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Lost our little girl... why???

(283 Posts)
jangus Sat 09-Apr-05 11:12:27

I'm new to this. On the 14th March I went in to be induced at 9days over, they told me I was the least favourable to go into labour out of the three of us that arrived and I was given a pessary. After an hour they put a monitor and after a while noticed blips with the baby’s heartbeat and I was having regular contractions. I stayed on the monitor for a couple of hours and was then moved through to the labour ward. When I got there they decided that because I was not dilated at all and they couldn’t break my waters I would have to go for a section, so I was prepped. I was given an inhaler to stop the contractions and then a doctor came said that he would leave us for another hour and see if things settled down. he came back said things looked better and I was taken back to the other ward. I was left from about 10pm that night and no one looked near me until 10am the next morning because the doc on duty was called to theatre. When I was put on the monitor the baby’s heart rate was sitting around 150 (the previous day it was 140). I was examined at about 11.45am and told that nothing had changed but there were still dips in the baby’s heartbeat all morning. At 12.10 I was told that I was going through to the labour ward and told to phone my husband. At 12.30 there were a couple of big dips and my notes were taken to the doc and he sent back word that I would have a section at 2pm. At 1pm there was a big dip and the doc was sent for, he came in, looked at the scan and said that the section would still be a 2pm as the baby had recovered from the dip. At 1.31pm her little heart stopped. They said sorry and we are left totally devastated and lost without her..... How can we recover from this?

Nemo1977 Sat 09-Apr-05 11:18:03

aww hun words are not enough and i dont know what to say as an sorry this has happened to you and thinking of u and your dh. Huge hugs

helsy Sat 09-Apr-05 11:21:05

I am so sorry. There are people on here who have suffered loss like yours and I hope they can say something that might help. My thoughts are with you.

KristinaM Sat 09-Apr-05 11:23:03

I'm so sorry...I can't answer your question about how to get over this because I've not been through it. But there are lots of others here who will be able to give you advice and support. Please stay around, it will just take a few hours or even a day or so for the right people to see your post.

biglips Sat 09-Apr-05 11:24:14

im so sorry that this had happened to you.... sorry cant give you any helps but others will help you on here (((((hugs)))) and welcome

jangly Sat 09-Apr-05 11:24:52

I am so, so sorry. There are people on here who may be able to help you more. Love to you.

hunkermunker Sat 09-Apr-05 11:25:28

I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry. I would echo KristinaM and say that there will be people who can help you but they might not see this post immediately. My heart goes out to you and your husband

anchovies Sat 09-Apr-05 11:26:21

I am so sorry to hear what happened to your little girl. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. As other have said there are people who have suffered similar tragic losses on here who will be able to help. Thinking of you xxx


jangus Sat 09-Apr-05 11:27:54

Thank you, I know that there are no magic words to make us feel any better... but it is comforting to hear that other people have been through such tragic events and have somehow survived.

Bouj Sat 09-Apr-05 11:38:30

I am deeply sorry Jangus. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel, but my prayers are with you. What is her name? I would love to hear about her. My deepest symapthy.

Gobbledigook Sat 09-Apr-05 11:42:37

I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through but there are some people on here who can and I'm sure they will be along to talk to soon.

Love to you

jangus Sat 09-Apr-05 11:45:25

Thanks Bouj... I'm delighted to tell you about her. Her name was Lilli-Mae Christina, she was 6lbs 15ozs, had really firey red hair and was absolutely perfect even with the cutest dimple on her chin. We had a miscarriage at 8weeks 2 years ago and were devastated and Lille-Mae is our only other child, so we are a bit clueless to what averages etc are... but she was 56.5cm long, was very slim and had really long feet!

Chandra Sat 09-Apr-05 11:48:16

I'm so sorry to hear that Jangus, don't really know what to say but send you a very big hug to you and your family. I'm sure that someone who could be of more help should come around this thread soon.


WideWebWitch Sat 09-Apr-05 11:49:20

Oh I'm so, so sorry Jangus.

spagblog Sat 09-Apr-05 11:49:35

Oh, poor you and your husband, Lilli Mae is a beautiful name.
I can't offer anything but sympathy xxx

Bouj Sat 09-Apr-05 11:51:06

She sounds divine. And an absolutely gorgeous name. My son was long and slim with a mop of red hair. may explain his wild temper! I hope that you find comfort in talking about her. She is still your daughter, and you have every right to be so proud of her.

BROWNY Sat 09-Apr-05 11:57:17

Oh my poor love, I can't imagine what you and your husband are going through, I'm so very, very sorry that you've lost your beautiful little girl (I love her name).

Has anyone given you any explanations about what happened? I hope someone reads your thread and can truly help you both [[hugs]]

macwoozy Sat 09-Apr-05 12:00:03

How very sad. I'm really sorry for you jangus.

RnB Sat 09-Apr-05 12:00:48

Message withdrawn

jangus Sat 09-Apr-05 12:04:36

I had to go for a c-section later that afternoon as it turns out I can't give birth naturally... or so they said at the time. When she was delivered the doc said that the cord had been around her neck twice and once under her arm. This meant that when I took the reaction to the pessary, the contractions it gave me pushed her down and made her uncomfortable(she had never engaged or moved down at all, but that wasn't questioned at my checkups) .
People have said that I should be pleased she was perfect but that just makes me think even more that there is no good reason to why she isn't with us... I keep thinking that if they had given me the section when they said they were going to on the Monday night, we wouldn't be utterly heartbroken, empty and lost now.

Beetroot Sat 09-Apr-05 12:09:29

Message withdrawn

deegward Sat 09-Apr-05 12:09:29

jangus, so sorry to hear your news, but she sounds absolutely beautiful. just to let you know you are in our thoughts

JanH Sat 09-Apr-05 12:14:03

jangus, I am very sad for you - Lilli-Mae sounds so lovely.

BROWNY Sat 09-Apr-05 12:15:45

Jangus, have the hospital said why they didn't act on the signs you told us? Why didn't they know you wouldn't be able to deliver naturally? After so many dips to her heart rate, why didn't they take action?

My first daughter was born by emergency c.section when her heart rate dipped and was slow to recover, she was born purple, with the cord around her body and neck twice, so I nearly lost her.

I truly hope you can get all the support, love and care you need to help you both at your sad time. x

jangus Sat 09-Apr-05 12:21:27

The Doc just said he was sorry and that they hadn't realised she was as distressed as she was. And they said that what normally happens is that the heart rate drops and stays dropped but Lilli-Maes just stopped. So, that's it. And the thing is, I went into hospital and even though all these things were happening and although i was anxious.... i never opened my mouth... not when the heart monitor stopped the reading, not even when they had the scanner in and i could see that nothing was moving I still never opened my mouth, and if they had waited in silence for an eternity I still wouldn't open my mouth because i didn't want them to tell me anything bad.

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