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How can I help my lovely friend after her DS died at the weekend, any suggestions?

(18 Posts)
LadyBuzz Wed 17-Jun-09 12:39:45

My lovely lovely BF lost her beautiful DS2 in his sleep on Saturday night.He was 20 months old.
She is understandably totally devastated.
I know this may seem like an odd question but is there anything I could do to help her through this.
I have spent alot of time with her this week just listening and giving her cuddles and she knows I am there anytime, I just feel so helpless watching her suffer and if there is anything at all I can do to help I would love to know.

mrsruffallo Wed 17-Jun-09 12:52:48

No ideas really, it does sound like you are doing enough just being there for her.

foreveroptimistic Wed 17-Jun-09 12:54:44

How tragic. sad

shadowofacow Wed 17-Jun-09 12:56:33

practical things like taking round food ready to heat up if she does feel like eating maybe?

does she have older children who need looking after or a dog that will need walked?

i have no idea how i would cope with this, you can only just be there when she wants you sad

Nemoandthefishes Wed 17-Jun-09 13:00:11

so so sadsad
agree just practically being there helping sort out food/other children even bills/finances if you can help.
You sound like a very good friend

Jojay Wed 17-Jun-09 13:01:51

OMG how awful. No advice but sympathies to you both.

snice Wed 17-Jun-09 13:02:30

She may need help with letting other people know what has happened (acquaintances rather than family I mean) and with any offialdom such as death certificates/funeral directors

snice Wed 17-Jun-09 13:03:15

officialdom

tigger32 Wed 17-Jun-09 13:03:17

How terrible sad

I think what you are doing is enough, just knowing that there is someone to lean on will help her.

shadowofacow Wed 17-Jun-09 13:03:48

also if she does not already have hand/foot prints or a lock of hair you may be able to sort this out (if she would like these things)

fucksticks Wed 17-Jun-09 13:11:17

maybe help with her housework/cooking?
do you have photos/paintings that her ds did? you could gather up as many things as you can to keep for for later
Help out with her older children? or do their washing/ironing for them?

ninedragons Wed 17-Jun-09 13:16:04

I like fucksticks' idea about collecting up any mementos of her DS. Perhaps over the coming months you could go through all your photos and have all the ones with him in them printed as a photo book.

God, the poor, poor woman.

ninedragons Wed 17-Jun-09 13:16:10

I like fucksticks' idea about collecting up any mementos of her DS. Perhaps over the coming months you could go through all your photos and have all the ones with him in them printed as a photo book.

God, the poor, poor woman.

ninedragons Wed 17-Jun-09 13:16:35

sorry, no idea what happened there.

LadyBuzz Wed 17-Jun-09 15:45:37

Thanks everyone there are some lovely ideas here, I know her DP took a lock of his hair before they took him away.
I will maybe get a memory box for her to keep all of these things in. She doesn't want anything at the moment but I know this will pass with time.
She does have an older DS but his Granny is taking care of him mainly.
Thanks again for the suggestions.

cathcat Wed 17-Jun-09 19:31:29

So sorry sad, what a shock for you all. I think a lot of these type of threads talk about how important it is to be there in the months down the line (but you sound like you will be) Talking about him, putting his name in conversation, remembering the anniversary etc.
Sympathies to you all.

Mousie Thu 18-Jun-09 18:20:43

great book by caroline doughty on "what can i do to help" - loads of practical suggestions on regular small things that really can make a difference - and yes, pacing crucial.. keep up the support when it will drop off - after a few months or so..
so sorry. mumsnet seems a great resource for mothers in her situation - she will find some others to grieve with here, who really know what she is going through...

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 18-Jun-09 18:22:24

Oh Goodness sad

Poor family. And you too.

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