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Fourteen years ago next Monday.

(11 Posts)
lottiejenkins Tue 16-Dec-08 18:34:30

I gave birth to my first much wanted little boy Jack very prematurely, his dad wanted him more than was possible too because he was a good deal older than me and didnt think he would ever have more children. When Jack was born he was rushed away and i never heard him cry, i was taken back to my room and then taken up to see him, my husband and i were told that Jack wouldnt survive because he had had a brain haemorage when he was born, we made the decision to switch off his life support and my mum was with my husband and i when Jack died at two hours old. I can remember going back to my room in the middle of the maternity ward and hearing other babies crying and thinking how unfair life was, i cried and cried that night till i didnt think i could cry any more. We went home the next day and spent Christmas with my family, that in itself was hard because my niece was born six weeks before Jack and she was there as a reminder of what i didnt have.......... we had a funeral for him in early January 1995 and my lovely stepson who is eight years older than me carried Jacks coffin from the church to the graveyard, i remember telling the funeral director i didnt want a white coffin so he had a little wooden one. Jack was buried next to my grandads brother and sister who died in childhood. His dad made a wooden cross which we put on the grave on the first anniversary. I went on to have my second son Wilfred in July 1996 he is profoundly deaf and has learning difficulties. The boys Dad died suddenly in July 2001.

I am very aware every day that i should have two sons with me and i only have to look at mt niece and my godson who was born in Jan 1995 to know what Jack would be into now.

These two songs mean a lot to me and remind me of the sad times. The first one was No 1 when Jack was born, the second one is poignant because of the lyrics.

Last year on Jacks birthday i got up and put the radio on and the East 17 was playing.

On Monday morning when i was feeling low Terry Wogan played the BNC song after Pause for thought.
God Bless Jack.

Mummy and Wilfred wish you were here with us, to be with us to complete the missing link in our family.

LaVie Tue 16-Dec-08 18:57:01

So sorry for your loss, thinking of you.

Lovely pictures of Wilfred smile

LaTurkey Tue 16-Dec-08 19:20:03

So sorry.

everlong Tue 16-Dec-08 19:55:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stillenacht Tue 16-Dec-08 19:58:55

Thinking of you all Lottie xxxx

lottiejenkins Thu 18-Dec-08 15:31:16

Ive just rung a friend who i go to church with and she is going to drive my ds and me to the churchyard next Monday morning so i can put flowers on Jacks grave. She was really pleased that i asked her.

pinkfrogsroastingonanopenfire Thu 18-Dec-08 15:41:06

Always in my heart and my thoughts Lottie. Will be lighting my candle for Jack on Monday. Sending a massive hug from me and mine xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

travellingwilbury Fri 19-Dec-08 07:32:47

Lottie thank you for sharing that day with us , I know how hard it is to write down . You and Jack will be in my thoughts on Monday and a candle will be lit here in Sussex .

FiveDollarShake Fri 19-Dec-08 07:41:01

Thinking of you and Wilfred at this difficult time. You are one brave lady.xxxx

WhileShosheWatchedHerFlocks Fri 19-Dec-08 07:50:58

Lotte, i lost to children very premature shortly after birth both times.

Marcus would have been 29 in October, Chynna 17 on December 10th.

my thoughts go with you.

LaTurkey Mon 22-Dec-08 14:45:12

Thinking of you today, lottiej.

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