How can my 7yo help his best friend through the death of his father?

(11 Posts)
pigleto Mon 05-Jan-09 11:30:31

My ds's best friends dad died just before new year from cancer leaving his mum to cope with four young boys. (She is such a lovely woman, I am devastated for her and the boys)

Ds is going to school tomorrow and his friend will be there. Does anyone have any tips or advice for helping my ds cope/help his friend?

I also have cancer which I am hoping wildly will not be fatal but this is going to totally freak him out.

OP’s posts: |
Rubyrubyrubynoknickers Mon 05-Jan-09 11:34:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheButterflyEffect Mon 05-Jan-09 11:40:06

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SatsumaMoon Mon 05-Jan-09 11:41:43

I was going to say that at the age of 7 your ds might not really "get' the magnitude of what has happened but obv. it's probably different in his case due to you having cancer also...

I assume the child is going to have some sort of bereavement counselling? So really, all you ds needs to do is to continue being a friend to him, maybe make allowances for any "bad" behaviour but I think he is too young to really take on the responsibility of "helping' his friend?

pigleto Mon 05-Jan-09 11:44:29

I really want to do something. It is silly I know as nothing I can do can make the situation any better.

He is a lovely little boy, and he is having to deal with one of the most painful things in his entire life at the age of seven. Life can be so bloody cruel.

OP’s posts: |
TheButterflyEffect Mon 05-Jan-09 11:46:48

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trumpetgirl Mon 05-Jan-09 11:52:53

My Mum died (cancer) when I was 9 and I found that once I started to feel "better", I had no friends left. They had all stopped bothering with me as I had become "boring".
I think that all your DS can do is to be there for his friend when he needs it, but accept that he may need time on his own, or not feel up to playing for a while.
I would be surprised if he could do this at his age though.
I don't blame any of my friends for the way that they reacted. They didn't understand and didn't know what to do. I found it really difficult to start socialising again afterwards, but got involved in various extra curricular activities and made friends there.
So in conclusion, there's nothing he can do, but if you can convince him to continue to try and include his friend, no matter how long it takes for his friend to return to some state of "normality", that would probably help.

TaurielTest Mon 05-Jan-09 11:56:18

You've maybe already looked at it, but might there be some useful material for you to talk about with your DS - or maybe to show your DS's BF's mum - here?
http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/

DadInsteadofMum Mon 05-Jan-09 12:58:17

What my ds1's friends did for him that work.

Make him a nice thinking of you card.

After an initial - sorry about your dad - don't talk about it unless he brings it up - if he does bring it up just listen.

Understand that his behaviour might not be his normal behaviour and that at times it might be difficult to be his friend - but that a true friend will still be his friend at the end of it.

Evenstar Mon 05-Jan-09 21:38:42

My son showed very difficult behaviour towards his best friend after losing his dad, but his friend and his mum and dad who are friends of mine have stuck by us. We are 6 months on now but it is only in the last few weeks that he has been more like his old self and the relationship is back to normal. You sound like a very caring person, just stand by them is the best advice I can give, even though it may not be easy.

classic62 Thu 08-Jan-09 11:05:59

My brother in law took his own life just before Christmas leaving my sister with with 10 year old boy,9 year old girl and 5 year old boy.
Last night the little girl came home with a poem that her friend had written saying how sorry she was that her father had died. It also said funny things ending with hope you have a bath....I guess cos it rhymned! What I am trying to say is that this made her feel so happy...someone thinking of her....but children are so amazing in the way they deal with things....your sons instinct will be less clouded than ours....your son seems to have a very well adjusted mom too!...so he will deal with it in a way that he feels comfortable with. Every parent will deal with this in their own way but specific details apart...we have found honesty is the best policy using language appropriate to the age of little one.
P.s Children do say things that as an adult we feel are inapprporiate but again depending on childs age....their world is black and white and that is how they see everything!
Take Care of yourself!

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