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Dad died 5 weeks ago. The grief hit me like a truck all over again this morning. When will the pain of loss lessen.

(6 Posts)
anastasia74 Tue 25-Aug-09 18:51:08

My lovely dad passed away very suddenly in hospital just 5 weeks ago. Felt in the last few days that it was getting a bit easier.

But this morning when I woke up - I just felt I needed to see him - so much it hurt in my chest. The sense of me missing him was so raw - I can't put it into words.

I felt I wanted to tell him everything what's been happening with the family. He would have been so thrilled for his grand daughter getting into uni.

I Cried all the way to work. Thought I'd be ok when I got there - but once I started being upset I could'nt stop crying for half an hour.

People were really nice at work and understand but its still really really difficult.

Then felt really physically rough - like I'd not slept for 2 days. Could not wait to get home.

How is everyone doing who lost there mum/dad around the same time as me. Hope that life is being kind to you. Hugs to you.

NanaNina Tue 25-Aug-09 19:20:59

Oh Anastasia - I do feel for you. It is very early days and I don't think you can be expecting not to feel raw pain just now. Grieving is a very normal process and it takes a long time. If someone is loved in life as your dad was, then it is normal for you to be feeling like you are. Grieving has different stages and sometimes it's 2 steps forward and one step back. You can still talk to your dad in your head and tell him what's happening but I know it's not the same as a living loving relationship.

You need to be gentle with yourself and accept that the months ahead are going to be painful. There isn't a short cut to grieving. It usually comes over us in "waves" - some memory or something you think or hear will set you off - don't stop yourself from crying by the way. All I can say is that eventually the distance between the "waves" gets longer. You never "get over it" as people so often think or say, but over time it does become more manageable and you will be able to have the lovely memories of your dad without feeling quite so sad.

With sincere good wishes to you

DrNortherner Fri 28-Aug-09 08:43:29

Sweetheart, it's tough isn't it? My Dad died in April and I know exactly what you mean. ESpecially about the pain actually physically hurting.

I have photos of him around thye house and I concously avoid looking at them as it's just too painful atm.

A week or so ago I had a period of 4 days running when I felt just like you, the road is too long, too relentless, I was tired of not seeing him anymore. At the moment I feel OK. I'm not crying, or sad. And I am trying to ru with it right now, because I know that before long, grief will come along like a huge wave and swamp me al over again.

I also have a difficult relationship with my Mum, which is not proving easy but thats another story.

SEnding you strength.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 28-Aug-09 08:58:44


I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my nana 4 years ago and I still can't believe she has gone. She was all I had.

Could you write a letter to your dad telling him all that is going on and read it to him at his graveside?


anastasia74 Fri 28-Aug-09 11:18:17

Thanks a lot dr, nina and fab baker for your words of comfort and hugs - it means a lot.

As the regulars on here know. Since dad died I have posted quite regularly on this site. Its given me a lot of strength to know I'm not on my own going through these feelings and helped me to cope.

Feel a bit better today, not as tearful somehow.

Thank goodness I'm off work for a week now. So feel the pressure is off - having to put a brave face on at work.

I was caught off guard again yesterday, a builder rang me regarding work issues and he sounded just like my dad, he must have been about the same age (my dad was a builder) so that was difficult for a while.

Anyway can go for walks/swim/sleep/visit mum which is what I feel I need at the moment.

It's nice to have friends and family to talk too. but often I feel its not fair to burden them about how i'm feeling if they are having a better day than me.

Thanks again to you.

Phoenix4725 Sat 29-Aug-09 05:49:01

It does take time I lost my dad2 years ago and has been some days when missed him so bad that it hurts .

Treasure the pictures in time your be glad you have them

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