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slowly and quietly falling apart....

(9 Posts)
chimchar Fri 04-Sep-09 16:58:26

my mum died very suddenly about 7 weeks ago.

i miss her. i want her back so badly. i'm coping on a day to day basis but suffering from terrible anxiety..its affecting me phsically now too...fuzzy head, dizzyness, spacy, snappy, tingly arms, can't breathe, verging on daily panic attacks etc.

i'm having "bowen therapy" next week...my friend is giving me a freebie three session treatment. i'm really hoping it will help.

most of all i feel that i want to scream and shout. i want to tell people how i feel, but i don't...i'm afraid of breaking down.

i'm covering it all up with my usual "i'm fine...yes, its awful news, but i'm doing well..."

jeeez. i don't know why i'm typing this...i guess many of you here sadly know how i feel...

ineedalifechange Fri 04-Sep-09 17:08:37

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Death is part of life but so so unnatural for us to deal with, one moment someone is there and then they are not - very cruel and unfair indeed.

It's very early days for you. I can't imagine how you're feeling, I'm sorry you are suffering from such bad anxiety.

on a practical level which might not help with your grief right now, have you had counselling - sometimes talking to a complete stranger can help you, you can let it all out.

Or can you get out and be by yourself and do whatever you need, scream, shout, cry, walk, sit, think, write, just be?

You're typing this because you're in a place which is awful, and whilst you wont ever get over it or forget your mum, and no one would want you to, you will slowly be able to deal with the pain.

I'm so sorry for you.

thinking of you.

don't be afraid of breaking down. once you hit the darkest place, all that can come, slowly but surely is light in the way of acceptance and the beautiful memories of your beautiful mum.
x

FlorenceandtheWashingMachine Fri 04-Sep-09 17:13:18

Hi Chimchar,

My mum died around the same time. I am doing okay - a recent holiday helped me to recover from the initial shock I think - but I still can't quite believe that mum isn't here any more and I miss her terribly. However, I have been telling people how I feel if they ask and it has really helped. I've had some really long talks with folk whom I barely knew before who have lost people in similar circumstances and understand how I feel.

This is an awful, shocking thing to have happened to you. Could you see your GP and ask about counselling, so that you can talk with someone who may be able to help you?

Florence

chimchar Fri 04-Sep-09 17:33:23

thanks girls.

i think that the problem is that i've had no time at all...life has been stressful in general for me..we're STILL building a big house extension, had 7 weeks summer hols and been home with my 3 youngish kids with no break at all. my ds had an op in the first week of the hols, and all this on top of my mums very sudden and unexpected death.

i'm not sleeping well at all...the only time i get to acknowledge my thoughts tend to be in the middle of the night which is not good i know.

i don't want to see my gp....i don't know why..i would offer that as very sound advice to anyone else!

i'm not a natural moaner..i'm usually the listener with all my friends and always keep up a sunny facade...but i'm having trouble with seeing people i've not seen for ages. they're asking how my hols were and i feel like i just don't want to say they were ok. they weren't.

i just need a break. dh was great initially, and he also is really upset by my mum, but he is moving on (which is fine) and its now that my grief is starting to really hit me, just as everyone else seems to think that i'm sort of over it....

lots of people have been so very lovely, and those who have been the most understanding are those who have been there.

fuck. i'm talking nonsense now. my head is just so jumbled..
i can hardly bare to think about the fact that my mum has gone...i know its true and i'm living it, but its physically hurting me beyond belief the moment i let a chink of my grief out...

ineedalifechange Fri 04-Sep-09 17:42:26

you're making sense to me.

there's too much going on, on top of an already dreaful situation.

are your dc's going to school/nursery.

can you get some time away?

anastasia74 Fri 04-Sep-09 19:04:31

Chimchar, I feel for you. I lost my dad the week after your mum passed away.

I've had days like you mention where there absence just becomes too much to bare.

I sat at work last week in tears it just came over in a wave of emotion - just staring into space for ages.

Not wanting to be there, not seeing in point in anything anymore. I'm glad I stopped there though, it passed then felt I could manage being at work.

I think you need to try and put yourself first for a while - your needs emotions etc.

Give more time for yourself. I know it can be good to keep busy etc. Not to dwell all day on fact that they have gone.

But,I think you can be too busy though with other things going on. To the point of where it just becomes too stressful.

As though what is going on with your emotions have been overlooked. I went for a manicure and pedicure today. My first ever - I found it so soothing and calming being massaged etc. It was just what I needed. The Feeling of being cared for.

Hope you are feeling a little better.

Hugs to you.

everlong Fri 04-Sep-09 21:23:36

Oh Chimchair... I really understand every word you say. I am very sorry that you have lost your lovely mum I really am.

I lost my eldest son Oliver who was nearly 21 last Nov. I can think back to 7/8 weeks since he died and I was exactly the same as you are now.

There is no magic wand. Your loss is awful and you are grieving, grief is such a terrible pain but one you have to go through.

If I were you I would go to your GP. Just to talk. But the main thing that you need right nnow is support, kindness and looking after. Have you got a friend, relative etc that you can just go and let off steam for an hour?

I am now 10 months down the line and these last few weeks have felt as bad as when we lost him. It is a rollercoaster. I have just started counselling and am on AD. I am trying to help myself but it is hard.

Don't try and hide it from your friends, it is so easy to say ' oh yes I'm ok ' but you can only do this for so long as I am finding oout for my self.

Keep coming back here and writing down how you feel.

chimchar Sat 05-Sep-09 10:13:30

thanks again everyone...am feeling a bit more "together" today.

everlong..i remember you posting about your son....i can't even begin to imagine your pain...thanks for taking the time to support me.

to the other girls who too have lost their mums or dads...it does oddly help to know that i'm not alone on this journey...and its good to know that others can relate to where i am...thank you.

i do need some time out...i go back to work on monday (work term time only) and the kids all go back to school...which will leaVE me with one morning to myself when littlest is in nursery...tbh, it'll be nice just to get that...am hoping it will save my sanity! along of course with my bowen therapy....things are coming together a bit for me.....and l;ike i say, i'm feeling brighter today.

thanks for letting me witter on..it really does help loads. x

oneofapair Sat 05-Sep-09 13:59:11

I am reading these thread partly to absorb the wise words contained in them but partly to take my mind of yesterdays funeral. At present I am staying with my parents but I think I will to go somewhere private where I can shout and scream and cry for my sister without my Dad's disapproving looks

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