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Friend lost baby this morning at 8 months pregnant

(30 Posts)
Bugzi Fri 27-May-05 10:24:20

I've just heard the news that a friend who suffered a miscarriage at 5 months with her last pregnancy lost her baby at 8 months this morning. I'm absolutely devastated for them. I want to send flowers but feel like i want to do more as really the flowers should have been for her having the baby not a funeral. Does anyone know if there is a charity which helps to fund research into why babies die in the womb at such late stages? Just so upset at the moment, i can harldy think straight. Why does this happen???????

Hulababy Fri 27-May-05 10:25:35

I am so sorry to hear about your friend's loss.

oops Fri 27-May-05 10:29:44

Message withdrawn

Toothache Fri 27-May-05 10:30:50

MarsLady Fri 27-May-05 10:34:37

Miaou Fri 27-May-05 10:34:51

really sad for you and your friend Bugzi, that's awful.

Could you send her a card expressing your sadness at their loss? May be more appropriate than flowers, if she can't deal with it, it's there for her to pick up and read later - flowers need putting in vases, watering etc - may be more hassle than comfort. Sorry - not meaning to pour cold water on your idea. I like oops's idea about Tommys too.

Gobbledigook Fri 27-May-05 10:42:33

Oh Bugzi - so sorry to hear that

I don't know, when my friend lost her baby at 40 wks I just sent her a card saying that I was sorry and that I was thinking of her and if she needed me she knew where I was. That was all I felt I could do. I felt flowers were a bit inappropriate really.

pixiefish Fri 27-May-05 10:43:14

Yorkiegirl Fri 27-May-05 10:44:37

Message withdrawn

TinyGang Fri 27-May-05 10:49:56

Very sad news. At 8mths you'd think you could feel quietly confident that all is going to be ok. She must be devestated.

LGJ Fri 27-May-05 10:56:05

So sorry to hear this

Does she live close by ??

If you cooked some meals that just needed reheating, that may help and if you do decide to do that bring bread and milk and butter and teabags, biscuits etc.

It may sound really basic, but that is what happened when my friend died all those years ago. Her Mum said that her enduring memory was of the house being full of people and food and not having to worry about feeding them, the food just kept coming in waves.


Twiglett Fri 27-May-05 10:58:01

OMG that is so sad

someone posted a while ago about a site that has special clothes, keepsake boxes for babies lost in the womb

I will try to find it

Twiglett Fri 27-May-05 11:01:31

am still looking for it but found this thread which you might be interested in

Blu Fri 27-May-05 11:24:43

Oh, the poor love. Do you think she has the SANDS contact?

Tommy's charity raises money for the research you mention, I think.

sweetheart Fri 27-May-05 11:29:44

So sorry to hear such sad news.

When we lost our baby in January I brought a keepsake box from this website

I had our sons name and the date I gave birth to him put on the box and got a newspaper from the day I had him. I also kept the scan pictures of him and pictures that the hospital took of him after he was born. I've kept all the card we were sent and cards from flowers etc etc

The hospital chaplin also gave us a card to say that our baby had been blessed.

It might sound morbid and too much for your friend to deal with at the moment - but I'm sure it's something she'd appreciate in a few months time.

These babies are little angels that should never be forgotten and now I have a little box with all my memories of my son in.

Bugzi Fri 27-May-05 12:32:07

Thank you all for your kind words and good ideas of things to help them through this awful time and also all the links. I've found a lot of info as well as good ideas on all of them. Sweetheart, i'm so sorry that you lost your baby son and thank you very much for sharing that with me and for your advice, i really appreciate it.

Thank you all again for everything.

jangus Fri 27-May-05 13:03:05

Bugzi, I am so sorry for your friend.
She must be going through hell.
Even though I am going through losing Lilli-Mae at the moment I still don't really know what advice to give you.

All I can suggest is helping me.
For one thing Mumsnet is a life line for me. Maybe you could introduce your friend to it, even if it was just to read other peoples stories and to get in contact with people who fully understand what she is going through.
We were also given a memory box to hold all Lilli-Mae's little things and some poems (i posted one on members profiles under our little angel).
Something I bought myself was a bigger fancy box to hold all the cards we had been given and some photo frames for pictures of her.
The thing that matters the most tho' is that she knows you are there for her and not scared to listen to her when she wants to talk about her wee baby, even it is the same stuff over and over.
sorry I don't think this is probably any use, I wish I could help.
thinking of you all.

xxxx jangus

Hausfrau Fri 27-May-05 13:38:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bugzi Fri 27-May-05 13:48:38

Jangus, thank you for posting and I am so sorry to see that you lost your little Lilli-Mae and so recently. I wish i could help you too but i don't know what to say or do. The pain that you must feel must be the worst in the world. I have previously told her about Mumsnet but will try and do so again at some point. It is a life line. I'm now crying for you and your angel, perhaps they are all together. Thank you so much again and take care of yourself. Bugzi.xx

LIZS Fri 27-May-05 13:59:05

Lottielou Fri 27-May-05 13:59:12

So sorry for you friend Bugzi that absolutely awful. My heart goes out to them x

jangus Fri 27-May-05 14:10:57

thanks bugzi. please, if there is anything that I can do for you or your friend,just ask. You seem to be a concerned and caring friend... just what your friend needs right now.
take care xxxx

Greyhound Fri 27-May-05 14:20:12

There is an organisation called SANDS (Stillbirth & Neonatal Death Society) that offers support to parents going through what your poor friend is. I think their web address is:

HTH - So sorry to hear this sad news. love G xxx

Bugzi Fri 27-May-05 14:51:10

Jangus, you are one strong lady. Thank you for your support (even though i should be supporting you).

Greyhound, thanks for web address, i will take a look.

Think i'm going to take the afternoon off and go home.

Thanks to everyone again, when i first posted this morning i felt hysterical but have managed to get myself together thanx to all your messages and seeing what others have had to endure.
lol xx

Greyhound Sat 28-May-05 00:08:46

You're more than welcome. I'm so sorry about your friend - no one should have to go through such pain and sadness. love Greyhound xxx

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