not sure really...

(10 Posts)
akhems Mon 26-Jan-09 17:43:00

I've just heard that my father has died. I have no idea of the when or where other than that it's somewhere in London and fairly recent (last month or two). As far as I know I'm his only child and therefore I'm guessing next of kin... how do I find out where he is/funeral etc? I don't know his date of birth, only his name and my mum doesn't remember. I do have my birth cert which has him on it. I don't want to question my mum too much because it's quite a difficult issue for her.

I'd had no contact with him since I was 8 years old but it was always at the back of my mind that someday I'd track him down, of course that option is gone now. I'd like at least to see where he lived, to get a sense of the essence of who he was and I feel sort of teary but not quite and it's all very odd.

Any ideas where I could start looking to find him please? and can someone tell me how I'm supposed to feel cos I really don't know, I keep tearing up but then it goes away again and I just feel sort of adrift somehow.

OP’s posts: |
mrsdisorganised Mon 26-Jan-09 18:37:55

Bumping for you!

queenrollo Mon 26-Jan-09 18:46:40


how did you hear?

i'm not surprised you don't know how to feel. I suppose you think you ought to feel some grief but then you never really knew him.

(not the same because my dad is alive, i met him for the first time last november but i often wondered how i would feel if i found out he was dead. would it affect me emotionally or not)

hope you can get some answers

akhems Mon 26-Jan-09 18:48:11

thank you mrsdisorganised

OP’s posts: |
akhems Mon 26-Jan-09 19:00:50

queenrollo.. i bumped into an old family friend today who had heard it somewhere along the grapevine..

right now i feel as tho the stuffing has been knockd out of me.

OP’s posts: |
cathcat Mon 26-Jan-09 19:05:03

I am sure that a Registars who be able to help you find where the death was registered, when it was and give you an address. Funeral directors might be the other option but I'm not sure how you would narrow your search other than pick the ones closest to where he lived. Wishing you lots of luck.

queenrollo Mon 26-Jan-09 19:13:31

can the old family friend not give you some idea of the area he lived in, or any other contacts that may be able to help?
If it's come 'through the grapevine' then someone must be able to give you some clues to work from.

peggotty Mon 26-Jan-09 19:22:32

akhems, my father died a few years ago and I'd had very very little contact with him since being 2 (he was abusive to my mum and oldest sister), but we heard he had cancer and was dying so I went to visit him. It was strange meeting, there was no outright talking about the fact he was in fact going to die (although he knew he was) and it all felt weird because he was all but a stranger. at his funeral I did get very upset and I don't really know why. I think it was a combination of the sad life he'd made for himself ending the way it did and the fact I was mourning the dad I never had. Just because you didn't know him or there may be some unpleasant history doesn't mean you should not be allowed to be upset or mourn.

akhems Mon 26-Jan-09 20:03:15

hiya.. yep I think I'm sort of mourning for the fact that I'll now never have any sort of relationship with him.

my dad was also very abusive, alcoholic, gambler and womaniser. not really someone i'd normally want to associate with but i wanted the chance to talk to him someday.

I don't have any contact details for the family friend, in fact i dont think they have any as he is a step away from being a tramp/ no way to contact him unless he keeps his promise and comes to my house when he has more info.

I do have some memories of him, I think i was about 8 the last time we saw him and we moved house then.. my mum told him we were moving to a different town than the one we actually moved to, i think for safety rather than to be mean.

I'm going to ring the hospital near whre he lived tomorrow and go from there I think.

thanks all x

OP’s posts: |
ChampagneDahling Thu 29-Jan-09 10:07:00

bumping for you.

try contacting a registry office and ask them what they advise and citizens advice bureau too

found this site but don't know how good it is

good luck

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