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I need to get pregnant again. Too soon??? Advice please

(25 Posts)
cp3 Mon 25-Apr-05 16:05:29

I woke up this morning with an incredible urge to get pregnant again as soon as possible. Its only been two weeks since i miscarried.

Is this a normal grieving process or should we just go for it.

I do want to try again but i didnt expect to want to so soon though.

Any thoughts or experiences would be much appreciated. Many Thanks

sweetheart Mon 25-Apr-05 16:08:45

cp3 - you'll go through a whole range of emotions and none of them are "unnormal".

I miscarried in January and was desperate to get pregnant as quickly as possible (dispite being told not to by the hospital).

I fell pregnant in March and although we are really pleased I have had moments where I've thought it's too soon. I'm still grieving for the baby we lost and the pregnancy hormones mean that some days I just want to sit and cry non stop.

I can't tell you what to do as only you know what is best, and at the end of the day I am glad to be pregnant - it's just tough sometimes!!!

Toothache Mon 25-Apr-05 16:10:21

I'm sure that if your body and mind are telling you it's okay to try again then you should go for it. I don't really have any experience though, I had a mc when I was 16, but I didn't even know I was pregnant and it was very very early on.

FLUM Mon 25-Apr-05 16:10:34

if no health reasons not to why not leave it to mother nature to decide.

you will probably have days you want to cry all day any way

Marina Mon 25-Apr-05 16:11:08

I started charting the day of my first period after Tom was stillborn. I had to do something, so I know that feeling.
All I would say is, if you possibly can, think ahead to how you will cope with the worries of pregnancy after your miscarriage. We found it so hard when I got pregnant again, especially as our timing meant dd was due about the time of the first anniversary of Tom's birth.
cp3, I've got a couple of books (both American and one much better than the other, but still worth a look) about getting pregnant again after miscarriage or birth. I don't need them anymore and would love them to go to someone who might find them helpful. CAT me if you want them, as a gift, of course. XXX

logic Mon 25-Apr-05 16:11:10

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I had an early m/c and was desperate to get pregnant again straight away just like you. We waited until I got my next proper period which was 6 weeks later and then started ttc. I was pregnant 2 weeks after that!! We now have a lovely 2 year old ds and I'm really glad that we just went for it. Good luck with whatever you decide anyway...

Thomcat Mon 25-Apr-05 16:14:30

Oh sweetheart, so sorry to hear about your m/c.
My only 'advice' would be to follow your heart. if you need a bit of time to get your head straight take it, if you need to crack on ttc, crack on. Whatever you decide hope it happens quickly for you both. Lots of love TC x

Spacecadet Mon 25-Apr-05 16:40:39

cp3, i think its normal, I lost my baby at 16 weeks amonth ago now and I have suddenly just felt that desire to fall preg again, I have already had af, 1.5 weeks ago and find myself thinking that as soon as I can be sure im regular again, I may start trying, even dh admitted last night that he wants to try again, but we know that now is too soon and I need to make sure my menieres meds arent going to causea prob, i think this is all part of the process cp3 but you need to grieve properly before falling preg again.

cp3 Mon 25-Apr-05 18:13:06

Marina thats so sweet of you, id love to borrow them. I will cat you my details later.

My mood everyday changes. Today i am postive and very much like Marina i feel the need to do something. Ive had conflicting advice fro Docs etc. The Docs say leave it a few months and the nurses say i could fall straight away if i wanted.

It will be so so scary i will be on tenderhooks for many weeks but that would be the same wehther i fell pregnant now or in 6 months time.

My heart is saying what it was saying 12 weeks ago and that is that i desperatly want another child. I wont ever forget the one i lost and the next one wont replace her/him.

bubble99 Mon 25-Apr-05 18:58:32

I totally understand your need cp3. One of my twin boys died during labour 9 weeks ago and I'm desperate to conceive again. Although your baby can never be replaced there is, I think a natural urge to become pregnant and to experience the hope that a new life can bring.

charleepeters Mon 25-Apr-05 19:09:20

cp3 i know how you feel after i miscarriaged i wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible and luckily it only took a couple of months, when i did fall pregnant again i was always scared of going to the tolilet in case i was bleeding but i think everybady who has experienced a mc does but if you and your partner want to go for it then do, it wont replace your lost baby but you will love another just as much good luck whatever you decide x

rodeo1 Mon 25-Apr-05 19:18:05

Hi cp3,

Sorry to have lost you from our Nov thread. I lost my 1st baby at 26 weeks and was desparate to get pg again, which I did about 9 months later. I could barely look at babies or pregnant ladies without feeling awfully jealous.

Just through talking to my friends, I realised that a whole lot of them had lost babies in some way but got pg again within a year, not to replace the lost babies, but women have an incredible urge to be a mother, or a mother again.

I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do but it's what we all did, and I as one of them am glad I did it.

Love to you all x x x

Nemo1977 Mon 25-Apr-05 19:39:35

cp3 we started ttc straight away after our last mc in dec. With my first 2 mcs i waited a year or so in between. Like sweetheart i too have fallen pg again quite quickly...think it was in 3rd month...i dont think there is any reason to wait if u feel ready...hospitals usually ask u to wait just to help with dating etc.

berolina Mon 25-Apr-05 20:14:26

cp3 so verysorry about your m/c.

I miscarried my first pregnancy last July, early and complete m/c. 2 weeks later I was arguing with dh one morning before going to work - I might be ovulating already and we must must try NOW. I was absolutely desperate to get pregnant again. I did, in the third cycle after my m/c, and am now nearly 35 weeks. However, when I got that second BFP my reaction was anything but euphoric - I was quite simply scared, scared, scared. I almost wished we hadn't ttc again because I just didn't know how I'd cope if I miscarried again. I was horribly anxious until about 24 weeks and even now I can't really believe this baby is going to make it out of me alive. I think what I'm trying to say is that ttc and pregnancy after m/c is an emotional rollercoaster which can produce the most surprising and strange-seeming feelings. I am so glad we tried again immediately and almost think my body 'protected' me from getting pg for those first two cycles because if I had I would have been even more of a wreck. I agree with TC - follow your heart. Sadly, whatever course you choose to take won't be easy at first. I wish you all the very best. xxx

cp3 Mon 25-Apr-05 20:18:55

Rodeo youve hit the nail on the head. Its not a desperate need to get pregnant ists an urge to mother again. I saw a lady breastfeeding and i was overwhelmed with the pain that shoot through me. Only another baby will fix this but your right, it wont ever replace the one i lost.

Im so pleased you are doing well Berolina, it must have been and still is a very anxious time for you. Good Luck with everything and i look forward to your birth announcement.

cp3 Mon 25-Apr-05 20:19:13

Shot!!

Hulababy Mon 25-Apr-05 20:31:12

When I had my mc I also felt that I want to get pg again straight away, and we didn't ever actually stop trying in that time. My emotions were all over for a while though, and I was wanting to be og but scared of getting pg all at the same time. Just do whatever feels right for you.

Spacecadet Mon 25-Apr-05 21:10:46

i hope this thread has helped in some way cp3, I lost my first baby at 26 weeks and became preg almost straight away, he was stillborn in aug, I had one period then I had a bfp in oct!! it was a shock and a half but I just deperately wanted to be preg again, i had a very anxious preg andwas a bit of a basket case by the end, but dd is now a stroppy(but healthy) 13.5 year old. i desperately want to become preg again after my recent misscarriage even though the preg was unplanned, its like an ache, eating away at you, but im too scared to try again and am worried that people will think im irresonsible because i already have 4.

cp3 Mon 25-Apr-05 21:21:27

Its a bag of mixed confusing emotions isnt it. But for starters what other pople think doesnt matter. I have three and i know people dismiss my miscarriage because of this. Hardly anyone has acknowledged my lost baby and it hurts deeply. Along with the anger and the sadness im feeling at the momemt i consider myself a bit of a basket case too.

Im so sorry about your lost baby.And pleased you have gone on to have healthy children. To have another child is only a choice you can make, but please worry about yourself not others!!!!!!

Spacecadet Mon 25-Apr-05 21:31:17

im quite confused baby number 4 was born last july andwe were all done and dusted and very chuffed with our little family, then in dec found out i was preg, complete accident but dh was ok about it and we fell in love with new baby, were making plans, double buggies etc, then lost baby at 16 weeks, now everyone is saying, oh but you have 4, or but it was a mistake so surely this loss was a blessing in disguise, i worry that if i actually ttc then people will think im mad, but i feel so low, have got rid of loads of ems stuff, telling mysel i wont need it again, but i want to be using it again....

cp3 Mon 25-Apr-05 21:40:19

Some people can be so tactless, i dont think they mean to. They just DONT THINK.

Is your Husband very supportive? What does he think? Have a good chat tonight if possible. Its been said to me so ill pass on to you. You know in your heart what you want. You only live once so dont live a life of regrets.

Im going to bed as im quite tired and tearfull as it seems alot of people are having such a rotton time and my hormones are not settled yet, but ill catch up with you tomorrow. Take care xxxx

mrsdarcy Mon 25-Apr-05 21:57:49

I'm very sorry about your miscarriage cp3. cp3 and spacecadet - I think it's a very natural feeling, to want to conceive after losing a baby. You have all of that love ready to give to a new baby and no longer have the outlet for it you thought you would have. Also, your dreams about the size of family you would like are very personal: just become one couple might think 3 or 4 is quite big enough, that doesn't mean your dreams are the same as theirs. I think there is also the feeling, for me at least, that I would love my last experience of pregnancy to be a positive and successful one. Really very sorry you are both feeling sad, cp3 and sc.

Spacecadet Mon 25-Apr-05 22:24:10

yes hormones still surging round me too, sleep well cp3, mrsdarcy thankyou for your kind words, I know exactly what you mean about memories of preg, i dont want to be left with the last memeory of being preg being an awaful, sad one, there is a yawning chasm at the mo, dh was initially shocked about last baby but came round to the idea, now he has admitted that he cant put the lid on it as it were and wanders if we can try again, perhaps when our house move is out of the way etc, i want to get preg now but know i must be patient.

cp3 Wed 27-Apr-05 17:11:13

Space cadet. Me and you are going to move on over to the ttcing thread. We know we want and we musnt dwell.

Posotive thoughts. [Grin] Youve been told!!!!

Spacecadet Wed 27-Apr-05 17:30:53

see you over there!

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