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This is such a long weary journey and I never see it ending...........

(8 Posts)
DrNortherner Sun 12-Jul-09 23:34:27

My wonderful Dad died in April. When I think back to all teh apinful tthings I had to do, register his death, plan his funeral,inform people of his death, fill out 1000's of bloody forms, visit the morgue, hold up my Mother, greet visitors at her house......and the things we still have to do, sort out her finances, help mum clear out his belongings, choose a headstone, get through christmas/birthdays etc without him.

How did I not know just how bad bereavement was before this happenned? It is a nightmare, I can not see it ending. There is a huge Dad shaped hole in my life and I can not see it ever not hurting.

I miss him so badly I would do anything to ahve him back. Anything.

I feel so sad, and weary. I can go to work and put on a smile but when I allow myself to think about Dad I sink back down again. It's too raw to think about him fondly, I just feel so sad I will never see him again.

Whereever you are Dad, I love you sad

xxx

dizzymare Sun 12-Jul-09 23:37:52

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry sad. I can't imagine the pain you're going through, I'm just so very sorry you're hurting so very much. Reading that, it's so clear how much you love your dad, and I'm sure he loves you too where ever he is. Please accept a hug from me x

BoysAreLikeDogs Sun 12-Jul-09 23:46:23

Dr N I can empathise sad

each task takes you further away from him, yes?

ANd yes to a Dad shaped hole sad

You belong to a club which you didn't want to join

It's horrid

All I can say is that is is early days and we are here to hold your hand

PrincessLayer Mon 13-Jul-09 00:16:52

I know exactly how you feel. My dad died 19 months ago.
I still have a huge dad shaped hole in my life, and on occasion sob myself stupid. When I feel myself getting too sad I try to think of something positive or funny about him.

If I go to my parents house and my mum is out I find it really strange. I still think he will be sat in his chair when I walk in.

I'm an only child, so it was between me and my mum to sort everything.

It does get easier. I find myself thinking of him more fondly than sadly (if that makes any sense) these days.

Have a girlie (hug) from me.

Salleroo Mon 13-Jul-09 00:30:07

When does it hit you? my dad died last saturday 5th July after a long battle with cancer. we were all with him and it was a horrible end.

its all sureal still. the funeral was fantastic, he got everything he wanted. i made sure i knew his wishes. i just feel like nothing has happened really. i helped with all the arrangements with my mother and siblings.

I adored my dad. is it because i live in a different country and dont have daily reminders? i have a 20 mth old and a 6 week old keeping me occupied but am terrified the grief will hit me with a bang when i least expect it.

apologies for the hijack

Technofairy Mon 13-Jul-09 00:32:34

My Dad has been gone since 1991. It does get easier and although there is still a Dad shaped hole in my life I can, and have been able to think of him without being sad for a long time now.

Of course there are odd times, usually when I've had a little too much wine or hear that song from Yentl (Papa can you hear me?) when I have a good old cry. But mostly I just have happy memories and miss him without it being desperately painful. I still talk to him which has helped I think.

It is very early days for you but you will get through it and you mustn't feel guilty when the gut wrenching pain starts to lift, which it will. That is just the grief moving on to a different phase.

You'll be fine, what you feel is normal and natural right now. Am sending you hugs as by God I needed them when I was where you are now. I promise you it does get better.

PrincessLayer Mon 13-Jul-09 15:08:20

"when does it hit you"

Anytime.

Fine and happy one minute, choking back the tears another.

You see something and think "oh must tell my dad about that".
In the shop and see something you think he might like.

It doesn't happen so often now.

As technofairy says, it will get easier.

Onlyjoking Mon 13-Jul-09 15:28:47

things will change, they wont of course ever be the same, there are no short cuts to grieving it takes as long as it takes, go with it.
it is a no win thing, if you feel ok then you feel guilty for feeling ok like you are being disloyal or didnt love them enough.
if you feel really sad then you feel you should pull yourself together. (or is that just me?)
you will revist many emotions many times you are not taking backwards steps or going mad you are just processing what has happened and i think you have to do that.

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