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Article in Times today

(21 Posts)
yoyo Tue 26-Apr-05 11:00:48

There is an artcle written by Andrew Don in today's T2 about the loss of his daughter as a result of his wife developing pre-eclampsia. The treatment his wife received at the hospital was appalling.

He has written a book to be published by SANDS later this month.

Would someone please do a link to the article?

Thanks

yoyo Tue 26-Apr-05 11:40:20

Bumping before it drops off the page. Can anyone help with a link (I will get DH to show me how to do one this week)?

RTKangaMummy Tue 26-Apr-05 11:50:55

what is the title of article


exactly word for word

is it deffo DON not done?

beachyhead Tue 26-Apr-05 11:58:22

An inner voice told me that Liz would die in their care by Andrew Don.

Very, very sad - made me cry on the train, as I am 22 weeks pg and pre-eclampsia likely - made me rethink my birth plan to read......

If any problems, deliver the baby - I am an important person to my children and DH.

Does anyone know what hospital it was?

Clayhead Tue 26-Apr-05 12:00:19

link

Marina Tue 26-Apr-05 12:01:13

West London somewhere. I found the article RTKM but can't seem to find a linkable URL for it. It promotes his book Fathers Feel Too, and name-checks SANDS who are publishing it of course.
Andrew and Liz went on to adopt two lovely children, apparently.

Marina Tue 26-Apr-05 12:01:39

Clayhead you clever thing

Toothache Tue 26-Apr-05 12:07:47

bundle Tue 26-Apr-05 12:09:24

beachy, have you had it before? met a lovely research midwife from st thomas's recently, they're looking into vitamins c&e as possible way of reducing risk of p/e

Donbean Tue 26-Apr-05 12:12:07

Im ashamed to say that i was caught in this mind set of comforting the mother and i will regret it forever.
A friend had a baby boy in November and he died a couple of hours after birth. After an emergency c/s the mother was groggy so dad was the first to hold his son and cuddled him. Finally went home to be called back by a police message and told that the baby had died.
We met up with the couple for Sunday lunch in January and i hugged her, asked her about the bereavement counselling (which she sent away after 2 weeks because she felt ok).
I didnt hug him, ask him if the counselling was any help to him. In fact i didnt even talk to him about it.
I have a guilty sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time i think of his face.
Obviously there is much much more to the story, its just awful awful awful.

PsychoFlame Tue 26-Apr-05 12:19:13

I'll never forget being sent this after friends lost their child. They wouldn't let anyone speak to them about it, and all I wanted to do was go and hold him (know him better).

A Father's Grief
Author unknown

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

jangus Tue 26-Apr-05 16:00:42

Was just going to post about the article but you all got there before me... I never get to read my paper 'til late.
My husband, when things get a bit much, lets off steam. Very often he says that he is forgotten about, everyone looks to me and asks how I am, but he is left to one side and then told to look after me. When he says these things I do feel guilty. But, I am still not in a position to comfort him. I am upset all the time and usually he comforts me. But when he shows his true feelings and is upset I just totally fall to pieces because I don't have enough energy to carry his pain as well... our relationship at the minute is very one sided, even though I know that his pain is as great as mine.
We are lucky to be as strong as we are, and that he is as good as he is.
This is a bit of a ramble.
jangus x

beachyhead Tue 26-Apr-05 16:07:10

Thanks bundle - I am on the vits c and e and the high dose folic acid and the mini aspirin.......and the 4 weekly scans and the 2 weekly blood pressure checks......so I really can't complain about the care I am getting....still scares me s**tless though and makes me cry when I read these things.....

Thanks for thinking of me.

bundle Wed 27-Apr-05 10:17:05

oh beachy, lots of love, xxxxxxxxxx

bubble99 Wed 27-Apr-05 12:25:48

I was taken into theatre for an epidural and Csection as an emergency case. In the end (and only because I told the anaesthetist to do so) the epidural attempts were abandoned and I was given a general. One of my twins survived after being in distress for eight hours but the other died at some point after I was given the general. Mr Bubble was left sitting outside the theatre in his theatre greens. He was told that he would be allowed in once the epidural was sited but when things went wrong and I was given a general no one went out to let him know what was happening. I appreciate that this was an emergency situation but there were 22 staff in theatre at one point and surely one of them could have spoken to him. He was just left there for over an hour watching doctors and midwives charging into theatre. At this point, he told me later, he thought that I was dying and he sat there crying and listening out for two babies cries. He only heard one and was eventually brought into theatre to see his dead son connected to tubes etc. He asked them to stop attempting resus after half an hour. That image will stay with him for the rest of his life. I was watching ER recently and he asked me to turn it off as there was a scene where the medics were trying to resus a child and the mother was waiting outside of the room praying and crying.

In the aftermath the MW's were very sensitive towards him as well as me, can't fault them on that. I think people (wrongly) assume that because a woman carries a baby she is closer to it. My DH was so stoic and looked after our elder boys beautifully when I was in hospital, but when he came to see Elijah and I he would break down. I remember one afternoon when he came in I noticed his shirt was grubby.I commented on this but when I looked up at his face he had tears in his eyes. In that moment I had never loved him more.

FIMAC1 Wed 27-Apr-05 12:49:00

beacyhead

I can sort of symathise with you as I had it severely with both pgs, the orginisation APEC (Action against Pre-Eclampsia) has a good website with lots of info with pocs in your area, & listings of Consultants would specializes in PE. There is something on their website which mentions weekly bp checks if you have had it before (and urine too I think). Good luck and hope you get the best care possible

FIMAC1 Wed 27-Apr-05 12:57:28

Action on Pre-eclampsia

84-88 Pinner Road,
Middlesex, HA1 4HZ

Tel: 020 8863 3271
Fax: 020 8424 0653
e-mail: enquiries@apec.org.uk
Helpline: 020 8427 4217 (weekdays 10am - 1pm)

hub2dee Wed 27-Apr-05 13:58:41

bub X

beachyhead Wed 27-Apr-05 14:08:52

Thanks FIMAC - am a member of APEC and am under Professor Andy Shennan at Tommy's - he seems to be Mr Pre-eclampsia, so thanks for your thoughts - I really am getting great care this time and the p/e IS NOT GOING TO GET ME.....

I had a long chat to dh about this thread last night and about the article and about how he had to take responsibility for me and the baby if I got sick......so I think he understands how strongly I feel about it.......

I also spoke to him about how he felt when I was ill before and somehow that role as a protector and guardian gave him a real purpose at that time - I know we were hugely lucky and my heart goes out to all those who have not been so lucky, but you are so right, the dh feel these things sometimes even more than we do, as they feel so helpless and are normally not kept as well informed.....

bundle Wed 27-Apr-05 14:55:43

beachy, shennan has great reputation, at the moment i'm trying to get hold of his boss, susan bewley (for one of my programmes) whose equally wonderful you are in such good hands.

FIMAC1 Wed 27-Apr-05 18:57:16

Beachyhead

Oh, pleased that you are getting the best possible care, fingers crossed and I am sure it will all be OK, you are in good hands

Have they said about further pgs to you? They told me with ds (admitted at 28 wks on bedrest) not to have any more - not that we had planned for more than 2 anyway...

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