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Can't be real, his phones still ringing

(60 Posts)
Lovemyshoes Mon 17-Aug-09 18:32:18

Police have just been to tell me my brothers body has been found

LIZS Mon 17-Aug-09 18:33:15

I'm so sorry

TheProfiteroleThief Mon 17-Aug-09 18:33:21

Oh no. DO you have someone who can get to you?

Has your brother been missing?

Chunkamatic Mon 17-Aug-09 18:34:34

I'm so sorry for you and for your family.

StinkyFart Mon 17-Aug-09 18:35:15

Oh I am so so sorry sad

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 17-Aug-09 18:36:10

Oh love sad

What do you need?

SammyK Mon 17-Aug-09 18:37:13

So sorry sad

TheProfiteroleThief Mon 17-Aug-09 18:39:28

Forgive me being stalkery, but I have just searched the last month and I believe you have had a tough time lately. Is you DH/DP due home? Are your parents still living? Do you have siblings?

Is a friend around who can help a bit with the dc?

Lovemyshoes Mon 17-Aug-09 18:43:04

DH is here with me at the minute.

He wasn't missing, we hadn't spoken in over a week, which is normal for us.

Lovemyshoes Mon 17-Aug-09 18:44:25

It's ok TPT. He's with mum and dad now, don't know where my other silings are.

2 x friends are being amazing and so is DH, he's just got me some wine.

TheProfiteroleThief Mon 17-Aug-09 18:47:17

You poor thing - you must be in so much shock. I am glad you have Dh and friends with you.

Does your DB have a family too? Are you next of kin?

I hope you get some time to absorb this before having to do stuff.

I hope there is some comfort at him being with your paretns.

Lovemyshoes Mon 17-Aug-09 18:51:35

He is estranged from his ex and children, I have told his ex though, she didn't seem bothered and has said she doesn't know if his children will go to the funeral.

I am the next of kin, i've asked the police to make sure no-one goes near him now, he looked after me when mam died,it's my turn now.

I'm just petrified as dh and I don't have money to pay for a funeral.

TheProfiteroleThief Mon 17-Aug-09 18:56:46

Try not to panic about money just yet.

Do you think you will need to identify him? If you are wary of this, is there someone slightly removed who could do this for you? If not, hopefully Dh can accompany you.

Do you think it is straightforward, ie not a crime involved? This may delay them releasing his body to you.

Do you have a trusted funeral director? Maybe the one who looked after your parents? It may be that they can book a funeral time for you. I know it sounds horrid, but it can take 2 weeks in cities to get one, which can be very hard to take.

In terms of practical stuff do you think he had made a will? If so, are you the executor? That makes things straightforward.

If no will, then as next of kin, you can act as administrator of his estate.

Either way, funerals can be done and offset against the deceased estate even before probate is obtained. There are also some grants available I believe.

TheProfiteroleThief Mon 17-Aug-09 18:57:40

sorry if that all sounds a bit brutal - just trying to be reasuring about scary stuff.

Obviously nothign makes emotional stuff any easier sad

Comewhinewithme Mon 17-Aug-09 18:59:18

I'm so sorry .

Lovemyshoes Mon 17-Aug-09 19:01:08

No crime involved.

I have insisted that no-one else must identify him, it has got to be me, dh is going with me and he and my best friend are going in with me.

He won't have made a will, he did not have any insurance, he was on jobseekers allowance. It's up to me to deal with his belongings etc.

You are not being brutal, unfortunately I am a forward thinker and worry about things that happen in the future rather than how I am feeling at the minute.

SmallScrewCap Mon 17-Aug-09 19:01:13

How frightening and confusing for you, I am so sorry.

cathcat Mon 17-Aug-09 19:03:30

I'm so sorry. sad What a shock for you.

TheProfiteroleThief Mon 17-Aug-09 19:03:52

info on funeral expenses grant.

Just in case useful.

I think it is very common to go into coping mode and do your grieving later.

My only real advice is to try to make sure you eat and drink something and ensure you take your of yourself by taking any necessary medications. It is easy to overlook and allow yourself to become more ill/stressed than bereavement causes in its own right. But of course, you have some experience of this already.

Lovemyshoes Mon 17-Aug-09 19:09:47

Not being horrible, but wish DH could kiss and cuddle me more, when his DM died he didn't want it and he seems to be annoyed that I do.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 17-Aug-09 19:12:58


TheProfiteroleThief Mon 17-Aug-09 19:16:01

Just tell him! he may well be relieved there is something he can do to comfort you.

SammyK Mon 17-Aug-09 19:17:51

{{HUGS}} from me too, is your best friend on hand too? Is your DH usually tactile? May just be that you grieve differently and he doesn't realise how much you need that physical comfort from him.

NotEvenTheTrees Mon 17-Aug-09 19:24:04

I am sorry.

I know you have wine which is a major food group of course but please make sure you eat. Even just a little bit. And drink little and often.

You will end up emotionally exhausted, physical exhaustion could come very easily. Make sure you ask your friends/dh for what you need in specific terms.

Again, I'm sorry.

Lovemyshoes Mon 17-Aug-09 19:28:57

My best friend is the only one that knows the true me and she is there 24/7, if i wanted her she would be here.

I feel sick, I've just managed to get in touch with my sis through facebook, I had to break dads death to her and now my brothers.

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