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Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

(985 Posts)
Deemented Sun 03-May-09 16:54:59

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

travellingwilbury Sun 03-May-09 18:27:47

What a lovely poem Dee , I have never heard it before but it rings so true with me .

A very apt title x

hazygirl Mon 04-May-09 18:16:14

dee that is so lovely and truex

shabster Mon 04-May-09 19:03:42

Hiya girls...beautiful poem and so true. xx

giraffesCantRunA10k Mon 04-May-09 19:57:11

Never got a chance to say it on the last thread but thanks TW for a lovely thread - I particularly appreciated it the other night when I was at a very low point and appreciate the kindness I have recieved so thanks.

And ty to Dee for new thread, lovely poem.

I am still feeling very low today however a lovely friend brightened my day - she asked me how I was lastnight and I confessed not very good - I was missing Rosie and feeling low. She spoke to me about Rosie and about her songs etc was so nice and she insisted we meet for a coffee today. I was apprehensive, but I went. Its so nice to be able to talk about things without the other person getting akward, if I mention Rosie our conversation still flows, its nice. Do you know what I mean? Its like shes not phased by it and shes never said any of the cliches "never mind you can have more etc" not once. Shes 22 and still at uni, love clubs and being out drinking and has no intention of children any time soon, shes such an unlikely friend for me to be able to talk to! I met her while we were training as childline councellors so perhaps its just in her nature - shes doing psychology at uni and shes going to be wonderful in that field, because at 22 she is just so lovely. Anyway sorry, just thought I would share something nice.

Just uploaded a pic on my profile of the lovely Roses my exDP got for Rosies EDD on Thur, they are beautiful.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Mon 04-May-09 21:48:20

Much love to TW and Harry for a wonderful thread, and here's to Dee and Ciaran for another xxx

Hugs Giraffe. It sounds like Dee's poem could have been written about your friend. Would you like to talk about Rosie? No problem if you don't, you're always welcome here.

shabster Tue 05-May-09 06:26:04

Good morning girls xx

travellingwilbury Tue 05-May-09 07:04:55

Good morning all x

Your friend sounds lovely Giraffe , it makes all the difference when someone isn't scared of our grief .

Olissa Tue 05-May-09 11:59:53

Hello everyone, just popping in so I have the new thread on my list... computer is having memory probs and is highly frustrating and slow to use, so haven't been around much! Hope to get it fixed soon.
Lots of love to all x

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Tue 05-May-09 15:27:43

Do you think Lighthouse has had her lo yet?!

lottiejenkins Tue 05-May-09 17:16:15

I havent seen her on FB at all so maybe!!

shabster Tue 05-May-09 22:39:02

Although this is 'stolen' from The Compassionate Friends I really know they wont mind. I think it sums up our 'precious' thread.

We need not walk alone.
We are The Compassionate Friends.
We reach out to each other with love, with understanding and with hope.
Our children have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for our children unites us.
Your pain becomes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope.
We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances.
We are a unique family because we represent many races and creeds.
We are young and we are old.
Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that we feel hopeless and see no hope.
Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength, some of us are struggling to find answers.
Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression, others radiate an inner peace.
But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our love for our children.
We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building that future together as we reach out to each other in love and share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts and help each other to grieve as well as to grow.

I appreciate each and every one of you and thank you for your support xxxxx

shabster Tue 05-May-09 23:24:42

Good night girls xx

chegirl Tue 05-May-09 23:36:08

Good night all x

Giraffe, I am glad you are feeling a little 'better' today. I wont do the hug thing (I might get evicted from MN) but you know what I mean x

shabster Wed 06-May-09 06:23:58

Morning girls xx

travellingwilbury Wed 06-May-09 06:43:47

Good morning Shabs , and all x

How you doing this morning ? Nothing much going on here today , I am trying to work myself up to sorting out the garden . It kind of looks like steptoes yard at the mo blush

Deemented Wed 06-May-09 07:42:49

G'mornin folks.

Wanna come do my backyard, after yours, TW? You'd be most welcome!

Much love to everyone x

travellingwilbury Wed 06-May-09 08:12:06

Thanks for the offer Dee but I think I might just pass grin

The garden is just full of plastic crap . I am sure that my children were always going to tidy up after themselves and only have one thing out at a time .

frasersmummy Wed 06-May-09 08:27:28

morning girls

Giraffe is lovely that you have such a special friend. Its strange how some people can handle it really well and others just really cant.

I remember going back to work 3 months after losing Fraser and my boss telling me to stop mentioning it because I was upsetting people.

I have no plans for today..though tonight I am taking brownie pack to thelocal firestation and seeing as trouble is fireman daft he is coming with me ...hmm

lottiejenkins Wed 06-May-09 10:01:36

Morning all, new pic of Wilf on my profile from last Friday night......................

travellingwilbury Wed 06-May-09 10:06:52

Fab picture Lottie grin

I had a lovely chat with him yesterday . I have got to go and listen to the Cookie monster song before I next speak to him grin

chegirl Wed 06-May-09 10:43:10

Good morning all x

Lottie I havent looked at your profile before. Your Wilf is a bit gorgeous aint he? grin. I didnt realise he was Deaf, how did I miss that. My grandparents were Deaf BSL users and I grew up with them. I was v.involved in the community up until Billie's illness. My BSL skills have lapsed horribly but I am beginning to refresh them.My lovely Nan was so proud that I could sign.

I hope you are all ok today. I am off to chat to someone who is going to help me with DS2. We are moving towards a statement and more info on his possible condition/extent of learning difficulties.

Another normal day then .

Oh can I have my moment of smugness? I DID my garden two weeks ago. I transformed it with about a ton of gravel, some artfully placed paving stones, a playhouse (painted pink so ner) and lots of rubber mulch (DS's allergies prevent the use of bark). I looks luverly and I am getting all excited about gardening again.

speak soon.

travellingwilbury Wed 06-May-09 11:07:53

Maybe you could come round to mine and show me how it's done chegirl ?

I would provide wine grin and I am very good at supervising

chegirl Wed 06-May-09 11:35:29

If you provided wine you would have to do more than supervise grin

It took 3 days and a rake! I have to warn you I DID manage to give myself heatstroke on the last evening. What a twit. I have now bought a cowboy hat to prevent further embarrassment.

travellingwilbury Wed 06-May-09 12:27:09

I can see how a cowboy hat would do that wink

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