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Deceased's clothes

(13 Posts)
oneofapair Tue 15-Sep-09 15:13:19

I tried really hard today to start sorting out Caroline's clothes so I could take them to a charity shop some distance from where I live.

I just could't do it. Should I give it a couple of weeks or just try harder? sad

wilbur Tue 15-Sep-09 15:17:36

I would leave it tbh, unless you have to get it clear by a certain date. My sister made me go through my dad's clothes very soon after he died, and I regret not leaving a little longer - I would have liked a bit more time to think about the best place for them, and maybe keep a few more of his ties and so on. I have kept a few bits and pieces of my mum's stuff for dress ups - it's been many years since she died, so I can see dd getting dressed up in her old stuff and smile. Hard to imagine that when they have just gone, I know.

It's horrible though, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

RubyrubyrubyRevel Tue 15-Sep-09 15:20:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lemonylemon Tue 15-Sep-09 15:56:58

I'd leave it. I didn't touch my OH's clothes for quite a while. His bag was left under my bed for months. When I eventually started to sort them out, I went half-measures and put them in bags in the loft (where they still reside 2 years on)....

If there's no pressure to do it, just leave it until you're ready - you'll know when you are.

Deemented Wed 16-Sep-09 07:05:43

I fely i had to do it when DH died as my 3 year old DS was really confused - he kept asking things such as 'If Daddy can never come back, why are all his clothes still here waiting for him?', so hard as it was, i had to moved them. I kept a few items that are special to me, but most things went to the charity shop.

nickschick Wed 16-Sep-09 07:20:14

When my mum died (I was 11) my stepfather gave all her clothes away to neighbours....I ran after 1 woman wearing my mums best 'lorraine Chase' skirt and jacket because I really thought it was my mum sad...thats why its important you choose to donate them further away.

My dh knowing this when his Mum died sad in 1995,quickly boxed all her stuff up and put them in storage - where they still are to this day -14 years later.

nickschick Wed 16-Sep-09 07:22:40

My friend who lost her son almost 2 years ago still cant empty or even go in his room.

In a way for her she would prefer someone to go in and do it -but she wont allow anyone in cos its her last 'thing/place' of his.

I think there mus come a stage where you are 'able' to do it,not wanting to do it but 'could face it'.

hugs xxx

mumoverseas Wed 16-Sep-09 09:04:12

its not easy. If you can leave it, then do so or if it needs doing, please ask a friend to help you.
I lost my mum a few months ago and cleared out most of her things (house has to be sold as already lost dad) during August. It was very difficult but also quite happy at times as certain items of clothing triggered happy memories. I think it is important to keep a few things and just put them away somewhere out of sight just in case you, or your parents want them in the future. Agree with other posters about taking them to a charity shop away from the local area. If there was any particular charity she supported then it would be nice to take her things to them. x

Onlyjoking Wed 16-Sep-09 21:55:52

don't push yourself to do this as once you have given stuff away you can't get it back.
i took all of my DHs stuff out of the wardrobe, i got rid of some stuff but lots i wanted to save for me and for the kids anything i was unsure about i kept, they all went in a bag that still sits under my bed.

bentneckwine1 Sat 19-Sep-09 15:23:02

So sorry for your loss...everybody grieves differently but perhaps better to wait a little longer because once something goes there won't be any way of getting it back again if you change your mind.

My mum died just under two years ago but anyone visiting the house would think she was still alive. My dad has huntington's disease and as a result can only cope with a very strict routine and with things being the way they always have been.

So all of mum's clothes, toiletries, jewellery etc are just where they were on the day she died. To the extent that her handbag still hangs on the door handle of the cupboard and her glasses are on the bedside table.

Although we understand that this is how dad has to have things it does make it difficult/distressing for other people to be in the house. Also dad's illness is progressive and he will not be able to manage to live where he is for much longer...I am dreading the day he has to leave that house because we will have to pack up all him and mum's belongings in one go which I think will be extremely hard.

Cicatrice Thu 15-Oct-09 20:11:10

I did my Dad's clothes almost immediately, but he never cared about clothes and the stuff he was wearing was soft clothing with no zips etc because he had a catheter. There was nothing that reminded me of how he used to be apart from the suit he was buried in.

Clearing the house was much, much harder. I still have several boxes in my MIL's garage. My Grandad never dealt with my Granny's stuff, it was all still there when he died. So my aunt had to do both her parents at once.

mother3 Sat 17-Oct-09 11:11:52

when my poor uncle passed over he was 87 but he had lots of new clothes christmas presents etc.new shoess he didnt wear any of them. but he tended 2 wear his old smelly ones the clothes was took 2 a nunery where they giveclothes and soup kitchens 4 the homeless .some 1 was very happy and had smart clothes on shame my uncle didnt use them his self.still would have been newish bbut it was painfull clearing out his flat.all old photos from his old relatives who i had never met cause i wasnt born when they died.

drivinmecrazy Sat 17-Oct-09 11:19:22

FIL only took labels off stuff as he wore it so when he died MIL took all unused M&S stuff back and got a lovely big credit note to spend on bits for herselfblush

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