Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Think my grandma is going to die tonight

23 replies

pamelat · 12/06/2009 22:22

Just back from hospital.

Not handling it very well. I know she is old and poorly but I have always been very close to her and I love her with all my heart.

Am meant to be at a wedding tomorrow.

Her kidneys, heart and lungs are failing . she is so scared xxx

OP posts:

Report

kormachameleon · 12/06/2009 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cathcat · 12/06/2009 22:29

Oh I am so sorry Very distressing for you. Is the hospital making her comfortable? If it is any consolation sometimes what the doctors and nurses predict will happen is an art rather than a science. What I mean is we were told to expect the worst on a few occasions but my relative pulled through for quite a few more weeks.
Try to get some rest and to relax. No doubt tomorrow will be long day, don't make any decisions tonight.

Report

cornsilk · 12/06/2009 22:32

Sorry to hear this pamelat.

Report

Hulababy · 12/06/2009 22:32

So sorry

Report

Ledodgy · 12/06/2009 22:35

So sorry.

Report

notperfectmum · 12/06/2009 22:38

I know it sounds corny but they do life on in you.

I adored my nan who died 5 years ago and still miss her. I was privileged to be with her in her last week and when she died and know it was her time. I just used to read softly to my nan and tell her stories even though I'm not sure whether she could hear me, helped me to have something to do too.

My prayers are with you. i hope you all find peace.

Report

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 12/06/2009 22:53

pamelat - heart goes out to you. Keeping you in my thoughts tonight.

Do you have DCs who are close to their great-gran?

Report

pamelat · 13/06/2009 09:14

Hello all and thank you

My grandma passed away at 615 this morning, I was too late to the hospital.

My mum and my aunt were with her in the final 20 minutes or so, as were 2 of my cousins.

Me and my grandad, and my uncle were 10 minutes too late - thats going to take some getting over.

I am meant to be at a wedding today but have cried for the last 3 hours.

I wish I was religious. I told grandma (after I was too late) that I would meet her again one day and that now she is a better place with no pain etc. Its just its still (selfishly) so hard

My DD is 17 months so does not really understand. She does not even seem to "mind" the crying, she came to the hospital but not see my grandma herself
Thank you

OP posts:

Report

cornsilk · 13/06/2009 09:43

sorry for your loss pamelat.

Report

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 13/06/2009 09:46

Oh no, I am so sorry . You were my last thought last night.

It is a terrible loss if you have been close to your Grandma, they play such an important part in our lives.

There are lots of poems and words and all of those things which say illuminating things about death, but now is not the time for them.

Cry, talk, smile when you remember your lovely Grandma and be thankful she was in your life, as she was that you were in hers.

Take care.

Report

Portofino · 13/06/2009 09:49

{sad] for you! And sorry you didn't get to be with her at the end. She wasn't alone though, but with people who loved her.

Report

pamelat · 13/06/2009 11:29

Thank you all, my emotions are big waves. One minute it feels almost ok (which sounds awful) but I think that she is at ease, and happier etc but the next moment a big wave comes over me and its all just too much.

I have since found out that 3 weeks ago she spoke to a macmillan nurse (she did not have cancer though?) and told them that she had had enough but that helps.

I just wish that I had seen her more in those last few weeks. I saw her last sunday but only again last night.

We used to talk every other day on the phone but I have been a bit rubbish the last few weeks (work/tired/toddler - the usual excuses) and only spoken twice a week or so. In this last week she has not really wanted to talk Glad I saw her last night.

My youngest cousin (22) went on holiday last night to Turkey with just one other girl, she needs to know soon but is still the baby of the family, other than my DD so it will be very hard on her too.

OP posts:

Report

kormachameleon · 13/06/2009 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pamelat · 14/06/2009 20:41

I went to the wedding yesterday and managed to only cry a few times, the church hymns, the speeches and then uncontrollably (but out of sight) at the end of the night.

Have seen family all day, my grandad is finding it very hard.

Even as I type this none of it seems real, its just too big to get my head around. I was thinking about how (without knowing) she has had her last Christmas and how she will never share in any of my DD's future birthdays, and she wont be around to see DD grown in to a little person.

My grandma was/is the kindest person ever. She had been poorly for a long time but only in hospital a few days this time round.

I am taking tomorrow off work as I feel I have spent 48 hours having to put a brave face on and I just want to be alone for a day.

It cant be healthy to be constantly trying to not cry

OP posts:

Report

pamelat · 14/06/2009 20:42

links to poems may help. Am also thinking of trying to do a reading for grandma

OP posts:

Report

herbietea · 14/06/2009 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BuckBuckMcFate · 14/06/2009 21:02

Pamelat

So sorry for you

We went through the same thing with my Nanna last September. I beat myself up for not seeing her as often as I would've liked too.

Though the last time I saw her, she didn't really say much and I just sat holding her hand. Before I left I told her that i loved her, the kids loved her and that I would take care of my mum.

I think she was holding on until I'd been to see her and she did seem vey peaceful when I left. She died the next morning.

I was wondering if your Grandma had done the same for you and I know I found a lot of comfort in thinking it was her decision to let go.

I definately think some time off would be good for you, a good bawl and time to remember all the good things about your Grandma.

Bug hugs to you x

Report

pamelat · 14/06/2009 21:11

Maybe I saw her Friday night and just sa for 40 minutes or so (would have stayed longer by choice) holding her hand and rubbing her forehead and hand. She could hear and I said I loved her. She opened her eyes once or twice but was not well enough to talk. She said "voicemail" when we were talking to each other about where the mobile phone was and she also tried to say "bye" at the end.

She apparently had a peaceful night but woke 515am very poorly. My mum, aunt and cousin were there by 6am ish and she went at 615am. I was too late.

I am struggling a bit as been "ok" (on and of) yesterday and today. Now it seems more real.

Had squabble with DH as he can not understand my anger, which is starting to arrive

OP posts:

Report

Claire2301 · 14/06/2009 21:11

So sorry to hear your news. My Nana died at the age of 68 in January and it is so strange without her here. Just the everyday things seems so hard sometimes. It has got easier to carry on but things will keep catching you, i've had a fair few moments at work.

I read a letter to Nana at her funeral and I have to say it really did help me, I talked about the fun things we'd done, places we'd been and memories i'll hold close forever.

Please take tomorrow for yourself and hold dear all the memories you have together.

Report

cathcat · 14/06/2009 21:39

So sorry Pamelat. (Squabbles with those closest to you are normal at times like these IMO)

Report

MumHadEnough · 14/06/2009 21:49

Awww so sorry Pamelat, I missed my Nana's death by about 2 minutes tops. It took me a long time to get over that. I eventually consoled myself by thinking that she didn't want me there, didn't want me upset by seeing her die and if she'd really wanted me to be there she'd have waited for me.

I hope that comes out properly. x

Report

BuckBuckMcFate · 14/06/2009 21:57

Ah pamelat, I would see that as her finding peace with you just being there and cherish that she did try to say Goodbye to you and she heard you telling her you love her.

And the anger is so normal, I was outraged that horrible people could still be alive when my lovely Nanna wasn't.

It can't be easy squabbling with DH Hopefully he realises that this is not an easy time for you right now

Report

pamelat · 15/06/2009 08:08

Thanks all. Have not gone to work today. Am going to take this morning to sit and just potter as have not yet been alone.

My DD (17 months) has been in a terrible mood and very difficult all weekend. She is often quite high needs but this weekend she has not stopped whining at me and is not sleeping now either, up since 5am. It sounds trivial but I cant cope with that today. I feel for her as she obviously does not understand and yet must be picking up on everyones grief for everyone else my DD is a welcome distraction but its me that has to worry about her/entertain her, and it feels too stressful right now.

The anger has surprised me.

Initially I was almost accepting. I accepted that grandma was in pain and that it was a release for her. I was glad that she had my mum with her and that things were relatively peaceful. I was glad that she had seem most of her family in the last 24 hours. I still understand that that is all logical but now I feel angry and selfish too, its all a bit big.

My patience with others is quite low but am going to give myself a week or so until after the funeral before I give myself a harsh ish talking to