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Nine weeks later and it hit me today as if it were yesterday.

(16 Posts)
bubble99 Thu 21-Apr-05 22:53:47

I've been so moved by the posts I've read here over recent days. My little boy Bo would have been nine weeks old today, along with his surviving twin Elijah.

I was making a vague attempt earlier to sort out a pile of clothes which seem to have taken root in our bedroom. I found a pair of very stretched maternity trousers that I practically lived in at the end of my pregnancy. I remember being aware of the fact that the twin I could feel kicking was Bo. Elijah was underneath his brother and buried down into my pelvis. I remember feeling Bo's little feet kicking and me holding and rubbing them. It hit me this afternoon that he was alive then and could feel me touching him and that I never got to do that after he was born. It doesn't get easier. Time moves you away from the awfulness of what's happened but sometimes, and with an alarming force, you can be thrown back and it feels as raw as it did when it first happened.

misdee Thu 21-Apr-05 22:54:45

moondog Thu 21-Apr-05 22:55:38

PuffTheMagicDragon Thu 21-Apr-05 22:58:34

bubble

HRHDuchessofPeahead Thu 21-Apr-05 22:59:07

oh bubble. xxx

Flossam Thu 21-Apr-05 22:59:07

Bubble, I'm on here moaning but I am so blessed, I don't really have any porblems at all. You are doing so so well, please keep posting here so we can all help in some way to look after you. Elijah and your other child are so lucky to have such a wonderful mummy. I still think of you often.x

psychomum5 Thu 21-Apr-05 23:00:36

No words can help your pain, but many many hugs are sent.xxxxxxxxxxxx

Libb Thu 21-Apr-05 23:00:58

Thinking of you bubble99, time will heal but sadly you have ride out the down dips until one day you don't feel so raw. Words are never enough at times like this so all I can offer is virtual love and hugs.

Give yourself all the time you need, and allow yourself proper mourning time because it can soothe even when it doesn't feel like it

My friend went through the exact same thing, if she is willing I could arrange contact if you think it would help? xxxxx

Take care xxxxxx

Frizbe Thu 21-Apr-05 23:01:50

{{{{HUGS}}}}

soapbox Thu 21-Apr-05 23:04:27

Bubble

I think the only comfort you can take is that from having his little feet rubbed by his much loved mummy, in his all too short time with you, he knew and physically felt how loved and wanted he was.


I can only imagine how gutwrenchingly awful it must be for you and your family

Spacecadet Thu 21-Apr-05 23:06:28

oh bubble I have a lump in my throat reading your post, as I said to jangus, the pain never goes, you jsu learn to live with it, strangely enough I finally cracked over sams death 11 years later after ds2 was born, I went into meltdown im afraid and had to have lots of therapy, i finally laid him to rest as it were, but even now, I think, god he would have been 15 in november, I wonder what he would have looked like?? etc what subjects would he have chosen in year 10, silly things really, and thats 15 years ago since he died so of course its still going to be so damn painful for you and you have the enquiry to go through too. I think looking at maternity clothes can be very poignent when you have had a still born baby as they remind you of the time when your baby was alive. Im just to sad and angry that you are having to go through this, sending you hugs{{{hugs}}}, my words are fruitless really, as I said to jangus, I cant make the pain go away or make it any less bearable, but I wish I could, I know how I felt when I lost sam and my other 3 babies and I wouldnt wish this misery on my worst enemy

80sMum Thu 21-Apr-05 23:17:14

Oh Bubble, I don't know you, but I often find you're in my thoughts. I feel so sad when I think of what you must be going through. (I lost one-day-old twins 23 years ago).

Life(and death) can be so cruel. Those lovely memories of Bo kicking you are all you have of him and that's just the saddest thing for a mother to have to bear. I feel for you so much.

Hang in there. Take it one step at a time. It's still such very early days for you. Nine weeks is simply no time at all.

Very slowly, you will gradually come to terms with your terrible loss. Of course you will never ever forget Bo and you'll never stop loving him or missing him, but slowly your life will take shape again and you will be happy again. It may seem impossible now, but as time passes the hurt will gradually ease and the pain be more bearable.

Don't be afraid of leaving Bo behind if your life moves on. You'll never go anywhere without him; he'll be there too; you'll carry him with you always, in your heart.

pixiefish Thu 21-Apr-05 23:21:58

biglips Thu 21-Apr-05 23:22:12

bubble - here is my hug vibes to you especially {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{vibes}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

bossykate Thu 21-Apr-05 23:23:26

puddle Thu 21-Apr-05 23:29:03

I'm so sorry Bubble. What a sweet and precious memory. There will be a time when it brings you more comfort than grief. It's a long journey, but you will get there. xx

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