my poor poor cousin

[LesbianMummy1]

basically due to her parents divorce I have hardly seen my cousins for three years prior to that only saw them few times a year. Spoke to my aunt last week who is also her aunt who told me my 17 year old cousin had just had a baby boy I had not even known she was pregnant cause she lives with her mum and her dad is my uncle
and as I have not seen my uncle since the divorce we are not kept informed of how they are. This morning I got a call from that same aunt to say my cousins baby died last night from a virus and breathing problem. I know I am not close to her but feel devastated for her and do not know whether to go round there, send flowers/card or leave her with a bit of privacy for now. What should I do ?

[FabulousBakerGirl]

Send a card definitely with your contact details in.

I am so sorry.

My cousin lost a baby many years ago which had been born prem. Very sad time.

[christiana]

Message withdrawn

[LesbianMummy1]

thank you just feel awful and as we are not close it makes it harder. My ds2 has weak lungs etc and I just think how fraught with worry we were and I am 10 years older than her. I know it is hard to loose a baby at any age but I feel 17 is so young to understand life.

[christiana]

Message withdrawn

[LesbianMummy1]

as far as I know both her parents will do anything possible to help. My aunt said her and her boyfriend were struggling really badly last she knew. I know age is irrelevant really I just remember how at that young you feel confused about everything and not quite adult but don't feel like a child either have known 2 other people who have lost babies in last 3 year but was a lot closer to them and somehow just found the right words I also always send flowers on anniversary to remind them I care.

[Underconstruction]

Write. Always write. It means so much. You don't have to know what to say, but that you've cared can mean a lot. And remember in a few weeks/months when the initial fuss has died down. She might never respond to you, but she will be grateful. As will her parents if you write to them.