MIL expected to pass away today - I dont know what to do

[MaDuggar]

My dear MIL is expected to pass away this morning, after her battle with cancer. I just dont know what to do for my DP.

He is with her & his family at her bedside, and I am just awaiting news. How do I support my DP? Is there wrong/right things to say/do?

He is the silent type when it comes to his emotions, and doesnt usually want to express hurt or sadness, so I dont think he will want to talk. But i dont want to seem like i am ignoring this either. Please help

[elliepac]

I am sorry you are having to go through this. My DH is very much like yours and, although obviously not as close as his mum, he lost his oldest school friend to a heart attack recently. It sounds a cliche but ime all you can do is be there for him and make sure he knows that you are there for him because he is going to need your support. I would take your lead from him, if he doesn't want to talk (which he might not) just give him a big hug and take it from there. There is no right/wrong way to approach this, you've just got to support him as only you will know how to. Don't forget yourself either. Your post suggests you are close to your MIL so you will need time to grieve as well.
My thoughts are with you. xx

[StealthPolarBear]

I'm so sorry to hear this
Maybe just ask him if he wants to talk, or tell him if he does, you'll be ready to listen.

[FabulousBakerGirl]

When my Nana was dying the call came while Dh was at work. I was on the phone when he came home so he left me be and then when I had finished I just looked at him and he gave me a hug. Exactly right.

I am sorry you are going through this.

[nickschick]

Ive been in this situation myself .

All you can do is take his lead ,some people just want to drink to blur it awayt others want to talk and talk others want to get back to normal asap.

The week from the passing to the funeral is kind of no mans land your in between her going and her actually being gone iyswim.

The way it went with us was that for a long time I listened and understood his need to blur his emotions away with drink then several weeks passed and I had to say 'stop!' she wouldnt have wanted this we have to pick up the pieces and we have to get back to a normal life.

I too lost my mum and life really never is the same again- the thing is whilst you have a mum you are always her child- theres always a safe place to be a person who loves you unconditionally but when they go - you have to face real life alone as an adult.

There is never a good time to lose your mum regardless of the relationship you have.

What will surprise and possibly shock you as his wife is the 'ease' of everything and how much of a relief it can be - cancer is a terribly draining disease and sometimes towards the end it means the death is almost a blessing.

Im sorry for you and my thoughts are with you at this dreadfully difficult time xx

[MaDuggar]

Thank you for all your advice. Ill let him know im here for whatever he needs, whenever he needs it.

[drivinmecrazy]

My DH is exactly as you describe your DP. Our Dads passed away within 2 months of each other last year, his first. He barely cried or really mentioned it which I found really uncomfortable with, because I was in pieces about his Dad and knowing my Dad would be gone soon. When my Dad died I felt so guilty that I couldn't just get on with things like he had, and felt i couldn't turn to him because he wouldn't understand how I was coping, or not, with my Dads passing.
Even now i bring his Dad into the conversation when ever I speak of mine, which is often.
Very difficult when you deal with things so differently, but his whole family were strangely calm about the whole thing.

[MaDuggar]

drivinmecrazy, my DP has expressed a desire to go back to work tomorrow, which like you I find odd. But I guess this is just how he is dealing with it? Im hoping he may change his mind after she passes and allows himself a day to grieve