Advice on helping my mum - a death with no closure

[Flamesparrow]

We found out through rumours that one of our old foster placements may have died.

It all sounded really weird and wrong, so we started to believe that he had just gotten himself in a load of trouble and decided to "die" and start again.

Yesterday mum got a call from his mum - it is all true

There is no funeral to go to - it all happened abroad, the boy's own mum didn't get to bury her son.

Mum is just left with this feeling of a death but no way to say goodbye. She is worrying about not having done enough to help him over the years.

How can I help???

[lottiejenkins]

Is there some way you can have a private service to remember him? Could you plant a rose bush or a plant? I am sorry for your Mums loss.

[onadietcokebreak]

Does your mum and his mum have much contact?

Maybe your mum and his mum could meet to remember him? Maybe will help them both?

Otherwise maybe a day visiting one of his favourite places whilst he was in your mums foster care with the people involved in his life at the time so your Mum can remember the good times they shared would help.

So sorry to hear about his death. Sucide is such a difficult bereavement to cope with.

[Flamesparrow]

Oh, sorry - I was a bit too vague there, it wasn't suicide. We were thinking he had decided to spread rumours of his death to start again, but they weren't rumours. He went abroad and died suddenly there iyswim.

Planting something sounds good.

His mum barely spoke to mine, mum was stunned when she got the call - his mum had just had his stuff sent back and mum's number was in it.

[Notquitegrownup]

How sad

Some people find these dragonflypins helpful. It's a good website too - maybe your mum would find some of the readings helpful, and as onadietcoke suggests a trip to one of his favourite places (especially if you could take some flowers) could be a good way to say goodbye.

[Flower3545]

I'm so sorry Flamesparrow, I can empathise with your mum We had a call a year or so back from the adoptive dad of one of our very early placements.
She had gone to bed one night and never woke up.
No reason other than adult cot death could be found. She was 19 years old

Planting something sounds like a good idea.