at 21 weeks into the pregnancy, and aside from all the physical and psychological difficulties it caused me, I too thought that was IT for us
It is very common to feel both terrified at the thought of getting pregnant again, and desperate to be pregnant again. I know I and many others have felt like this on here and everywhere out there.
Yes, you are 42. Yes there are lots of risks associated with pregnancy that do increase with age. But there are many mums on here, some who have had the heartache of a miscarriage, some who haven't, who have successfully had a baby at 40 plus.
My dd was born, after an intensely anxious pregnancy, when I was 40.
Please don't feel that because you already have living children you are not "allowed" to mourn your baby and the life that should have been.
There is an excellent book by Carol Cirulli Lanham called "Trying Again: Pregnancy after a loss". Check it out on Amazon. It was written for a USA readership so some of the info on antenatal screening and pregnancy management does not apply to the UK and NHS. But the advice on coping with TTCing after a miscarriage or stillbirth is very good.
I'm in a rush so I'm really sorry, I can't do a link to the book.
Please take care.

mrsdarcy Mon 06-Jun-05 21:39:43

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Stingray. From my own experience, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. When I lost my baby at 19 weeks last year I was frantic (but terrified) to become pregnant again.

All the pride and delight at carrying a new life inside you is replaced by the most overwhelming sadness and grief. I remember speaking to a friend who had 2 children, then 3 miscarriages. She said that even whilst the last miscarriage, which was physically the most traumatic, was going on, she knew that she just had to have another baby.

Three cycles isn't so long to be ttc, but I know it must feel like forever.


Frizbe Mon 06-Jun-05 22:04:02

Stingray, sorry to hear of your loss, please come and join us on this thread

bubble99 Wed 08-Jun-05 22:14:42

So sorry stingray. Marina has recommended a really good book. Try and get a copy if you can. Thinking of you. XXXX

cori Wed 08-Jun-05 22:33:07

I and just about everyone else on the miscarriage board know exactly how you feel.
I miscarried in May at 17 weeks, we had been trying for 7 months. I dont want to wait that long again.
I have been doing a little research and apart from eating really really well, abstaining from alcohol and smoking, caffeine is supposed to increase your chances whilst TTC.

Drinking Green Tea is supposed to double your chances of getting pregnant in any cycle.
I have also heard good things about Acupuncture.

There is a TTC after miscarriage thread, we all how you feel. Come and join us there if you want.

stingray Wed 22-Jun-05 13:31:21

dear all thank you for your messages,im sorry that i havent replied sooner but have been on is a wonderful comfort to learn that i am not alone in my feelings.i think sometimes that i am going insane ,there is so much going on inside me and as wonderful as my husband is he just cannot understand how i feel.he tries very hard to empathise but unless you have been through this as a woman i really dont think you can fully appreciate exactly what it does to you.some of the messages on this site are heartbreaking,and i feel that i would give anything to be able to put my arms around them and tell them that in time things will look better.i suppose in a way this site and all you woman out there do that for each other.

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