Cole's thread for bereaved muumies: like the sands on the beach that never wash away. I watch over my surviving mum, who thinks of me each day.

(1001 Posts)
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 08-Jan-09 09:41:23

Welcome to our santuary and haven ladies.

Many thanks for Frasersmummy for passing the baton onto Cole and I. I am touched and hope I can do all our lo's justice.

For any people wanting to join, don't be shy. We cry, we rant, we smile, we laugh - whatever we feel like we need to do.

OP’s posts: |
lottiejenkins Thu 08-Jan-09 09:46:08

Am glad to se another thread for us Mummies........i love the title xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 08-Jan-09 10:03:26

Thanks Lottie, I got inspiration from a poem Shabs posted.

OP’s posts: |
shabster Thu 08-Jan-09 10:09:25

Awwwwwww Move it - I am very touched - just had a small cry. I love that poem but over the 5 years or so that I have been reading it I have never read it without sobbing. Oh my word - this thread has to be the most supportive and comforting thread to have ever been on Mumsnet.


ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 08-Jan-09 10:22:57

It would be an even better thread if I could spell mummies correctly - doah blush

OP’s posts: |
shabster Thu 08-Jan-09 10:24:54

Dont fret over little things like that love......I only noticed when you mentioned it smile

everlong Thu 08-Jan-09 10:37:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

travellingwilbury Thu 08-Jan-09 10:44:33

Good morning all

Great title and I didn't notice the spelling either until you mentioned it

I am glad you have contacted Compassionate Friends Everlong , I only ever used the site but I found it a brilliant support .

So how are we all this morning ?

shabster Thu 08-Jan-09 10:51:37

Well done Everlong - the group meeting I am sure will help you - you will probably sob at first - I know I did - but you are with people who know what you mean - kind of like our thread in real life!!!

This is the exact path I took after Gareth died and from those steps I met my RL and MN friend Triplets. When you are ready please ring the contact - it is so helpful.

Well done you - I am so proud of you xxx

shabster Thu 08-Jan-09 10:58:10

The Compassionate Friends Creed

We need not walk alone

We are the Compassionate Friends

We reach out to each other with love, with understanding and with hope

Our children have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for our children unites us

Your pain becomes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope

We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances

We are a unique family because we represent many races and creeds

We are young and we are old

Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that we feel hopeless and see no hope

Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength; some of us are struggling to find answers

Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression; others radiate an inner peace

But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our love for our children

We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building that future together as we reach out to each other in love and share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts and help each other to grieve as well as to grow.

Kind of like 'our thread' I reckon. xxxx

travellingwilbury Thu 08-Jan-09 15:43:03

Oh Bugger sad

I have just picked up my ds from school and when we were walking home he started asking me why Harry died and why couldn't I just give him some medicine .
They have chickens at the school and one of them has died so he has been talking about Harry today to one of the teachers .

I am a bit pissed off that they didn't tell me and also really sad that my nearly 5 yr old has to even know about this shit .

You just never know when it will bite you on the arse do you ?

lottiejenkins Thu 08-Jan-09 16:00:10

So sorry TW,,,,,,,Wilfred asked me lots of questions about Jack at Christmas..... I had a slight panic at lunchtime when i was tidying for the carpetman.......I picked up Wilfs beanbag off the bare floor and it was soaking wet!! I am terrified by any water on the floor now. My lovely Mr Builder was there within the hour and tried an experiment... we{he} tied a piece of kitchentowel round the top of the pipe and we turned the heating on........sure enough the paper soaked up water and we(he) found out that then pipe was leaking! PHEW!!! A nice simple pipe tightening was in order!!

travellingwilbury Thu 08-Jan-09 16:07:13

Thanks Lottie , Jamie went through a lot of questions in the summer which was really hard , I just wish the teachers had a chat with me .

I am really pleased you don't have any major water worries , that must have been a horrible feeling when you spotted it .

everlong Thu 08-Jan-09 16:12:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

travellingwilbury Thu 08-Jan-09 16:22:37

Thanks Everlong , he is pretty cool if I do say so myself . I just get grumpy that he even has to know about any of this stuff sad

shabster Thu 08-Jan-09 16:35:58

Sounds like he is a very clever lad TW - I wish none of our DC had to 'know' any of this BUT my eldest DS is the fantastic man he is because he knew all the details and has grown into a compassionate, funny, precious human being who is an asset to his family and friends because of his experiences. xxxx

everlong Thu 08-Jan-09 17:00:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shabster Thu 08-Jan-09 17:02:28

I think you have to tell him often how proud you are. He (and you) sound like you are doing a fab job. I reckon loads of cuddles and appropriate explanations are the best way.


everlong Thu 08-Jan-09 17:17:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frasersmummy Thu 08-Jan-09 20:37:17

oi.. whats with skipping out early on me???? grin

Everlong I used to go Fraser's Garden a lot .. but its getting less and less as the years go on. sometimes I feel guilty about it.

Its hard that our children know about death but its to our credit and theirs that they all deal with sooo well

TW I would have thought the teacher would have had the sense to give you a heads up that your ds had been talking about Harry.. It would have allowed you to guide the conversation the way you wanted.

I find Ross asks lots of questions and then we go weeks/months while he processes the answers and then he comes back with more

like you say tw .. when it catches your off guard its bloody hard

I am sending you all hugs and am off to sign off Fraser's thread and then --do some ironing-- watch some telly

frasersmummy Thu 08-Jan-09 20:45:04

sorry I like I meant to say.. that title is beautiful .. is it a quote from a poem or something ??

Deemented Thu 08-Jan-09 21:01:26

Evening folks smile

Can i share this with you...

'When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably,
we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy, their understanding and their love'

Seems apt for this place, i thought.

It is sad that our children have to know our pain too. TBH though, we've always been very open with B about his brother, so he's always known that C died. We (when will i ever get used to saying 'i'?)bought a really good book theough for him - it's called 'When Dinosaurs Die' by Laurie Kransy Brown, and it's excellent - i'd highly reccomend it to anyone who has to help a child deal with death. Suitable for under 12's i'd say.

everlong Thu 08-Jan-09 21:46:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Deemented Thu 08-Jan-09 21:54:12

Hey Everlong,

Well, she was about as useful as a chocolate teapot, so i ended up getting my local councillors involved - was surprised at just how quickly things are starting to move now! There are a few other things being sorted too, but can't really say too much at the mo - but will update when i can!

How are you doing?

shabster Thu 08-Jan-09 23:31:19

Good night girls - see you all in the morning xx

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