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(56 Posts)
VirtualFairy Sat 28-May-05 11:55:25

on thursday i had my 22 week scan and all was going perfect and i found out that i was having a girl and i was so excited as i was secretly hoping i would have a girl. on tuesday i went to hospital with strange discharge and on friday i gave birth to my baby - they wouldnt give me steriods or try to save her becasue of hospital policy to not attempt to save before 24 weeks, i feel that i was so close being only 8 days off 24 weeks. i would have payed anything and i tryed everything to give my baby a chance but labour just wouldnt stop.
she was perfect and there was nothing wrong with her, i went into labour because of an infection but the infection did not seem to get better from the antibiotics i was given in hospital, i do not know what the infection was and the hospital says i may never know.
before i got pregnant i had a full once over at the clinic which gave me all clear for all std kind of infections. the hospital tell me it was probabley normal bacteria down there that changed and caused early labour.
i want to know how and why that could happen, was it stress?
i hate my body so much for pushing my baby out and killing her.
i have no idea where to go from here, it has been a week since i held her in my arms and said goodbye and i know she is still in the hospital on the 2nd floor and i can't stop thinking about her lieing there alone.

popsycal Sat 28-May-05 11:57:39

oh no i am so so sorry
there are people on here who have been through similar things and will be here to offer more support
thinking of you and so sorry you have to go through this

elsmommy Sat 28-May-05 12:00:52


I'm so sorry

whymummy Sat 28-May-05 12:02:13

virtualfly
i'm so sorry,i don't know what else to say,there's mums here that have been through the same thing and they can offer you support,it is quite on here at weekends but you will get lots of help
x x

Hulababy Sat 28-May-05 12:07:50

Oh I am so sorry that you have lost your little girl Thinking of you.

Hausfrau Sat 28-May-05 12:24:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

uwila Sat 28-May-05 12:25:04

Oh ... I don't know what to say. But wanted to offer my sypathies.

Ther will be others with relevant experience who can help more than I ever could.

Very for you.

ebbie22 Sat 28-May-05 12:26:18

I dont have the answers and my heart breaks to hear of sad things like this,but it was not your fault..You did everything you could to do the best for your baby......Thinking of you.

lemonice Sat 28-May-05 13:13:24

I don't have the words to express my sympathy to you, I'm sorry..thinking of you at this time

Louise1980 Sat 28-May-05 13:21:12

VF I cant say I understand how you feel because I dont. I feel for you and I hope your questions get answered.

Please don't think of her lying alone. She is an angel now and she will always be with you. Lots of babies are born prem or stilborn and they are all together now.

Dont blame yourself as you willed your body to hold on. I read your thread before you went into hospital. Did you get to name her or hold her etc? Do you have any keepsakes?

Ive supported my friend through this and I will be with you if you'd like me to be. CAT me if you like and I will give you my MSN address.

x x x

CrazyDi Sat 28-May-05 21:20:57

So sorry to hear whats happened to you virtual fairy

A few years back I was pregnant for the first time and started bleeding at about 13 weeks. I had numerous scans etc and they all looked okay and baby was fine and they kept telling me no problems...At 20 weeks I started with bad cramps and just knew it was labour. Hubby called ambulance and after 12 hours of painful labour I miscarried.

I was heartbroken, all that pain etc and nothing..no baby to cuddle..nothing.

For weeks I didn't think I would ever get back to normal, and like you I discovered it was some kind of 'mysterious infection' that had passed to my womb..no specifics were ever given though. I eventually visited my gp and he prescribed some mild anti-depressants to help me get my head round it. They were a great help.

It does get easier and people all find their own way to cope...dont be afraid to ask for help though..and dont let it take over your life..

I believe in happy endings..just look at me now.. I had baby number 3 four weeks ago!!

Flossam Sat 28-May-05 21:38:43

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Toothache Sat 28-May-05 21:47:22

VF -

I was rushed to hospital at 23+6 days with a severe UTI that had threatened to start labour. I had no symptoms at all before the pains started. They told me at the hospital that Urinary Tract Infections can trigger premature labour and the symptoms can be masked until the infection is well set in.

No consolation at all I know.

You must be so angry and sad (understatement!).

Did you name her?

womba1 Sat 28-May-05 22:20:58

VirtualFairy, I'm so incredibly sorry about the loss of your beautiful baby girl
I lost my baby boy James at 30 weeks, several years ago and i felt exactly the same emotions that you are experiencing now.Occasionally i still feel the odd pang of guilt about what happened even though James' post mortem results showed unknown cause of death.
If you need someone to rant at, cry with or just talk to, please feel feel to CAT me.
Thinking of you, Womba xx

bossykate Sat 28-May-05 22:24:07

i am so sorry you lost your baby

morocco Sat 28-May-05 22:34:03

so sorry
many hugs to you and yours

chipmonk Sun 29-May-05 08:48:23

Dear VF, I am so sad to hear of the death of your daughter. Can I ask if thet did any tests on you, because strep is one infection that I know can cause labour. I know a little boy who was born at 32 weeks and died a day old because his Mum had it and never knew. My third son died at 38 weeks from a severe placental abruption, and to some degree I still havent forgiven my body for failing him so tragically, even tho I know there wasn't anything I could have done to prevent it or anything I did to cause it. I found the strength to go on and have two more children, and while time does fade away, the love for your daughter never will and she does know that. x

Xena Sun 29-May-05 09:24:38

Virtual Fairy I'm so sorry for your loss xxx

Chandra Sun 29-May-05 09:42:11

VF, I'm so sorry that you are going through this, please don't blame yourself, you know you would have done anything possible (as you did) to save her. I wouldn't dare to say that I understand what you are going through as I have not been in a similar situation. However, I have found that everytime I loss somebody and I can not be near to him/her (I live half a world away from my family now), I light a candle at a quiet time and thank the person for being an important part of my life, for making me happy while she was here and to tell them that I will love them always. HTH, at least a little bit. I'm sorry, many hugs to you and your family.

hester Sun 29-May-05 09:51:52

My heart is breaking for you, VirtualFairy - I am so very, very sorry that this has happenned to you. Try to be gentle with yourself - it was not your fault.

I will light a candle for your little girl today. Thinking of you xxx

melliek Sun 29-May-05 14:01:00

Virtual Fary, I cannot imagine what you must be going through. My heart feels so heavy and sad for you.....
Who knows why things happen the way that they do, alot of times they seem more wrong then right, but God has a plan for everything and everyone.
Like the ladies have said, your baby is not alone, she is an angel in heaven now...a place where there is no pain, suffering nor sadness.
She will always be there for you...never forget that.

VirtualFairy Sun 29-May-05 14:23:11

thankyou everyone its nice to talk to other people - i upset my dp when i talk to him and i don't feel close enough to anyone else.

they did culture some blood and some swabs but still no results of what it was. i thought of strep b as one of the mums in the mumsnet antenatal group found out that she has it and i decided a few days before my baby was born that i was going to go for a private strep b test as recommended on the strep b website. i really hope i found out what this infection was, i know it can't change anything but i need to know.
my dp is talking about having more babies he is able to look to the future but i don't know how ill ever be able to go through the same 5 months of pregnancy again, i know some of you have have had children after stillbirth/miscarriage, how did you cope with the pregnancy knowing that the same might happen again.

i did get to hold my baby she tried to breath 3 times - the midwife said she was dead and that it was a reflex or something. she had my dp feet and ears. we called her seven tahlia, my dp wanted to call her seven since she was concieved and i wasn't so keen as its a bit weird having a number for a name but it stuck and seemed right after she was born.

i am traumatised by the way i was treated in that hospital, from the midwifes treating me like i was a nuisance to them, to them not giving me my antibiotics on time and when i moaned and asked when they were overdue by at least 2 hours i got very abrupt and rude responses. the midwife who delivered my baby, i did not understand her english as it was very bad.
when on the ward they would come in without saying a word and shove a thermometer in your mouth and then walk off when i was asking them when i was seeing a doctor. when i told them i was bleeding they said they would get a doctor but after waiting for 5 hours and asking again they said the doctor hadn't been called for me yet.
in labour i was checked at 4pm and was 3 cm dialated they decided i did not need oxytocin drip as i was desperate to avoid as my veins were knackered from iv antibiotics. no one came to see me again until 9.30pm. my dp had decided by that point in frustration with everyone that he was going to deliver the baby himself, and if it wasnt for my screaming causing much echoing around the whole delivery suite i doubt anyone would have come to deliver my baby. a midwife came when the baby was crowning and took over the rest of the delivery.
i have a bruise 3 inchs long on my arm from where someone tried to put in a drip but the needle bent and pierced my vein and on the other arm i have lumpy texture where they did manage to put a line in and it worked for 2 antibiotic treatments but must have moved and when putting antibiotics again, i was screaming in pain and it was obvious antibiotics were being put straight under my skin and not in a vein.
i know my veins are just not made for sticking things in them - but i think if they had just more time and patience things might have worked better.
the whole thing was so horrible i just don't know whether i could ever go back there, yet i really want to talk to a doctor there about what happened and how i can prevent it happening again in any furthur pregnancies.

wow i have gone on a bit soz

Aero Sun 29-May-05 14:33:53

so sorry you've had to go through this VF.

MarsLady Sun 29-May-05 14:37:35

Hausfrau Sun 29-May-05 15:17:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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