Would you go to the funeral in these circumstances?

[DisenchantedPlusBump]

DHs grandad passed away and his funeral is tomorrow.

I am due a baby anytime now and have 2 year old and 4 year old, been having pains but they don't seem to mean much!

My mum would usually watch my sons but MY grandad has cancer and is at Christies hospital tomorrow getting the results from his full body scan to see if his cancer has spread.

My mum obviously wants to be with him, but is talking about 'leaving early to get here to mind the boys' etc...

I don't want her to be doing that.

The only ohter family on my side have their own kids (my sister) and i don't want her minding all 3 of them alone.

ButI loved DHs grandad and I don't want to be seen as uncaring.

Plus Ive only ever been to 1 funeral before, of some one i wasn't close to and that was upsetting enough.

Everytime I think of the coffin I cry, Im not sure if Im up to it... but then noone likes funerals do they, i have an obligation to be there.

I'm really confused

[christMAScomesbutonceayear]

um, I 'd say miss it

[JustKeepSingingCarols]

Oh dear!

I would say re the children & imminent baby - don't go.

But to show your care for him and because sometimes it helps - go.

Not much help am i?!

[christMAScomesbutonceayear]

sorry,that was a bit brief - first of all my sympathies for sad loss of grandad-in-law. Am sure he'd understand your dilemma as would any other reasonable person.

[ZoeC]

I would possibly be prepared to miss the funeral in these circumstances. I missed my own grandmother's funeral as it was 120 miles away and on my due date. As it turned out, dd1 arrived the night before so it wouldn't have been possible but I wasn't going anyway.

I also missed dh's grandfather's funeral because I had no-one to have the dd's.

[LaTurkey]

If you really feel you want to go, go. However, everyone would understand if you didn't. Can you leave DCs with a friend for a couple of hours? You needn't go for the whole thing, maybe jsut the sevrice.

[supadoula]

I think in India pregnant women are not allowed to funerals, however close they are to the deceased, because they are building a life inside them. You are very near giving life and it sounds like it is very impractical anyway so I would give it a miss. Just make a special place for him in your heart

[sobloodystupid]

So sorry to hear about your dh's grandfather disenchanted.
In Ireland too, its considered unlucky to look upon the dead when pregnant. Also to go into the graveyard when pregnant as baby will be pigeon toed...
If you feel that you want to go then go for a little bit, the mass or the burial or whatever you think you can face.
Nobody will expect you to be there, and the little ones might be upset or be noisy etc.
hugs to you...

[sobloodystupid]

so sorry the bit about Irish customs comes across as ridiculous..

[wilbur]

Usually I would say try to go to the funeral, but under the circumstances, esp with your grandpa being ill as well, I think it's fine for you to miss it. Why not try and take a minute (at the time you know the funeral service is taking place) to hug your children and bump and maybe light a candle with your 4 year old. You can tell your in-laws what you did and that you were thinking about them at the time. I'm sure they would be touched.

[Cies]

Sorry for your loss.

I think in your circumstances I wouldn't go.

Would it be appropriate to write a letter or card to anyone? Your Dh's grandmother, or their son/daughter?

[Zazette]

I am sorry for your loss. But can I ask why you are assuming you need someone to mind your dc? is it because you feel you couldn't cope with them at the funeral and people there would be unwilling to help (but your dp will be there, surely?). Or is it because you think family would look askance?

Unless there are some special circs you're not telling us, then I think it's fine to go, and take them. When my dp's father died, we took our 2 (who were then 2 and 4), and it was really helpful to everyone tbh - new life at a time of loss, etc.