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Chapel of rest

(9 Posts)
pamelat Tue 23-Jun-09 16:57:36

I went today and did not like it.

I went to see my grandma who died on 13th June. I had seen grandma 7 minutes and up until an hour after she had died but this was different.

It did not feel like grandma, pyhsically or in soul. I touched her hand and I felt bad for feeling scared of that.

I am being brave and telling people that I am glad I went but I am not so sure.

The room was awful, smaller than most bathrooms. I thought there would be an option to sit and "chat" but the room was so small that I could not do this.

I kept expecting her to answer me and obviously she did not. I read her a few cards and left a photo of me and my daughter with her in the coffin (cremation tomorrow)

She did not even really seem like my grandma sad

pamelat Tue 23-Jun-09 17:00:15

the poor woman who worked there even apologised for the "set up"

everlong Tue 23-Jun-09 22:02:52

I'm really sorry to read this Pamela.

Just try to remember that it was your dear grandma that was there, not where she actually was.

It is such a surreal and weird experience seeing and touching someone whom we love and has been with us throught our life, lying in a coffin.... it is incomprehensible.

We want to wake them, we want them to respond to our touch, it is heartbreaking when they don't.

But remember that your Grandma is there, in your heart, every day.

shockers Tue 23-Jun-09 22:21:36

She is... as is mine 7 years after she died. There is rarely a day when I don't remember her for some reason.
Your Grandma lives on in your memory and the things she taught you can be passed on to your children/ grandchildren. I hope the memory of the Chapel of Rest is the one memory that fades very quickly.

pamelat Wed 24-Jun-09 08:17:46

Thank you, its the funeral today.

having thought about the chapel of rest late last night, the only positive that I can take from it is that I now feel that the person in the coffin is not my grandma. Therefore today the body that is cremated is not grandma, as such.

I feel that her spirit (not really sure what I believe) must be somewhere.

I am not sure that I should really have gone, other than for this conviction now.

I had planned to kiss her nin the chapel of rest (had kissed her an hour after her death in hospital) but I could not. I really did not feel like it was her.

She does live on. Both me and my DD have her knees smile race horse knees as my DH calls them.

differentID Wed 24-Jun-09 08:19:53

hoping everything runs smoothly for you. Today will be tough, but the memories of your grandma will be in your heart. x

pamelat Wed 24-Jun-09 19:36:23

Thank you. Today went well, all things considered.

I did my reading and my brother did his. I cried but saved most of my tears for after the reading. Its funny how you can (sometimes) detach yourself.

My aunt is a part time priest (dads side of family) and she did the service. In fact its her mums funeral tomorrow sad

It was hard but we got through it. A bit worried about grandad as he is now all alone sad

Am glad its done with. Nothing still seems real.

shockers Wed 24-Jun-09 22:39:13

X

mumoverseas Thu 25-Jun-09 14:12:07

hi pamelat, glad you managed to do your reading. I agree about being able to detach yourself, if only very briefly.
I'm sorry about your experience at the chapel. Whe I visited my mum there a few weeks ago it was a lovely room where I was able to spend time with her although they wouldn't let me see her. I left photos of the grandchildren and some letters from them and also her rosary which they put in with her after I left and I felt strangely calm when I left the funeral directors.

It won't seem real for a while. So many times the last few weeks I've wanted to pick up the phone and call mum sad

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