I lost my Dad 6 months ago to cancer

[thewheelsonthebus]

I also lost my Dad 6 months ago and I'm finding it hard to cope. I am dreading Xmas, father's day and his/ my birthdays. They are all reminders. I have just been to see my stepmother and it breaks my heart to go back to Dad's house where she still lives. I feel so sad that he isn't there to see my DS (20months) grow up. I was really close to my dad and I can't stop feeling sad.

[thewheelsonthebus]

Should have added, can anyone give me any tips on coping? I have had some bereavement counselling and I did find it useful (I went about 5 times). I stopped for the moment as is expensive and was I have to find someone to look after my DS.

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

I am so sorry for your loss.

It is still very early days yet.

Do you have a partner or a good friend that you can talk to?

Be kind to yourself, there is no reason why you shouldn't feel sad, and angry, and wistful too.

Anniversaries, the first especially, can be grim, and cannot be avoided, merely endured.

Take one day at a time.

[thewheelsonthebus]

Thanks for your message. Yes I have a lovely DP and good friends who are good at listening... especially one who has lost a mum herself. Sometimes I just feel so needy I suppose. Also I have a brother who has been supportive until now. He lives far away not really helping at the moment. He has 2 young children so I am sure he is busy. I feel that I have really been there for him in the past and I feel hurt that he is not doing the same for me now.

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

Its okay to be needy

Your brother is dealing in his own way

Tis a lonely path to walk, we can hold your hand

[NancysGarden]

So sorry for your loss. I also lost my dear Dad 3 months ago to something similar. I know how you feel. But I must say, and you may not wish to hear this, I think your response is healthy. Yes you are sad and desolate probably at times (even desperate?) but what you are feeling is normal and although it doesn't change the sad, sad fact that your dear Dad is no longer here, you are beginning to process things. (I feel slightly envious because apart from odd outburst, I am not really allowing myself to feel anything, which results in terrible headaches and the fear that I may crack up one of these days.)

Allow yourself time is all I would say, I am trying to do the same and take all the help people are offering. And perhaps things with your brother will resolve themselves naturally. Possibly he needs some time for himself to grieve alone? Just a thought.

So very sorry once again, it's an awful time.

[thewheelsonthebus]

Thanks BoyAreLikeDogs and NancysGarden. I am so sorry for your loss NancyGarden too. I know how you feel because there were times that I felt like I needed to cry but couldn't... I think sometimes it takes time for the emotions to come out. Talking about him may 'bring it out' as well. I was amazed when talking to my counsellor how much emotion came out when just talking about dad for 1/2 an hour.
You are probably right about my brother too. Actually I feel more positive today about it. I think seeing my stepmum was so so hard as it made me confront my loss head on (as well as hers) but perhaps it is cathartic in some way.
Take care and I am sending you a MN hug x

[NancysGarden]

thanks. There's a support thread recently started here on bereavement (although I stupidly addressed it to specific individuals on MN who were all going through the same sort of loss a few months back. It's open to everyone, just thought I'd mention if you're interested)
Keep on keeping on x