I am sorry you have lost your mum, my lovely mum also passed in March this year and I am expecting my first baby on July 20th. It cuts me deeply that she won't get to meet him and he won't benefit from knowing such a beautiful, kind woman as his grandma. For her funeral my brother-in-law put together a montage of pictures, and in most of them she is holding one of my nephews and nieces with such joy in her face, I keep looking at the pictures and think of what my son will not have, but try and remember how lucky I was that she was my mum, and every time I feel sad I should put it into love for my baby because that would be what she would want. I know how hard it is going round the shops, not having her to chat with inanely like I can't do with anyone else. I was in Mothercare the other day choosing some outfits for the baby and I had to take myself off to the toilet and have a cry because she wasn't there to help me choose. It wouldn't have helped if anyone else had been there either, she was the only person I wanted. I am glad that she knew at least that I was expecting, she was so thrilled, but I know that when my son arrives there will be bittersweet moments and I am just hoping that overall I cope ok. So you are definitely not alone, I am lucky like you in that my partner is also great (sadly he has lost both his parents so understands), and he has helped me realise that there is no magic wand that takes this all away, noone comes down from the sky to make it all better. I guess you can get help and I think on and off about bereavement counselling but at the moment am not sure if it would help or make me feel worse - how can a stranger ever know how special my mum was? Like you, I was very close to my mum, I miss that phone not ringing and no point in checking the ansaphone like I used to. Sorry this is no practical help as it sounds like I am in a similar place to you, I just let the tears come when they come (they build up like pressure inside me that has to be released) and try and take pleasure in everything that she taught me to look out for, the wildflowers at the roadside, the birds in the garden, the position of the moon - just little things that give me comfort. I wish you comfort too, and everyone that is missing someone. x